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Switch to Forum Live View Compassion for an enemy
6 years ago  ::  Aug 19, 2008 - 7:24AM #1
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,684


I recently made the mistake of trying to sell Greens party raffle tickets in a Catholic club! The most traumatic part, was encountering a Christian-right former boss. I was astonished at how quickly (on being personally insulted), I erupted into a row! :(

I have difficulty empathising. Developing loving-kindness for an opponent, seems but a dream!
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 19, 2008 - 7:24AM #2
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,684


I recently made the mistake of trying to sell Greens party raffle tickets in a Catholic club! The most traumatic part, was encountering a Christian-right former boss. I was astonished at how quickly (on being personally insulted), I erupted into a row! :(

I have difficulty empathising. Developing loving-kindness for an opponent, seems but a dream!
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 21, 2008 - 7:55AM #3
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,684
Thanks Dazzle:

I have felt tormented for half a week, about that Christian Democrat's personal denunciation.

[QUOTE]Tonglen[/QUOTE]http://icq.beliefnet.com/story/4/story_425_1.html

[QUOTE]have the simple thought: "Other people feel this."[/QUOTE]I can understand others with similar problems. For example, today I chatted with the carer of a woman one of whose problems was obsessive-compulsive disorder. Also having that affliction, I showed some of my physical signs, and explained to the carer why her charge was so careful to check her bag!

[QUOTE]Tibetan Buddhist practice[/QUOTE]This evening I participated in Shamatha (calm abiding) at a Nyngma centre.


[QUOTE]loving kindness meditation[/QUOTE]I have been very engaged in fund-raising. But I need time out to unwind! {Putting frankincense on sparkling charcoal}

[QUOTE]It's difficult not to react when in a confrontational situation[/QUOTE]Perhaps I myself need to be less confronting. After the event, it slowly dawned on me what I should have said and done differently.

[QUOTE]constant mindfulness[/QUOTE]Indeed, I was `wrong-footed' (tripped-up). :(

[QUOTE]train ourselves gradually to adopt new ways of coping in difficult situations instead of following our habitual patterns of behaviour[/QUOTE]Yeah, this was a reminder that I have yet some work on a path to salvation!

[QUOTE]being more relaxed[/QUOTE]Thanks indeed. Being with two depressive friends that evening, hadn't helped. :(
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 07, 2008 - 11:52AM #4
bshmr
Posts: 14
An 'enemy' implies an object, such as a 'rock';
'denunciation' is a transient act;
'personal' implies another permanent, unchanging object.

Perhaps ignoring the objects, which are relatively permanent to you right now, and focusing on actions which merely happen then cease and which have infinite possibilities (compared to 'enemy', 'personal', 'rock', etc.) will lighten the load (so to speak).

Typically, this leaves one free to notice the stages from sensing through to their conditioning (in modern terms). Just being aware of 'grasping', 'fearing', and 'indifference' and of what (reaction, story, intensity, ...) is surprisingly regulating.  [ As with meditation, I find myself repeating, "Oh? I didn't realize that about myself (colloquial)." ...  ]
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 08, 2008 - 10:20PM #5
bddh
Posts: 21
I believe I will chime in on this:
As a follower and student of buddhism, and having read alot of differnt sources, as well as from the sutras, I believe you should show compassion for someone you do not like or who you would consider you an enemy or even may consider you an enemy.  Communcations is often 90% body language and how you react or the actions you take often speak louder than any words you may say.  Remaining calm and collected and sometimes just letting them vent is the way to go.  I do feel that you had to endure the tirades of your former boss, but do not let it discourage you, rather accept the person for who he is and seek refuge as well as, meditate on taking his anger for a more productive spiritual and material life, the essence and beginings of self sacrifice.  Compassion when shown to an advesary is a good means to prepare you for showing compassion to anyone and everyone you may encounter.  I know that there are times, in my own personal life that I deal with those who are over stressed and take all things in stride, understand where they come from and seeing what I can do to make their lives easier and working with them to help out as I can.  Ultimately that is all you can do.  Even if it means that you choose not to deal with that person and taking the time to see through their eyes as to what they believe the problem may or may not be.  Peace.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2008 - 9:46AM #6
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,684
The fund-raising that I had been doing, was stressing me. So I put on some kilos over winter. Now that I have given that volunteer activity away, and spring is getting warmer, perhaps I can develop a more wholesome disposition!



I haven't gone back to that relatively conservative venue since. Last Sunday I socialised with one of the depressive friends at the Greek club instead.

I have since chatted with party colleagues. They reminded me that political work involves interpersonal stressors!

Anyhow, I have been taking a relative rest from all that (torment). And I hope that I am getting the rest of my life in order.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 11, 2008 - 11:18AM #7
bshmr
Posts: 14
I apologize, for imagining something else (of this thread).
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 11, 2008 - 1:46PM #8
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,684
Wanting to save the universe--and discovering that some of it doesn't want to be saved--is a hassle!
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 11, 2008 - 1:46PM #9
Karma_yeshe_dorje
Posts: 12,684
Wanting to save the universe--and discovering that some of it doesn't want to be saved--is a hassle!
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 12, 2008 - 11:28AM #10
nnn123
Posts: 1,536
re original post

I hear you.

Getting attacked by ignorance is never an easy thing.

In the moment of it happening, the best I can usually do is exercise some self-control, force myself to wait until the experience is over.

At the time, my emotions may be of anger and etc., but I at least try to control my external behavior (does not always work!!!).

Anyway, then, after the incident, I try to wait until my anger calms down.  Then I try to go into some spiritual work about the process.

One of things I do is try to find some way to sympathize with the other person.  I say to myself, like an affirmation....if someone is acting ignorantly, they also are the victim.  They are the victim of their own ignorance.  They are caught.

I don't identify them as the "thing" which attacked me, I identify them as their spirituality within, that is being blocked by the clouds of ignorance. 

So, I try and feel sorry, that they are so blocked.

I live in NJ.  And, unfortunately, I have run into guys from the Jersey mob now and then.  I have to tell you, virtually every gangster I have ever met has a real current within them of an underlying sorrow.

It is really like they have some kind of subconscious recognition that they are cursed.

It took me awhile to recognize it.  But when I did, I truly found it deeply pathetic and tragic and felt absolutely horrible for them.  They, of course, still scare the heck out of me, but, at least when I am away from them, I have been able to feel sorry for them.

I knew a young guy who was a "gopher" for them...the lowest rung on the ladder.  I was trying to convince him to get out of the life.  And it was quite tragic to see the war going on inside him.  And he absolutely hated himself.  Very sad.
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