May 23, 2011 -- 3:06PM, arabianhorselover wrote:

Well, it's awfully hard to really know what is an accident and what isn't, but I'd like to believe it isn't.  I'm sorry I'm such a hard nut to crack.

I think I view God like I view my Mother.  Never happy.  Impossible to please.  Very angry.  Loving me in a very conditional way.  Not allowing me to be me.  Always finding fault with what ever I'm doing or not doing at any given moment.

And my Dad is just not able to show love except through buying food for people.

Wow!  What a statement.  Sounds like you are doing what we mental health workers call transference, projecting your anger for your mother on God and expecting God to act just like your mother. 

God loves you unconditionally.  No ands if or buts.  He loved you so much that he was willing to give up a piece of himself--his son-for your life.  Through the death of and resurrection of Jesus Christ he has given you life and freedom to be a daughter he loves very much.  As Paul would tell you, there is no condemnation to those who are in Christ.  And you are in Christ by virtue of your baptism.  Luther talks about self doubt in his table talks.  He concludes by saying there are times when one just has to say I am a Child of God by virture of my baptism.

So, in order to feel loved you resort to food.  Your dad taught you well--unfortunately he taught you the wrong lesson. 

These are very deep seated problems that, frankly cannot be addressed in the means of a internet bulliten board.  I go with Tawonda on this.  Go back to your pastor and share this with him.  I think he should be the one to hear this confession and help you with absolution.

As an aside.  I watched Black Swan this past weekend.  I will have to tell you it is one of the strangest movies I have ever seen.  It is rated R for strong sexual content --and I mean strong sexual content, but it is dealing with a ballerina's stiving for perfection.  Problem is, perfection is not what the director is looking for.  He keeps telling her to let herself go.  But she can't and she decends into a hell that is very much like paranoid schizophrenia. Turns out the ballerina stabs herself (the movie does not hint at whether she survives or not) but in that moment she does let go of herself and dances the black swan perfectly. 

The reason why I relay such a movie to you is because of the interaction she has between her mother and herself.  There is such turmoil and anger and shame between the two of them.

Unlike the movie I don't think you can let yourself go.  I think it is God's action that does free you from the past.  And instead of ending in death, God will give you life for the future. 

Lisa

I am sorry I did not have the time to respond yesterday, but I wanted to affirm your decision to go to your pastor again and share with him what you have shared with us.  I think it is a big step to admit to someone how you have your conflicts with your mother and your father.  It is one thing to do it anonymously to people on a message board, but it can be hard to admit it face to face with another person.

One thing, though, pastors are very limited in such matters.  I have found most pastors are not very well trained in counseling.  And many times they have have many other time demands.  At the most they may be able to see you for three or four times.  But if you pastor is worth his weight in salt, I trust he will help you to find someone who is more skilled in addressing the problems you have indicated.  To be sure, if you have spiritual questions, he would be the person to go to.  In time you might want to ask him about Setting Captives Free--though I would expect he would have problems with its theological positions like us.   Hear him out. But I would also expect him to hear you out too.

I will keep praying for you.  Let us know how you are doing.

I know it's been 3 weeks, but when I first posted, I told you that I was smoked.  Smoking and overeating have their similarities. The primary one is that we do it because we feel we lack something in our lives.  We also feel alot of guilt about doing it.   I recently came across something that (hopefully) will help.  This is based on the Bible when Jesus said to love our neighbors as we love ourselves and also about forgiving ourselves( The Lord's Prayer-forgive us our trespasses as we forgive others).  Look in a mirror and say, to yourself," I love you and forgive you."  It is the hardest thing to do.  It took me several times before I could do it. And then I cried.  Blessings to you.

News flash - our sins are forgiven by the death and reserection of God (aka Jesus christ). It is by grace and faith. You do not need to earn or merit anything (e.g. feel repentance). God did the work. Ephisians 2:8 "For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God"

Satan often seeks to trap us in guilt to isolate us from the love of God. Do not be fooled. 

At least in my church (ELCA) the service starts with public confession and the minister anounces to us all that for the sake of the inocent suffering and death of our lord and savior Jesus Christ our sins are forgiven.

If you feel enslaved by food pray (If any among you be sick pray) That is one thing you will find in OA in the 12 steps- step 2 came to believe that God could and would restore us to sanity if her were sought. Step 3 turned our lives and will over to God as we understood him...then the work begins but it deals with repairing the harm and the seperation with others your behavior caused -- because God never left you.

I do not mean to sound preachy but your sins are forgiven. As for OA God uses many tools. I am temped and will quote the joke about the man who drowened in the flood and when he met God asked why his prayers for rescue were not answered. Got responded didn't you notice the fire men and the helicopter I sent?

In your case God might answer - well there are the 12 steps and OA. Perhaps in addition to OA - and do find a sponsor who shares your religious views - it might be useful to read the Augsburg confession which so beautifuly points out what I tried to say above.

I am ELCA so perhaps you have a different interpretation but remember you are a saved and beloved child of God and nothing can seperate us from the love of God in Christ Jeasus.

Aug 13, 2012 -- 12:35PM, arabianhorselover wrote:

Thank you so much for trying to help.   I see it is a year since I posted this thread.  No a whole lot has changed during that time.  I am still overeating, and still feeling bad about it.

I was raised in the ELCA, but switched to the Missouri Synod about 10 years ago.  I have been told my whole life that my sins are frrgiven, but I believe that a person can lose their salvation.

I have never in my life felt good about myself, or even felt that it was okay to feel good about myself.  I have not felt I deserved it.  I feel I deserve to be punished, and that I will never change my behavior if I don't keep kicking myself about it.  I do know that has never worked, however.

I have a problem with the very first step in OA, since I feel that I should have control over this.  I have a very hard time seeing overeating as a disease.

Until I can start to care about myself, I know I won't change.  And I don't know if I can ever do that.