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Switch to Forum Live View RANDOM THOUGHTS ETC.
3 years ago  ::  Sep 06, 2015 - 7:49PM #1
Posts: 1,785

Before the forum is gone I would like to post a few Random thoughts and a few other things as I think about them. My whole point here will be to give us a reason to smile. Please feel free to add something of your own.

Random Thoughts

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to
 immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an
argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't
want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Mapquest really needs to start their directions on #5.
I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they
told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11.You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry"
means I will never wash this -- ever.

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring
(Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back,
it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone
 just so I know not to answer when they call.

18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day
"Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?"
How the heck do I respond to that?

19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any
given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin
with Miller Lite than Kay.

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3 years ago  ::  Sep 06, 2015 - 10:06PM #2
Posts: 1,785

Why do they call it a gentleman’s club???


Do you remember Dragnet? A TV show
back in the 50's...we all loved it. The
following is a spoof of that show that
was seen on Johnny Carson......

 Jack Webb, he 
played Sgt. Joe Friday.

The Copper Clapper Caper

The story you are about to see is true .Only the
names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Joe Friday: "This is the city. Los Angeles, 
California. I work here... I'm a cop." 

"It was Tuesday, February 9. It was raining in 
Los Angeles. We were working robbery.
Some people rob for pleasure. Some people rob 
because it's there. You never know. 
  I was working the day watch out of robbery  when
  I got a call from the Acme School Bell Company." 

 Victim: "There's been a robbery."

 Friday:  "Yes sir! What was it?"

Victim: "My clappers!"

 Friday: "Your clappers?"

Victim: "Yeah, you know those things 
inside a bell that makes them clang."

  Friday: "The clangers?"

Victim: "That's right! We call them 
the clappers in the business."

 Friday: "A clapper caper."

Victim: "What's that?"

Friday: "Nothing sir! Now can I have the facts?
 What kinds of clappers were stolen on this clapper caper?"

Victim: "They were copper clappers!"

 Friday: "And where were they kept?"

Victim:" In the closet!"

 Friday: "Uh huh, do you have 
any ideas who might have taken your 
copper clappers from the closet?"

Victim: "Well , I fired a
 man and he swore he'd get even!"

 Friday: "What was his name?"

Victim: "Claude Cooper!"

 Friday: "You think it was him then?"

Victim: " That's right! I think Claude Cooper
  copped my copper Clapper kept in a closet."

 Friday: " You know where this Claude Cooper is from?"

Victim: "Yep! Cleveland."

Friday: "That figures!"

Victim: "What makes it worse is that they were clean!"

 Friday: "Clean copper clappers? Why do you think
 that Claude Cooper would cop your clean 
copper clappers kept in your closet?"

Victim: "Only one reason!"

 Friday: "What's that?"

Victim: "He's a kleptomaniac."

 Friday: "Who first discovered the

 copper clappers were copped?"

Victim: "My cleaning woman Clara Clifford!"

 Friday: "That figures! Now let me see

 if I got the facts straight here?

 Cleaning woman Clara Clifford discovered

 your clean copper clappers

 kept in a closet were copped by Claude Cooper 

 a kleptomaniac from Cleveland. Now is that about it?"

Victim: "One more thing. If I ever catch kleptomaniac 

Claude Cooper from Cleveland who copped my 

 clean copper clappers from the closet…."

 Friday: "Yes?"

Victim: "I'll clobber him!"

Breaking news....Breaking news....

"We are reporting live from the county jail.

Claude Cooper the kleptomaniac from

Cleveland has been arrested and charged

with the copper clapper caper. He has

been put in a cell."


Claude Cooper, the criminal from Cleveland,
has been sentenced to six years for
the copper clapper caper.

 Remember....crime doesn't pay!


 Anything for a smile. Cool

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3 years ago  ::  Sep 07, 2015 - 2:36PM #3
Posts: 1,785

Blonde Wisdom

A beautiful blonde and a man are involved in a car accident.
Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly
 neither of them are hurt.

 After they crawl out of their cars, the blonde says,
"So you're a man, that's interesting.  I'm a woman.  Wow,
just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately
we are unhurt. This must be a sign from God that we
 should meet and be friends and live together in
 peace for the rest of our days."

 Flattered, the man replied,
 "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

This must be a sign from God!" The blonde continued, "And look
at this, here's another miracle.  My car is completely demolished
but this bottle of wine didn't break. Surely God wants us to
drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head
in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then
hands it back to the woman. The blonde takes the bottle,
immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The blonde replies,
"No. I think I'll just wait for the police

Quick Reply
3 years ago  ::  Sep 09, 2015 - 8:04AM #4
Posts: 1,785

My modification of a Tony Orlando song from some while back that helped him get his TV show. You can look up the real words just Google “Tie a yellow ribbon”: In my version it is to our Heavenly Parents instead of his Earthly girl friend”

 Tony Orlando / Jesse – Tie A Yellow Ribbon lyrics  Cool

I'm coming' home, I've done my time
Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine
If you received my prayer telling' you I'd soon be there
Then you'll know just what to do if you still want me there
If you still want me there


