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Switch to Forum Live View spirituality and my home life
2 years ago  ::  Oct 23, 2015 - 8:06PM #181
rideronthastorm
Posts: 9,223

Im sorry I havnt written the past 3 weeks and Im aware that Beliefnet wont be here in a week.I will go ahead and get the private journal Ill start using put the link up tomarrow so I dont lose touch.



So anyways no I had bad bronchitis the past 2 weeks, I may still have it so Ive been really out of it.But then today I started having a tummy virus which i wont give the yucky details for but sick as a dog but Ill write anyways.


First my diet. I came to terms with myself a couple of weeks ago that I cant avoid carbs and good food. I was up to 317 now probably 323 by now but Ive been gaining slowly so.


I figured I could do one or 2 things try to eat what I want in small amounts maybe exercise an hour a day on top of it and lose 2-4 pounds a month.


I could also just eat everything I want and exercise and hope to lose 1 or 2 pounds a month but I dont know that would work.


I got off on that idea the past week or two and Ive been binge eating bad.I cant stand how I feel after a binge its dangerous. I need to at leaste if nothing else,be able to eat small amounts of what i eat control myself some.


Oddly enough with this virus I know I lost a tiny bit of weight today. If I have it for the next few days will definitly lose some.


But regardless of wether I have it the next few days or not Im so so so very sick at my tummy I probably wont eat for several days. Sometimes when I do that my tummy shrinks and I can start eating healthy again,so Im hoping that will happen.


Anyways on my sex addiction I was so so stressed out by my bronchitis and my sister blew up at me got tired of me going to the docter. She never goes she doesnt in docters or the 12 steps or psychiatrists so.


She wants me to be like that. But anyways after the verbal abuse blowing up negativity about my program, and me being sick as a dog I not only relapsed but threw my hands up in the air and said thats it Im dropping out of SAA.


After I had one sex partner who turned into a one time thing even though he said he wouldnt him rushing out afterwards and me realizing hes probably married;I found him off of ok cupid; I decided to get sober again.


My accounts still up though and Im talking to someone else so well see if I get sober or not,Im really sick out of my mind right now though.So I dont know anything yet though.


Its amazing all the rediculous scams up there though.

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