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7 years ago  ::  Dec 02, 2007 - 11:32PM #1
Twister
Posts: 8
Hello, this is my first post on Beliefnet for a while. There is a qualm that  I wish to ask Beliefnet members of. The community I'm living in now has a majority of non-muslim people. Because of this, a majority of friends happen to be non-muslims. I want to start a relationsihp because some days I feel so terribly lonely. I crave for someone to take care of, nurture, and love. The problem is, I'm not familiar with many muslim men. I'm never intimate with my non-muslim male friends (from younger years), and I push away males that try to become friends. I have heavily decided that at no cost would I marry anyone out of the religion, but seeing how most of my aquaintances are non-muslim, marrying no one at all would be the easier answer. Arranging a marriage seems too traditional for me because I've had relatives that have had bad experiences with that (mainly my parents-ha).  Being with no one really does seem a good answer, but some days when I see a couple holding hands my heart crumples. Any thoughts? (If ye haven't guessed, I'm female-tehe)
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 18, 2007 - 8:34PM #2
Twister
Posts: 8
Thank you very much aya's mama:) I feel much better now... you're right... I shouldn't rush things. Allah will find a way for he knows best. :)
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 25, 2007 - 1:02AM #3
msdeebro
Posts: 68
Salams Twister:

Well, here's my $1 worth, LOL

I was going through my second divorce, and felt like no one would ever love me. I never wanted to get married again. Because I could not go through this pain again. All i wanted was to love and be loved, Through this divorce, here is my short story:

My heart was breaking at the thought of not being married! My husband divorced me for no reason, and told everyone he just wanted to be divorced. Through this he would have men come into the house, without warning, have them live in without warning, I was so hurt and unhappy. One day I cried myself to sleep, a knock came at my side glass door. There was a brother standing there holding flowers and fruit. he never said any thing, just smiled. I was startled AWAKE by the garage door opening! I only thought of this brother once before I left. After 4 years of not wanting to be hurt again, my best friend's husband had her to call me about a brother who was looking for a wife. She called me and I declined 3 times to speak with him, but something told me to talk to him, when I did, his voice sounded very familiar, in fact it "sounded" like the smile of the brother in my dream!!(I know it sounds crazy). I described the brother to this brother, he was silent, he said that he would send me a photo of himself. Days later the photo arrived, you would not believe the sight!!
Wallahi, it was the brother in my dreams!! We are now married for almost 4years!!
Talk about trusting and having faith in Allah!! We both later said that we asked Allah to send someone from HIS bounty! Someone who loved and feared HIM, who loved Islam, and who was tired of being hurt. And here we are! We are almost like the bobsy-twins, Mashallah! How long will it last, ALLAHU ALIM!! We take just one day at a time and many prayers and dua's to Allah for our blessing!

This will happen for you also, Inshallah. Just keep having faith and trust in Allah, He is the One Who created you, He knows what is in your heart, and He knows your mate. Fully trust in Him and He will not fail you, Inshallah.

Be happy, for those around you who have love, because ,Inshallah one day, it will be your turn, and it will have been worth all the loneliness and waiting! Hope this did not make you any sadder, much love and prayers, and may Allah Bless you always!!
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 27, 2007 - 8:13AM #4
Leanne30
Posts: 6
That is such a wonderful story msdeebro and such an inspiration.  I went through almost exactly the same thing as you.  I had been divorced for almost 4 years and was getting quite lonely as well.  I, like many in the same situiation kept wondering when I would meet someone.  After awhile I had given up and turned the matter over to God, as I thought it the best thing to do.  About three months later, when I least expected it I met a wonderful man who I married in July.  We have been happily married for 5 months and look forward to many more.  Twister, my advice is to put your situiation in God's hands and everything will fall into place.  He will never put more on you than you can bear and will provide for you.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 28, 2008 - 4:56AM #5
Fondation
Posts: 34
You know sweety, I have just recently discovered 'beliefnet' and I am amazed with what I read. There are so many people out there with the same problems each going through it differently. You mention that you are lonely and would like to have someone in your life. This we all would love, yet being divorced for a year now, I haven't been happier. Reason being because I got married for all the wrong reasons. Loneliness, wanting a 'home', security and so forth. However I have embarked on the journey of the self wherein God has blessed be tremendously. Spending my life continously questioning God about every situation I found myself in. To cut a long story short, I have clearly understood what is meant when God says, He who knows himself knows his Lord. Looking back, my lonliness stemmed from my very own insecurties and mistrust. Coming from a broken home, I constantly felt out of place and wanted to be someone else. In all this I had to discover my own ingratitude towards God for who He created me to be. The entire universe was only reflecting how I felt about myself. It was I who was ashamed of my situation and where I had come from. Today I look at myself and mostly my Creator very differently. As I have learnt that I have and never am alone. Yes, God has created everything in pairs, thus we all long for companionship. But as you traverse the journey of self-knowledge you will be amazed at rediscovering who you truly are. Security lies with God. No man can make you feel secure, love and respect you unless it comes from within. Thus, instead of spending your days waiting for the right person to come along, get to know who you truly are. Why do you do the things you do? What are you searching for? Why do you feel so lonely within?
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 31, 2008 - 12:38AM #6
happykham
Posts: 1
"Thus, instead of spending your days waiting for the right person to come along, get to know who you truly are. Why do you do the things you do? What are you searching for? Why do you feel so lonely within?"

