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3 years ago  ::  Apr 26, 2011 - 8:18PM #1
Cathyy
Posts: 61
I am sort of steamed at my Conservative rabbi. Months into my conversion process, I am being told we need to "discuss" my non-converting husband, as they do not as a policy perform interfaith marriages, and my marriage will be halachically invalid if I convert. I'm OK with it, my husband is OK with it, but it's an issue for them NOW? With my mikveh tentatively scheduled for early December? Why didn't they just send me to the Reform synagogue in the first place?
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3 years ago  ::  Apr 27, 2011 - 12:17AM #2
Pam34
Posts: 2,638

Are you already married or planning to marry after converting? If you are already married it's a done deal, and the fact that you aren't 'halachically married' merely means you didn't have a Jewish ceremony. If you are planning to marry afterward, that IS an issue, because most (not all) Conservative rabbis AND in fact, most REFORM rabbis, won't officiate at a mixed marriage.


 


Chances are he either didn't think about it, or assumed that both of you were converting, or quite possibly (unless directly told) might have thought your husband WAS Jewish, and you were converting. I don't know, though, for certain, but rabbis can be incredibly dense sometimes (comes of having too many details about too many people competing for memory space).


 


I do know that many Conservative rabbis hesitate to convert one member of a marriage if the spouse is not also Jewish or converting too - after all, such a conversion CREATES a mixed marriage and in-marriage is definitely a 'positive' in Judaism.


 


I guess you need to have a sit-down and discuss meeting fairly soon. Good luck.


 


 

Blessed are You, HaShem, Who blesses the years.
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3 years ago  ::  Apr 27, 2011 - 5:16PM #3
Cathyy
Posts: 61

I'm already married, and it's been very clear from the very first meeting that while my husband is wholly supportive of me converting, he has no intention of doing so. Obviously an interfaith marriage is less desirable than a shared faith marriage. But if it's a dealbreaker, and the rabbi is implying that it is, then I ought to have been informed so initially. I guess I'll find out more next week when we start discussing this.

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3 years ago  ::  May 01, 2011 - 7:10PM #4
LeahOne
Posts: 15,737

*sigh!*  Cathyy, I'm sorry to read that you're getting hassled over that.  And I agree with you - that just wasn't right!  I hope that you can see beyond one rabbi's attitude and won't reject us entirely because of his making things more difficult for you.


Having been in a 'mixed' marriage for the first 15 years or so, there are times when it's not easy but it's not an insurmountable obstacle.  Especially when the spouse is so supportive.


There's nothing wrong with converting Reform or being Reform:  they're 'real' Jews, too. 

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3 years ago  ::  Jun 05, 2011 - 9:00PM #5
Cathyy
Posts: 61

Ah, good news. The conversion can be done. If I were young enough to have children, it couldn't. My rabbi consulted with another rabbi, too. So I'm very happy right now! My husband is attending everything with me, and he seems to be unconsciously identifying more with Jewish thought than Christian. So that's good news, too, whether he ever converts or not. 

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3 years ago  ::  Jun 11, 2011 - 10:17PM #6
LeahOne
Posts: 15,737

 Cathy, I'm glad you've had good news!  And especially that you husband continues to be supportive as well.  I hope things will go more smoothly for you now....

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