We may have done this before, I don't know. The forgivness thread got me thinking-

When Paul says that someone who takes part in the Lord's Supper 'unworthily' is sinning, what does he mean? What makes someone 'unworthy'?

Let me explain where I'm coming from. A good friend of mine went through a divorce a couple of years ago. She cheated on him-I'm not sure how many times, but it was more than once. It was an agonizing decision for him, although things hadn't been 'right' between him and his wife for quite a while. The thing he agonized most about wasn't breaking vows to his wife so much as breaking the vows to God that he felt he was making when he said 'I do'. He's a rather religious person and very well studied on the subjects of the Bible and Christianity in general. He was so torn up about it that he told me he wasn't sure if he was worthy to take the Eucharist, or if he had been sinning this entire time by taking it while he wasn't actively trying to reconcile with his wife. When I asked him where he got that idea from, he mentioned the part of the Sermon on the Mount where Jesus talks about grudges-

"So if you are offering your gift on the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled with your brother and then come and offer your gift." (Mt 5:23-24, Holman Christian Standard Version).

He felt that, by filing for divorce, he was 'giving up' on reconciling and therefore forever rendering himself 'unworthy'. Remember, these are the thoughts of someone going through a lot of emotional pain.

I reminded him that a) he *had* tried to reconcile before, but at one point she said she wasn't sure she wanted to be married anymore. Even though that happened a year or so before the divorce and they had gotten counseling from their (Lutheran) priest, things had never really been resolved; b) by cheating, his wife broke the vow and c) his situation fit the description Jesus gave later in the same chapter about divorce. I wasn't saying this to say he had an 'out' so much as that it takes two people to make things work and that he shouldn't beat himself up when he had done everything he could to restore things. If God really is the omnipresent, omnicient being that we believe He is, surely He would know these things and not hold him responsible for something that wasn't entirely his doing. As far as I know, Lutherans don't excommunicate divorced people the way Catholicism does. At least, that's my understanding. I could be wrong.

Honestly, I was trying whatever I could to help him out. But do you think that a situation like this would make someone 'unworthy' in terms of the Eucharist? What sorts of things would make someone 'unworthy' in general, or *is* there anything? Do you think that God considers any 'mitigating circumstances' such as reconciliation not being possible or (in the case of abusive relationships) even a good idea? If not, why not?
 

Annie, I know what you mean re: unusual for someone to forego the Eucharist if they have something troublesome in their hearts. You're right, we aren't taught much about these things. The problem is, exactly what constitutes 'troublesome'? I say that because people with issues with depression like my friend and myself will often have a hard time telling the difference between the depression talking and what actually *is* a problem attitude. How can we tell the difference?

I will say one thing, their divorce was uncontested and somewhat amicable. At least that way neither of them will be having this hanging over their heads for a long time because the feelings of anger, etc have already been (largely) worked through.

Beautifully said Mlyons....full of His grace and mercy!

Dec 20, 2012 -- 8:25PM, Beautiful_Dreamer wrote:

Annie, I know what you mean re: unusual for someone to forego the Eucharist if they have something troublesome in their hearts. You're right, we aren't taught much about these things. The problem is, exactly what constitutes 'troublesome'? I say that because people with issues with depression like my friend and myself will often have a hard time telling the difference between the depression talking and what actually *is* a problem attitude. How can we tell the difference?

I will say one thing, their divorce was uncontested and somewhat amicable. At least that way neither of them will be having this hanging over their heads for a long time because the feelings of anger, etc have already been (largely) worked through.

Only he could really say when he is at peace.  As I said, Christ works with us on these things if we only turn to him.   Forgiveness, if it is what is required, is essentially already given, but we often don't feel it or accept it.  Any guilt we seem to carry, that too needs to be dealt with because we need to be gracious and forgiving of ourselves.  Any tendency toward anger or unforgiveness, jealousy, desire toward vengence, etc., and these emotions will tumble with our memories. 

I know that when I have someone to forgive, I will forgive, but silly me--I can revisit my emotional baggage in a weak moment.  A friend told me a long, long time ago that it takes a full year to overcome these big disastrous events in life and so no new move should be taken for at least that long, such as remarriage.  This also applies to grief.  By and large, I think he was right in my own experience.  It takes time to heal. 

Even though we know better now that we should be supportyive of others than in the past, when a person expresses weakness, depression or inner struggle they may still be ostrasized for it, told to buck up, etc.  I think we learn this rather quickly and so we don't express our dark and deep emotional struggles.  I think depression can result from this.

Depression may come from suppressed emotions.  We can hide some of these things in the depths of our minds.  Years ago, I did the Artist's Way by Julia Cameron.  Early on, I found that facing what was buried in my mind was brought out.  I discovered that some pretty inane things had turned into silent monsters and once brought out through journaling and the dreams that came to me at that time, I could banish my them.  But those first six weeks were rough!  *lol* Note that what I am saying here is that there is a difference between overcoming our baggage and suppressing it.  By not looking at it we seemingly move on, but it drags us down at the subconscious level.  I was amazed by how powerful that was and remembering that now it may be time for me to revisit the practice. 

We believe that Christ is in the Holy Sacraments and through them we are forgiven.  Sometimes it helps to cry about it, to develop some sympathy for ourselves before we can let go of our baggage.  This is why doing the Rite of Penance can be so cathartic.  All I can say is that I do face my issues quickly when I forgo the Sacraments and wait a week.  This is just up to the individual as to if it might help and when to do it. 

Annie