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4 years ago  ::  Nov 09, 2009 - 8:26AM #11
Tmarie64
Posts: 5,277
I've told Charlie (the 11 year old)..."Honey, if you're not pissed off at me at least part of the time, I'm not doing my job right.  And, if you think YOUR opinion of me matters, you are so so wrong.  I am your mother, you will respect me, I don't give a damn if you like me."
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
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4 years ago  ::  Nov 09, 2009 - 10:32AM #12
cove52
Posts: 999

Nov 2, 2009 -- 1:56PM, gilg wrote:


 


Last friday we took my niece to the school Holloween festival, kids and some parents wore customs and it was mostly a fun night, many games and shows for the kids, the food was decent, prices not too high, and the money went to a good cause (science camp and money for field trips)..


This is an elementary school and some of the little girls, it seemed to me, were dressed like little prostitutes (some  moms were too), I didn't say anything, perhaps, I thought, maybe I'm just old fashion but I do know I wouldn't let my kids dress that way. Then I read this article and thought, perhaps I am not alone thinking some moms are nuts:





www.momlogic.com/2009/10/halloween_is_a_...


 


So: do others think that perhaps we have some nutty moms out there or is it that some of us are simply out of touch with what is cool and acceptable?


 


 


 




Gilg, have you ever seen "Toddlers and Tiaras".  It is one of the sickest TV progrtams I have ever watched.  Mothers living out their distorted beauty image dreams through their little girls.  Creepy and "nutty" to say the least.  Jon Benet Ramsey was one of these little beauty pageant contests.  That article only makes you wonder if it wasn't a stalking pedophile who murdered her.  Why would anyone want to expose their child like that?


 


It is hard in this day and age to raise a little girl with a positive image of themselves.  I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who insists she wants blue eyes like mine.  Even asking for colored contacts.  I have absolutely never done anything to make her think that blue eyes are better.  Whenever the subject comes up, I reinforce the fact that her hazel/brown eyes are beautiful and she wouldn't be her with any other colored eyes.  My point is little girls are already self conscience about looks and image.  Crazy impossible perfection is all around them on TV and magazines.  They are constantly being sold a bill of goods.  A mother's job is to open their eyes to false advertising and to reinforce a positive and realistic femininity. A mother has such a huge influence on their daughter's self/body image.  Sadly, too many women have bought into this "bill of goods" and struggle with their own insecurities. 

"I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam / And I got a lotta muscle and I only gots one eye / And I'll never hurt nobodys and I'll never tell a lie / Top to me bottom and me bottom to me top / That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I? / I yam what I yam."
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4 years ago  ::  Nov 09, 2009 - 4:49PM #13
gilg
Posts: 5,199





Cove,


I haven’t seen Toddlers & Tiaras but I do know a crazy mom that enters her little girl in those crazy beauty pageants. Nuts.


When I read the article that I linked, it did occur to me that perhaps what the article was saying applied to the Ramsey girl. There are some sick people out there and I wouldn’t expose my kids to them. And as adults, we shouldn't use our kids to live out our fantasies or as you say, use them to struggle with their own insecurities.


 It is hard in this day and age to raise a little girl with a positive image of themselves.  I have a beautiful 10 year old daughter who insists she wants blue eyes like mine.  Even asking for colored contacts.  I have absolutely never done anything to make her think that blue eyes are better.  Whenever the subject comes up, I reinforce the fact that her hazel/brown eyes are beautiful and she wouldn't be her with any other colored eyes.  My point is little girls are already self conscience about looks and image.  Crazy impossible perfection is all around them on TV and magazines.  They are constantly being sold a bill of goods.  A mother's job is to open their eyes to false advertising and to reinforce a positive and realistic femininity. A mother has such a huge influence on their daughter's self/body image.  Sadly, too many women have bought into this "bill of goods" and struggle with their own insecurities. 


Cove, thank you for this paragraph, it helps me understand just a little more the problems little girls face. I thought my job was done, my youngest is already a mom but I am raising my niece and so all the advice is welcomed. Sometimes I feel lost, I’m glad my wife is more patient than I and has more insight into the human female condition. I could not do this alone.


 


What you are saying is so true, my niece has had some self image problems and I am not the most sensitive guy to these type of issues, your post reminds me that little girls sometimes hurt and just because we haven't face those issues it doesn't mean they aren't real to them. I do think my wife is doing good there but we both are past the child rearing age and we are somewhat out of touch with kids and we didn’t have the same issues with my daughter, so it is a new issue.. With my daughter the problem had more to do with teaching her humility. But we struggle and overall I see my niece more confident but  I know there remains issues related to “image” – the other main issue is she doesn’t get to do everything the other girls are allowed to do and we don’t give her everything the other girls get, e.g., a cell phone and “sexy” cloths.


 


Your comments do remind me of my eldest grandchild. She is half Asian and she was about the only non-white kid in her elementary school and it did cause some self image problems that took some time to resolve. I didn’t deal with them, I was too easy dismissing them but as my son reminded me, one can be gracious and talk about inner beauty when one does not have the subject problem. Now, she is ok with herself and appreciates her roots, looks, and brain. She is popular in her high school, is in drama and sings solos and has many friends: I think she realizes that she took the best from multiple ethnic groups and I am glad for her. Her youngest sisters go to an elementary schools that have a good size Asian population and they are so pretty that image has not been an issue, thank God. 


