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5 years ago  ::  Feb 10, 2009 - 10:16AM #1
alliegirl
Posts: 4
Salam to all.  I am an American revert and need some advice on a subject. 

I am very interested in pursuing a relationship with a man, and he is very interested in pursuing a relationship with me.  Simply put, we are in love.  I am divorced, but he is not divorced yet.  He is not living with his wife, nor has he been living with her for the past year.  It is just taking time to get all the legalities worked out.  I know that in Islam it is not haram to have more than one wife, but it is a crime in the US.  So, we want to take our relationship further, but in halal, not haram.  He first suggested a mutah marriage, but I researched it and asked Imam about it, and found out this is haram.  Then, I heard about mayser marriage, that some people said is halal.  Has anyone heard about this?  And if this is not halal, does anyone have other suggestions so we can be married in front of Allah without any problems?

Thank you... Massalam
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5 years ago  ::  Feb 10, 2009 - 10:43AM #2
Ceren
Posts: 1,430
Assalamu `alaykum,

Sister, I do not mean to offend you or anything like that but... really no man who truly loves and respects his wife-to-be would suggest a mutah or a misyar marriage.... that's just pretty disgraceful.

Secondly... DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT marry him BEFORE he divorces his wife, no matter what stories he tells you.


I cannot tell you the many, many, many maaany cases where the man was not divorced from his wife and told the story "oh my wife and I are separated but it's only a legality, so just marry me", but then it turned out that the first wife was actually not aware of the whole thing and didn't think they were going to get a divorce or anything like that. And then the second wife was stuck in this "polygyny" thing... pretty bad.

If the wife agrees with the divorce, then the divorce proceedings should not take more than 60-90 days.I'm pretty sure that two adult Muslim people can wait 3 months without having sex, right? (just to make sure, just google "how long uncontested divorce take in X state", putting the state you live in).
And if the wife is not agreeing with the divorce, then maybe you should step down until things are solved.
Has he shown you the divorce papers? Has he shown you when he filed for divorce?

So... to get married in front of Allah swt without having any problems? You wait until he is fully divorced from his wife, and then you go ahead and get married. Insha'Allah the wait as I said is not too long and 3 months is a small sacrifice for peace of mind.

Sister... after seeing lots and lots and lots of cases of women... I can tell you that there are a LOT of red flags in your case... please be very careful.

All the best,
Ceren
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5 years ago  ::  Feb 10, 2009 - 5:14PM #3
alliegirl
Posts: 4
Thank you sister for your advice.  I think it is wise to step down until he is divorced. It is the best for all.  I know he truely has his own place, away from his wife, since I helped him find it and rent it.  And I have seen the divorce papers.  But, his soon to be ex wife is hoping that he will get a settlement from a work injury and wants a peice of that.  I live in a very small community, so the news gets around.  Anyway, regardless, I will wait because this is what is the mature and right thing to do. Thanks!
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