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Switch to Forum Live View Wounded hearts in the church
9 years ago  ::  Nov 25, 2009 - 10:22AM #1
Posts: 4

How can one heal from being hurt in the church? i know seek God first! I know forgive but how can one reallly really begin to heal? is the answer to leave the church?

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8 years ago  ::  Apr 06, 2010 - 8:42PM #2
Posts: 9,053

Nov 25, 2009 -- 10:22AM, Newbeginning7 wrote:

How can one heal from being hurt in the church? i know seek God first! I know forgive but how can one reallly really begin to heal? is the answer to leave the church?

I found this, hope it helps:

The pain caused by a church is a “silent killer.” This doesn’t mean that the words and events that “burned” and hurt your heart are not very ugly and public. It is a “silent killer” because of what it does deep in the fabric of the mind, heart, and soul of the wounded. If not dealt with, it will destroy future happiness, joy, and well-being. The collateral damage always negatively affects the ministry and outreach of the church, too, and some churches never recover. Recognize that the behavior which brought such devastation in your heart is not much different than the hurt any of us can encounter in the workplace, marketplace, or home. The difference is we just don’t expect God’s people to behave like those without Christ in their lives. The church is the one place almost everyone agrees should be safe, accepting, forgiving, and free from conflict and pain. Yet, in most churches, at least some elements of strife, conflict, and hatred creep in and shatter that dream.

It happens more in some churches than others. The spiritual health of people in a church and the strength of leadership determine how prevalent and to what extent that divisive behavior can gain control. Out of control, it has the effect of a termite infiltration that slowly and surely decays the foundation of the spiritual life of a congregation.

For you, it is important to turn your focus away from the people involved and the church itself and with laser focus identify the root cause of your pain, turmoil, and disillusionment. Honestly identify what you are feeling. If you are like most, here are some possibilities: anger, sorrow, disappointment, rejection, hurt feelings, jealously, threatened, fear, rebellion, pride, feeling foolish, ashamed, embarrassed, blame, loss… Find out what is at the core of your hurt—not what someone said or did to you, but what is really causing your pain? Then search the Scriptures to discover what God says about what is really hurting you. Take a Bible concordance and look up each word and read, think, pray, and apply the scripture reference. For example, you may think that you are angry when in reality you feel rejected. What does God say about rejection? He says, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5); “I have loved you with an everlasting love” (Jeremiah 31:3); and, “Surely I am with you always" (Matthew 28:20).

When you truly identify the root of your pain, God has a balm of wisdom, compassion, and love to generously apply to heal to your wound(s). If you call on Him for this, your focus quickly becomes riveted on Him rather than on someone else, or dwelling and rehearsing the event over and over that caused you harm. Admittedly, you truly may be harmed, injured, or offended. You certainly feel it. Those are by-products of deeper, more important realities that have derailed your passion for God, His church, and His purpose for your life. This has soured your taste, and if unattended, it will lead to a root of bitterness that will negatively affect every fiber of your soul and will rob you of any possibility of finding fulfillment in Christ. You do not want this to happen in your life.

How do we keep hurtful experiences from moving their destruction into the fiber of our souls? The book of wisdom from the Bible says we must “guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life” (Proverbs 4:23, NLT). We guard our hearts by choosing the thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and actions we hold. Guard your heart in this situation by refusing to rehearse what happened over and over, dwelling on the people who hurt you, and laboring over the weaknesses of the church. This will take humility. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6; Proverbs 3:34). It will take forgiving attitudes and actions (Matthew 18:22; Mark 11:27; Ephesians 4:32; Colossians 3:13) with no hint of vengeance (Romans 12:19). Mostly, it will take the power of the Holy Spirit working in and through you (Ephesians 3:16).

Don’t blame God for how His children behave. Don’t abandon the church, either. There are always many more dedicated, grace-filled, loving, and forgiving people than not in most churches. Seek them out. Spend time with them. If you cannot find them, find another church (it is rare that you cannot find them even in the most difficult church environment). The church is God’s idea, and He protects it faithfully even though He is pained often by its behavior.

There is a strong warning throughout this answer that a wound of this kind, if unattended, will penetrate deep into the soul and destroy any chance of living an abundant life in Christ (John 10:10). You can have hope because you are seeking healing. It is now up to you to do the right thing and turn your focus to the place, no, the Person, who will truly transform your life above and beyond this hurt in the following way:

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.
--Jesus Christ, Matthew 11:28-30

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8 years ago  ::  Apr 29, 2010 - 1:11PM #3
Posts: 180

Also keep in mind that like a hospital the church can be a place that people search and look to for healing. If you want to catch a cold go to a hspital waiting room. You have a wide variety of people that come to a church. Some are seasoned veterens others are infants. Some will know how to treat you and others will look at you with haughty eyes. Some will be rich and hold there donations high as they give, others will take you behind close doors and give you the shirt off their backs. People think that the church should be different than the world and it should be. In reality it is not. Todays christians co more damage to each other than the worl does. How many speeding cars have fish stickers on them. We are given instuctions to love God and love one another, but we don't do that. I understand that hurt and it is justified. However now, don't enter a church thinking that all in there are holy and perfect. Jesus says, that not all who cry Lord will enter the kingdom of heaven(Matt. 7: 21)

You will face many battles in both this world and within the church. Jesus tells us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper. It doesnt say the weapons won't be formed. The Bible also tells us that we are more than conquerors which implies we will have battles to overcome. The joy of our Lord will be our strength. Seek Him and let Him guide you to the place of worship where He would have you to be.

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8 years ago  ::  Aug 22, 2010 - 7:28PM #4
Posts: 9

The best way to heal is to relinquish self. The first thing someone says when experiencing a tragic event is, "why ME Lord." That is just our sinful way of thinking about things. How am "I" affected, how do "I" feel, and what's that have to do with "ME"!! When we take the focus off of ourselves, hard work I know, we can come closer to God.  This is the solution to the majority of society's problems. Quit being selfish! There is a whole world out there. There are people suffering in ways that we cannot imagine. It is a hard way for us to think about matters, but a transforming one.

Psalms 118:5 

In my anguish I cried to the Lord,

and he answered by setting me free.

Healing for our personal lives comes from God's grace upon us. Once we accept that others hurt us because they are hurt, in the same way we rebel against God when life hurts us, we can make true progress. We are only here for God's glory, once we accept that, life becomes easier.

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