you are right, Fondation.
many people including myself spend a lot of time waiting for her Mr.right. but at the same time we forget to find out who we are, what we want, what makes our life meaningful.
my parents want me to marry a guy who i don't love. i don't know why i don't love him. i just can't persuade myself to marry someone because of loneliness and not love.
am i expecting too much? for us, Muslim women, is it a kind of lucky if a man comes and asks for marrying him regardless we love him or not?
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7 years ago  ::  Feb 02, 2008 - 1:40PM #7
Fondation
Posts: 34
Happykham Allah says that He has created everything in pairs. Thus there is no doubt that there is someone that Allah has written for you. The first aspect you need to make a concious decision is whether you are choosing Islam because of your forefathers and your parents. Have you reached the junction wherein you are 'free willingly' choosing Islam? If it is that you have made a choice as an individual then you have to take full responsibilty for your intentions and actions. You have not been created to worship and serve your parents but your obligation is towards Allah through your parents. In the Prophetic Islam the teachings are that one should always get married for the sole purpose of working your way closer to Allah with and through your partner. Anything less than this does not give you a valid reason for marriage. When one chooses a partner to marry for the sole purpose of gaining the closeness of Allah, one finds that Allah puts the love your heart for each other. I leave you with something to ponder about. It is sad to think that our Muslim women have reached a point wherein they should get married to the first man that comes to the door out of fear of being rejected. The discourse that our Muslim women needs to overcome is the fear of rejection working their way to loving and honouring themselves. The next discourse is that we as Muslim women do not trust Allah believing that Allah is unjust. The only way to change this concept is to begin by having a good opinion about Allah. For Allah says I am what you perceive me to be!
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 23, 2008 - 8:16PM #8
Twister
Posts: 8
Wa-Salaam-alaykum everyone,

It's been a while since I've last been on, sorry for slow response. Fondation, you hit the nail with the hammer. I've forgotten that a partnership in marriage is two people, not one. I can't be co-dependant on another person the rest of my life just because I fear the outcome of failure. Obviously wanting a partner this badly reflects how much I'm not ready for one. Whenever I'm working/talking with a man platonically, I back off of whatever I'm doing.... The masculinity is overpowering. I can't perform as efficiently as I usually would. Is this an animal instinct of sort? My biological clock urging to find a mate whatever means it takes?

On another note, this whole 'find a mate thing' is quite humourous. Whenever some man wishes to become intimate with me and I may have some interest, something bad happens to him. LOL. Allah really has a direct path for me. It's all His will. Let's leave this at that.
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 26, 2008 - 1:51PM #9
hajali
Posts: 288
[QUOTE=Twister;111222]Hello, this is my first post on Beliefnet for a while. There is a qualm that  I wish to ask Beliefnet members of. The community I'm living in now has a majority of non-muslim people. Because of this, a majority of friends happen to be non-muslims. I want to start a relationsihp because some days I feel so terribly lonely. I crave for someone to take care of, nurture, and love. The problem is, I'm not familiar with many muslim men. I'm never intimate with my non-muslim male friends (from younger years), and I push away males that try to become friends. I have heavily decided that at no cost would I marry anyone out of the religion, but seeing how most of my aquaintances are non-muslim, marrying no one at all would be the easier answer. Arranging a marriage seems too traditional for me because I've had relatives that have had bad experiences with that (mainly my parents-ha).  Being with no one really does seem a good answer, but some days when I see a couple holding hands my heart crumples. Any thoughts? (If ye haven't guessed, I'm female-tehe)[/QUOTE]

I pass you the Good news from the Holy Quran

65:2 ,………..witness [what you have decided]; and do yourselves bear true witness before God: [8] thus are admonished all who believe in God and the Last Day. And unto everyone who is conscious of God, He [always] grants a way out [of unhappiness],

65:3 And He provides for him from (sources) he never could imagine. And if any one puts his trust in Allah, sufficient is ((Allah)) for him. For Allah will surely accomplish his purpose: verily, for all things has Allah appointed a due proportion.

Salam, peace
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