 


 


 


 


 

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 11, 2009 - 6:22AM #14
HappyMomof5
Posts: 155

Gilg and all the other men on this forum. The most important thing for a young girl is the love of a father ( or father figure) If you accept them as they are and nurture their positive qualities. They should grow up to be confident women. Don't be afraid to hug your girls even when they start to become young women. This act of love gives them the confidence and love they need and desire.

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 11, 2009 - 10:37AM #15
cove52
Posts: 999

Nov 11, 2009 -- 6:22AM, HappyMomof5 wrote:


Gilg and all the other men on this forum. The most important thing for a young girl is the love of a father ( or father figure) If you accept them as they are and nurture their positive qualities. They should grow up to be confident women. Don't be afraid to hug your girls even when they start to become young women. This act of love gives them the confidence and love they need and desire.




Yes, I fully agree.  Nothing more important than a positive male role model in a girl's life.  My husband and our youngest daughter are best buddies.  I feel the greatest gift I have given my children is their father.  He is the involved dad and so much more I didn't have. 


Makes one wonder regarding the article.  We are so quick to blame the mothers.  Where are these fathers?  Why would they allow their daughters to go out the door looking like that?

"I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam / And I got a lotta muscle and I only gots one eye / And I'll never hurt nobodys and I'll never tell a lie / Top to me bottom and me bottom to me top / That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I? / I yam what I yam."
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4 years ago  ::  Nov 11, 2009 - 10:57AM #16
cove52
Posts: 999

Nov 9, 2009 -- 4:49PM, gilg wrote:

...everything the other girls get, e.g., a cell phone...



You reminded me what a huge controversy the "cell phone" thing is among parents right now.  A friend of mine posted on facebook how upset she is with her father in-law because he has bought one for her daughter for Christmas.  So many people have chimmed in on her status.  Most are against it.  Well, my 10 year old has one.  Last year my husband and I had to take a trip to attend a family wedding.  Our older children were left in-charge of their "baby" sister.  My husband decided to get her one so that she could call us and we could call or text her anytime.  It gave her and us a sense of security. In this day and age when kids have so many activities and families can be seperated for many hours during the day the cell phone is a modern way of being "nearby".  I have to say I like it.  Of course like any "privilege" this needs to be monitored and kids being kids can abuse it.  My daughter is still young enough that it isn't a problem.  She rarely uses it to call a friend.  Most of the time it is in her dance bag because for some reason she thinks I am going to forget to pick her up from practice.  Honestly, I am not that forgetful, lol.  It is a simple phone.  No bells and whistles.  You pay for so many minutes at a time.  It is pretty inexpensive. 

"I yam what I yam and I yam what I yam that I yam / And I got a lotta muscle and I only gots one eye / And I'll never hurt nobodys and I'll never tell a lie / Top to me bottom and me bottom to me top / That's the way it is 'til the day that I drop, what am I? / I yam what I yam."
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4 years ago  ::  Nov 11, 2009 - 6:31PM #17
gilg
Posts: 5,199

HappyMom,


Thank you for the advice, I will try. It wasn't a problem to be loving and to kiss or hug my daughter, it is more difficult with my niece, but I will try.


 


Cove,


We are so quick to blame the mothers.  Where are these fathers?


Good point.


Perhaps most fathers are as I was when I worked, too busy earning a living and so we leave everything to mom.


Now, I regret the many activities I missed, I was often too busy to attend school functions or other things the kids did. Yet, I know this is an excuse, I was never too busy that I couldn't juggle things so that I always attended the football games when my son played....  In short, you are right, where are the dads & there is no excuse.


The cell phone thing.... well, you have a point. Maybe, and that is only a maybe, this Christmas I might surprise her..... if not, then maybe next year. But I will do this, if we go to Disneyland or places like that, I'll let her borrow mine just in case we lose contact...


A real concern I have about cell phones is safety. I've read some studies suggesting they may have long term effects, particularly for children. A study that brought this to my attention is that Marin County (One of the wealthiest counties in California and probably the USA) has the highest rate of brain tumors...one possible explanation for this is that people there have high tech toys that use the same technology for transmitting as cell phones do.  There are ongoing studies but some critics say that it will be like the cigarette smoking debate, the cell phone companies will keep stalling etc... just as the cigarette companies did... But I guess if we don't use the cell phone that much then it should be ok....I'll get her one ..... soon, at least by the time she is 21!


 


 

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 12, 2009 - 6:03AM #18
Mysty101
Posts: 2,018

Hi all,


My daughters danced in competition.  Our director was skilled in choreography without suggestive costumes and moves, but some were not. 


Even some of the so called "nice" clothes for little girls are far too revealing, and could lead to trouble.  Didn't anyone learn anything from seeing the photos and hearing the horrible things that happened to Jon Benet Ramsey? 


SuZ

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 12, 2009 - 1:59PM #19
gilg
Posts: 5,199

You know, you ladies bring up an interesting subject: Parenting Skills, and it is a subject that merits discussion, why don't one of you start a thread or we can discuss it here.I know that I have done such practices as spanking and that some think this is barbaric behavior, yet I think it can be appropriate and I am sure there are other differences, it does not necessarily mean one is right and that others are wrong.


 

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 13, 2009 - 10:31AM #20
Shaner
Posts: 1,596


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