Tie a yellow ribbon 'round your old oak tree on the road back to thee
It's been eighty long years
Do you still want me there?
If I don't see a ribbon round your old oak tree
I'll stay on this bus with others like me
Forget about us
Put the blame on me
If I don't see a yellow ribbon round your old oak tree

Bus driver, please look for me
'Cause I couldn't bear to see what I might see
I'm really still in my mortal prison, and you hold the key
A simple yellow ribbon is what I need to set me free
I prayed and told you this:


Now the whole bus is cheering
And I can't believe I see
A hundred yellow ribbons 'round the old oak tree
I'm coming' home

I'm coming' home, I've done my time Now I've got to know what is and isn't mine. If you received my prayer telling' you I'd soon be dead, then you'll know just what to do if you still want me there, If you still want me there, CHORUS: Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree It's been eighty long years. Do you still want me there? If I don't see a ribbon round the old oak tree I'll stay on the bus with others like me. Forget about us Put the blame on me If I don't see a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree. Bus driver, please look for me 'Cause I couldn't bear to see what I might see. I'm really still in this Earthly prison, and your love holds the key. A simple yellow ribbon is what I need to set me free I prayed and told you this: REPEAT CHORUS Now the whole darn bus is cheering And I can't believe I see, A hundred yellow ribbons 'round your old oak tree. I'm coming home.

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3 years ago  ::  Sep 09, 2015 - 9:56PM #5
Posts: 5,277

Word Derivations: Gringoes

Back in the 19th Century, there was a popular song called Green Grow the Lilacs. The chorus of the song went as follows:

Green grow the lilacs, all sparkling with dew I'm lonely, my darling, since parting with you; But 

by our next meeting I'll hope to prove true And change the green lilacs to the Red, White and Blue. 

Mexicans, upon hearing U.S. Soldiers sing this song during the Mexican-American War and not understanding English, shortened Green Grows to Gringoes and the name has stuck ever since.

Now you know the rest of the story.  Wink


Cry Heaven and let loose the Penguins of Peace
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3 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2015 - 4:23AM #6
Posts: 1,785

Written by Joe Darion for the successful Broadway musical, Man of La Mancha:

To dream the impossible dream,
to fight the unbeatable foe,
to bear with unbearable sorrow,
to run where the brave dare not go.

To right the unrightable wrong,
to love pure and chaste from afar,
to try when your arms are too weary,
to reach the unreachable star.

This is my quest,
to follow that star -
-no matter how hopeless,
no matter how far.
To fight for the right
without question or pause,
to be willing to march into hell
for a heavenly cause.

And I know if I'll only be true
to this glorious quest
that my heart will be peaceful and calm
when I'm laid to my rest.

And the world will be better for this:
that one man scorned and covered with scars
still strove with his last ounce of courage
to reach the unreachable stars!


"If your life's work can be accomplished in your lifetime,

you're not thinking big enough." - Wes Jackson

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3 years ago  ::  Sep 10, 2015 - 7:19PM #7
Posts: 1,785


This is long but worth it: (Jesse, Paula no relation) After I read this I felt a great need to call my older brother in Alpine Utah who only has another 2 to 4 weeks on this Earth.

 He was in the first third grade class I taught at Saint Mary's School in Morris, Minnesota. All 34 of my students were dear to me, but Mark Eklund was one in a million. Very neat in appearance, he had that happy-to-be-alive attitude that made even his occasional mischievousness delightful.

Mark talked incessantly. I had to remind him again and again that talking without permission was not acceptable. What impressed me so much, though, was his sincere response every time I had to correct him for misbehaving. "Thank you for correcting me, Sister!" I didn't know what to make of it at first, but before long I became accustomed to hearing it many times a day.

One morning my patience was growing thin when Mark talked once too often, and then I made a novice teacher's mistake. I looked at Mark and said, "If you say one more word, I am going to tape your mouth shut!" It wasn't ten seconds later when Chuck blurted out, "Mark is talking again." I hadn't asked any of the students to help me watch Mark, but since I had stated the punishment in front of the class, I had to act on it. I remember the scene as if it had occurred this morning. I walked to my desk, very deliberately opened my drawer and took out a roll of masking tape. Without saying a word, I proceeded to Mark's desk, tore off two pieces of tape and made a big X with them over his mouth. I then returned to the front of the room. As I glanced at Mark to see how he was doing, he winked at me. That did it! I started laughing. The class cheered as I walked back to Mark's desk, removed the tape, and shrugged my shoulders. His first words were, "Thank you for correcting me, Sister."

At the end of the year, I was asked to teach junior-high math. The years flew by, and before I knew it Mark was in my classroom again. He was more handsome than ever and just as polite. Since he had to listen carefully to my instruction in the "new math," he did not talk as much in ninth grade as he had in third. One Friday, things just didn't feel right. We had worked hard on a new concept all week, and I sensed that the students were frowning, frustrated with themselves and edgy with one another. I had to stop this crankiness before it got out of hand. So I asked them to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name. Then I told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down. It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed me the papers. Charlie smiled. Mark said, "Thank you for teaching me, Sister. Have a good weekend." That Saturday, I wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and I listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday I gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" I heard whispered. "I never knew that meant anything to anyone! I didn't know others liked me so much." No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. I never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another again.

