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Switch to Forum Live View What about this one, Men
4 years ago  ::  Oct 30, 2010 - 7:04PM #1
Meiggst
Posts: 5

 I have a question for all the men out there.  I am involved in a relationship with this man whom I love very much.  I have been divorced for three years.  He and I have been dating for about two.  In November of last year, he asked me to marry him.  At the time he didn't have a steady job, but he did side jobs.  He lived with his mom and stepfather, and had no reliable transportation.  I have a career, home, and reliable car.  I pushed all those things about his stability to the side because I felt like love could conquer all.  Anyway, he got a great job at the beginning part of this year.  He traveled and did well.  He is now laid off and back at home.  He has some money saved up and has a home that his stepdad has offered him.  He just has to get furniture, utilities, etc. turned on.  I guess the part I don't understand about him is that he doesn't want to get married now, but he doesn't mind us living together.  I'm totally against that, yet he makes me feel guilty in a subtle way for not inviting him to stay with me.  Last night he stayed at his mom's again, and now he is out looking for a hotel to stay in.  I'm confused.  Men, does this man really love me or playing me?  

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 03, 2010 - 2:00AM #2
in_my_opinion
Posts: 2,930

Love is committment. That should fully answer your question.


And that's from both members of this long and happily married couple. In fact it came from the husband, originally.

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 13, 2010 - 8:47PM #3
Meiggst
Posts: 5

If you are saying that I need to be committed no matter, I do get that.  If not, I'm lost.


Maybe it's just one of those things I'll have to figure out before it's too late.


 

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4 years ago  ::  Nov 14, 2010 - 1:29AM #4
in_my_opinion
Posts: 2,930

Nov 13, 2010 -- 8:47PM, Meiggst wrote:


If you are saying that I need to be committed no matter, I do get that.  If not, I'm lost.


Maybe it's just one of those things I'll have to figure out before it's too late.


 




No, that's not completely it. The committment has to come from both of you, at the same time. Ask him why he changed his mind about marriage. Ask him why he just wants to live together now.


People who live together before marrying tend not to stay together and it is a bad sign.


Even those who live together and then marry, have a far higher divorce rate.


 


 


Love is being able to overlook the small issues.


Good sense is knowing what the big concerns, that are deal breakers, should be.


Work, money, education, age, should not be deal breakers.


Health, genetic problems, depresssion/mania are in between.


Lying, drugs/alcohol/gambling, cheating, cruelty (of any kind), violence (except in defense), are some of the really bad ones. 

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