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4 years ago  ::  Apr 19, 2010 - 2:33AM #1
tattwo
Posts: 286

I wanted to share this with everyone. Well I went back to the old bnet archives and re-read the numerous readings that I received. Post that are about 3-4 yrs old now. I didn't realize how much I have changed and grown as a person but alot of stuff haven't changed. The changes that I have made stemmed from my mom's death in 2008. I often wonder if she still was alive would I have made those changes?


The things that are still lingering are things that I know I need to do like knowing when to let go and move on, worrying about other people's opinion of me, and not trusting myself and my insticts which causes me to seek out others for what I need to do with my life instead of making my own decisions. So after 3-4 years that haven't change.


I do realize that alot of stuff that I'm going through and the stuck in a rut feeling is me because I'm scared to move forward. I think this has gotten worst after my mom died because her death was unexpected. The days leading up to her death were perfect - smooth sailing. I mean everything was going smoothly. My job wasn't stressful and I actually enjoyed going to work. I mean the weather was beautiful. Particularly warm for November. Beautiful skies. Clear and sunny.


Now, I fear being happy truly happy because I feel that if everything is going good in my life then boom! It's all gone in a blink of an eye. Don't get me wrong I'm not in a funk or anything because I do have fun, but when it comes to major life changing events, that's when I become stagnant. Don't fret because this is being worked on. Slowy but surely. Things that normally worked for me isn't working for me anyone like behaviors and how I handle things, and relationships. So in a sense I really don't have a choice but to change.


I'm glad I found bnet and the people on here. It helped me to get in touch with my spirituality. If I didn't I know I would have handle my mom's death alot differently. So thanks to everyone on this board for helping me out not just with coping qith my mom's death but with helping me out in general.


 


 


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4 years ago  ::  Apr 19, 2010 - 9:40AM #2
BeerLover
Posts: 1,230

Hi Tattwo, good to see you back here posting, and good to see you reviewing all your old reads.  it's amazing how some of them came true, isnt' it?  That has been my experience anyway.


Apr 19, 2010 -- 2:33AM, tattwo wrote:


Now, I fear being happy truly happy because I feel that if everything is going good in my life then boom! It's all gone in a blink of an eye...


  So in a sense I really don't have a choice but to change.



 There is a lot to say, but these two thoughts stuck out for me.  Regarding the first one, fearing happy times, there is a lot of philosophy out there which addresses this problem.  There is the whole Zen notion of living in the moment.  Then there is the wisdom of a very old King Solomon looking back over his life with the regret he didn't live for the day a little more.  This can be found in the book of Eccleiastes (sp?).  There is the famous, "There is a time for everything" passage, and a lot more.  King Solomon was always working hard, building, denying the moment for some future reward.  In the end, he had built up a large kingdom, but he never got to enjoy it.  He was too busy. 


There will be happy times and sad times in life.  Don't hold back during the happy times.  Enjoy them fully because they might be gone tomorrow.  Love fully while you can.  And when the sad times come, and the lonely times come, take comfort knowhing they too are temporary.  I'll quote you some of Master Osho's take on The Fool.  He says in part if something can be taken, it was never really yours to begin with, and that which is truly yours can never be taken from you.  Now that's a pretty short list- your innocence, your joy, your hopes and dreams.  He also says "Don't build up a wall of knowlege around your self."


 


And no, you really don't have a choice but to change.  It's a concept I had a hard time with as well.  The world is changing all around you.  Friends, even family, come and go.  Jobs, homes, pets it all so temporary.  The only thing you can do is accept the nature of life is full of change.  You can either ride the wave or be swept along unwillingly.  Either way, things change, life changes, you change.  That's another aspect of The Fool- once you have mastered one phase of life (the Fool makes it to the top of the mountain), another phase with totally new challenges begins (the Fool makes the leap).  It's a cycle, and the really tough part is the new phase might take a totally different skill set, or approach to master.  Life is funny that way.


Blessings on your journey,


BeerLover

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 19, 2010 - 11:19PM #3
tattwo
Posts: 286

It is amazing Beerlover! Truly amazing. At the time, its hard for you to see what's going on, but when you look back over things ... all I can say is wows. 3-4 years ago where some hard times, I still have some residual effects but I thought I couldn't make or would have made.


Once I learn how to stop being resistant of change or fighting against, my life would be alot easier. That's what causes me a lot of heartache and pain. Again, that's being worked on too. Laughing


Thanks for all your help Beerlover and kind words. "  I'll quote you some of Master Osho's take on The Fool.  He says in part if something can be taken, it was never really yours to begin with, and that which is truly yours can never be taken from you"- That is so true. So very true!

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4 years ago  ::  Apr 20, 2010 - 8:21AM #4
BeerLover
Posts: 1,230

Smile

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