That group of students moved on. Several years later, after I returned from vacation, my parents met me at the airport. As we were driving home, Mother asked me the usual questions about the trip, the weather, my experiences in general. There was a lull in the conversation. Mother gave Dad a sideways glance and simply said, "Dad?" My father cleared his throat as he usually did before something important. "The Eklunds called last night," he began. "Really?" I said. "I haven't heard from them in years. I wonder how Mark is." Dad responded quietly. "Mark was killed in Vietnam," he said. "The funeral is tomorrow, and his parents would like it if you could attend." To this day I can still point to the exact spot on I-494 where Dad told me about Mark.

I had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. Mark looked so handsome, so mature. All I could think at that moment was, "Mark, I would give all the masking tape in the world if only you would talk to me." The church was packed with Mark's friends. Chuck's sister sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic." Why did it have to rain on the day of the funeral? It was difficult enough at the graveside. The pastor said the usual prayers, and the bugler played taps. One by one those who loved Mark took a last walk by the coffin and sprinkled it with holy water. I was the last one to bless the coffin. As I stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to me. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. I nodded as I continued to stare at the coffin. "Mark talked about you a lot," he said.

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates headed to Chuck's farmhouse for lunch. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting for me. "We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it." Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. I knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which I had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him. "Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." Mark's classmates started to gather around us. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. I keep it in the top drawer of my desk at home." Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said without batting an eyelash. "I think we all saved our lists." That's when I finally sat down and cried. I cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

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3 years ago  ::  Sep 12, 2015 - 1:54PM #8
Posts: 1,785

The Pledge of Allegiance

When the popular American comedian Red Skelton  was a young man, he learned the meaning of the Pledge of Allegiance from one of his teachers.   The lesson became so meaningful he remembered the explanation of his teacher, Mr. Laswell, throughout his lifetime. The ironic thing is when he made this recording he did  not add the words "Under God." Be sure and read what he said about it at the end of his pledge.

In 1969 Red Skelton made the following recording. An explanation of the Pledge Of Allegiance.


An explanation of the Pledge Of Allegiance. By Red Skelton:

I:  Me; an individual; a committee of one.

Pledge:  Dedicate all of my worldly goods to give without self-pity.

Allegiance:  My love and my devotion.

To the Flag:  Our standard; Old Glory ; a symbol of Freedom; wherever she waves there is respect, because your loyalty has given her a dignity that shouts, Freedom is everybody's job.

United:  That means that we have all come together.

States:  Individual communities that have united into forty-eight great states. Forty-eight individual communities with pride and dignity and purpose. All divided with imaginary boundaries, yet united to a common purpose, and that is love for country.

And to the Republic:  Republic--a state in which sovereign power is invested in representatives chosen by the people to govern. And government is the people; and it's from the people to the leaders, not from the leaders to the people.

For which it stands , One Nation:  One Nation--meaning, so blessed by God.

Indivisible:  Incapable of being divided.

With Liberty:  Which is Freedom; the right of power to live one's own life, without threats, fear, or some sort of retaliation.

And Justice:  The principle, or qualities, of dealing fairly with others.

For All:  For All--which means, boys and girls, it's as much your country as it is mine.

And now, boys and girls, 
let me hear you recite the Pledge of Allegiance:

I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for which it stands; 
one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Since I was a small boy, 
two states have been added to our country,
  and two words have been added to the Pledge of Allegiance: 
Under God. 
Wouldn't it be a pity if someone said that is a prayer, 
and that would be eliminated from schools, too?

Red Skelton



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3 years ago  ::  Sep 13, 2015 - 5:46PM #9
Posts: 1,785


This Bud's For You   Smile

I got a dozen roses,
From a friend the other day,
But I only have one left,
For I gave them all away.

I gave one to my sister,
Who to me is very dear,
In hopes that it will bring to her
A little floral cheer.

 I took one to a friend
Who's not feeling very well;
The flower or the visit
Which helped more ... I could not tell.

One went to a friend
I haven't known for very long;
She struggles some small way
I hope this helps her carry on.

 The rest went to the ones
Who've helped me in so many ways;
They have been a cheerful presence
On my very dreary days.

The roses were so pretty
I just could not keep them all,
Except one single bud standing
Beautiful and tall.

My friend gave me the flowers
To help brighten up my day,
But the biggest joy I received
Was in giving them away.

(author unknown)

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3 years ago  ::  Sep 15, 2015 - 3:31AM #10
Posts: 1,785

Spreading Cheer

I must do something for someone today,
Round up my love and give it away!
Telephone a friend just over the hill,
Who's a whole lot lonely and a little bit ill.

Write on my heart several things to be done,
'Twill be such pleasure, not to mention the fun.
Say a few words on a little bitty note,
To make someone happy that I wrote.

Remember a friend if I can't be there,
Open my heart and just send a prayer.
Spreading cheer is so easy if you'd care to try
You can give away much that money can't buy!

Hours pass into days,
and time slips away, but the words
we speak and the things we do
touch the lives of others
and live on forever.


Author unknown

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