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Switch to Forum Live View Can we still marry???
6 years ago  ::  Jan 11, 2009 - 5:14PM #1
abc-anna
Posts: 3
As-salamu-alaykum Brothers and Sisters.

I converted to Islam roughly one year ago but it is more to with what happened before that and what I want to do next I need some help with.

Before converting I meet a boy who I became involved with and slept with. He was born a Muslim but never actively followed the faith until we started talking about Islam, learnt more and I decided to convert and he became a practising Muslim rather than it just being a name over him. We still talk now and then on phone or via computer but are no longer in a relationship as it is not allowed in Islam. We both agree what we really want is to be married and both our families are okay with this, however a friend told him once you have had sex with a women you are forbidden to marry them, but we have found no other evidence of this.

We want nothing more than to be together however not if it means going against Allah we must make the decision to move on from one another.

Please do not judge us from what we have done in the past. We have both repented to Allah for our haram relationship and actions and do not intended for it to happen again Ishallah. I seek anyones help and guidance on this matter.

Inshallah you will be able to help me.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 11, 2009 - 11:15PM #2
sazaj36
Posts: 331
Its believed in Islam that when you convert and become Muslim then all the sins you may have done before in your life are erased and forgiven...so you start out in a sinless state similar to a baby...so technically speaking you are considered a virgin again.

As for the Muslim man...God is Most Forgiving Most Merciful...what else do you need to know about God other than that?

I might also add...did your guys friend tell him or critisize him in any way for having sex with a woman he wasnt married too...or was reducing you to "used goods" not worthy of marriage the extent of his "Islamic information"? Never learn Islam from idiots...and never feel that the door to God is closed forever because of some sin you did...if that were the case...every Muslim on the planet would be left out in the cold facing a closed door forever.....sigh!
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2009 - 2:43AM #3
abc-anna
Posts: 3
Thank you for your concern and help...

The friend did mean to insult me or reduce only try to help, he is not exactly the most educated person i know when it comes to Islam but never the less I had to be sure.

Alhamdulillah your words have helped me.
Do you know of any Hadith or verses from the Qu'ran that could confirm what you have told me.

Again Thank you, May Allah Be Pleased With You
Salam,
Anna
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2009 - 8:25AM #4
Ceren
Posts: 1,430

abc-anna wrote:

Thank you for your concern and help...

The friend did mean to insult me or reduce only try to help, he is not exactly the most educated person i know when it comes to Islam but never the less I had to be sure.

Alhamdulillah your words have helped me.
Do you know of any Hadith or verses from the Qu'ran that could confirm what you have told me.

Again Thank you, May Allah Be Pleased With You
Salam,
Anna




Assalamu `alaykum,

What your friend told you is not true.  You can get married even if you had sex outside of marriage.

Also remember that when we sincerely repent, and Allah swt accepts our repentance, then our sins are forgiven and "erased".

So Alhamdulillah, as sazaj said... God is the Most Merciful, The Loving, The forgiving.

Just one note of caution... many times when we're "in love", we forget to discuss things that are important. Have you discussed with him.. (these are just examples)...

a. Whether he would ever want to take a second, third wife? You should have a clause written in your marriage contract about this.
b. How does he feel about you working/studying (if you wish to do so)... before and after children?
c. How will the household chores be divided?
d. If he will delegate the right of divorce to you as well? (in Islam, the man has the default right to divorce unilaterally. If you want to have that right as well, he needs to write in in the contract)
e. How will decisions be decided in your household, who will have "the last word", what will be your "areas", and what will be "his areas", etc?

I will be posting something that my dear Sh. Faraz Rabbani forwarded once which is "100 Questions to ask before getting married". Insha'Allah it will be beneficial :)

All the best,
Ceren

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