|4 years ago :: Jul 08, 2010 - 5:36PM #1|
but am ready to get back up again. My problems are overwhelming me and in a way I seem to make some choices to perpetrate to a certain extent. A lot of the mess I get I don't ask for though and I've done so much work on myself to make improvements, and I have done it, but just when I feel like I"ve overcome something...something outside my control comes along and makes life hard for me again.
So yesterday I feel like I gave up a little bit. Sometimes I go to church on Wednesday evenings for inspiration and to share. I go on Sundays too, to worship and stuff, not every week but especially when I feel it inside or for special occasions like my B-day or any holiday. Wednesdays services feel more intimate to me though. But last night I changed my mind at the last minute cause the church I like is an 90 minutes away from home, and 60 minutues from work. Leaving work, going to church, then going home is hard. I was too tired and it hit me that all this time I've been going to church and praying and NONE of my prayers are coming true.
I don't want the moon and stars, just a little peace of mind. A stable family. Enough money to where I have the freedom to be able to balance out my life between family obligations and "me" time. I've been praying for the people I care about to have mental, emotional, and financial breakthroughs to be content. I pray for my kid to grow and have a good life.
Yesterday I felt like what's the point of my prayers? No matter what I'm just stuck to live through all the drama and pain and frustration that I feel, and see in the ones I care about.
I guess I feel a little better today cause I said some prayers on my way to work. Mostly just praying for me to have the strength to get my life together. And I really want a BF. Getting my life together involves being focused to be able to move on in my career and move on in other ways. Hopefully once I get that thing going other things will fall into place. Nothing has changed in my life and it may take at least 6 months for some real changes to take effect but I can move towards and be positive and have faith and I guess keep praying. Prayers of gratitude and prayers for whatever it takes to keep going forward, and prayers for those I care about.