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5 years ago  ::  Feb 24, 2010 - 12:56PM #1
solful1
Posts: 156

The last few days I've decided to *really* move on emotionally, and in a way spiritually, from a situation that I let hold me back for a few years. The details aren't relevant, the part that's affecting me is just going through this process of really "letting go". It's hard and I just realized it's a little scary for me. The scary part for me is facing head on the concept of having "nothing" as opposed to "something". I don't mean that in a pessimistic way it could sound too. I was hanging on to an "idea" for a long time instead of being in reality and seeing things as they really are. I wanted my hopes to be fulfilled so bad and I kept getting disappointed when they weren't and in a way seemed like it fed my hope. Sort of like a gambler who loses, and tries again believing "this time I'll win".


I feel very alone, and at times naked. Just exposed with no protection. Vulnerable. I believe that's  not a bad thing though. I listen to spiritual lectures and one thing a person said that struck me, was to learn to "lean into the pain". The act of resistance sometimes makes the pain worse, when just leaning into it, accepting it, and even embracing it, can help it dissipate and move on.


This is where I'm at and so far it hurts though not really as much as I thought it would. I feel empty a lot but I work through it and in keeping up my daily activities, praying for strength, clarity, and compassion I've been able to access that joyful core deep inside once in a while. Just wanted to reach out and share. Hope all is going smoothly for everyone else.


Namaste.

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5 years ago  ::  Feb 26, 2010 - 6:58AM #2
Leolotus
Posts: 74

You are not alone in this.  Everyone on this planet is experiencing it because of the energies around us.


It may be letting go of a person or family member (Haiti earthquake), letting go of a job or money (economic crisis) or even letting go of an expectation or a belief about something.


I have had to do a lot of "letting go" over the years largely due to extensive travel.  I have let go of family, relationships, possessions, beliefs, ideals.


I remember when I saw a clairvoyant at one stage she said...


"Every tear you cry is a good tear....."  How true because by letting go of something there is oftentimes a grieving process to go through.


Last year I was made  redundant from a job I had held for 5 years.  I was "made" to let go but in it's place is now a much more fulfilling job where already in 6 months I feel more appreciated that in the 5 years at the other place.


Letting go is scarey at times but often it is the best thing for our growth and allows more space for better things to come our way.

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5 years ago  ::  Feb 27, 2010 - 4:37PM #3
ManzanitaBear
Posts: 946

Feb 26, 2010 -- 6:58AM, Leolotus wrote:


You are not alone in this.  Everyone on this planet is experiencing it because of the energies around us.




What is it about the energies that's making all of this happen?


It's true for me, too. I'm also seeing lots of synchronicities with the major earthquake in Chile, even though I haven't been directly affected by it.

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 04, 2010 - 12:59PM #4
solful1
Posts: 156

Wow, you both are right. I've been so caught up in my pain that I haven't given a lot of thought of the vast suffering by others directly affected by the earthquakes. I most think of them when I hear updates on the news.


My problem was only falling in love with someone who wasn't interested in me. And for some reason I had built up all this hope and fantasy that eventually he could realize I'm a great mate for him and welcome me into his life. I've done this before with other guys before, and most of the time we did end up being together eventually, but this current guy and the one before him did not work out at all. My intuition was off. And I feel more lonesome than I did before. I've been divorced for 8.5 years and have not had a relationship since. The first 4 years of divorce I was pining for one guy. Then the last 3 years I've been pining for this current guy. I always tell myself I'm open to meeting the right person when they appear, and I have been going out and meeting people, just not the right people. I just want to feel healed internally. Realizing I'm not alone in the struggle of letting go calms me. I think my problem is pretty petty by Big Picture standards but feeling these feelings is hard for me to endure. Inspiration helps and I do see that I am on the way to being healed. I just have more to go. And keeping others in mind can help me too, if they can deal with loss and the powerful emotions that come up after traggedies, I can get through my stuff. I can also send out positive vibes through prayer for those who are enduring more painful situations.


many thanks.

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 06, 2010 - 1:30AM #5
ManzanitaBear
Posts: 946

Seems to me that this is part of the big picture: whatever desires we women have, it's always supposed to be about getting the right man.


Probably, your real desires aren't for a man at all. Take that or leave it; it's just what I see in all this. Do you have desires that you might be submerging in wanting a man?


That's not to say you don't really want this man, or didn't really want any of the others. Just that the greater culture encourages us to think all desires are really desires for sex... and all women's desires are really desires for a man.


Maybe you did want romance with this man, and the others before him, but couldn't have it without also projecting all the other stuff that's supposed to go along with it. The reality is, the right guy for romance, or even just sleeping with, isn't always the right life partner. One doesn't necessarily go along with the other.


I'm writing when tired, so probably rambling and not making much sense. Hope something I say is of use to you. If not, feel free to ignore it.

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 06, 2010 - 7:11AM #6
BeerLover
Posts: 1,227

Feb 24, 2010 -- 12:56PM, solful1 wrote:


The last few days I've decided to *really* move on emotionally, and in a way spiritually, from a situation that I let hold me back for a few years. The details aren't relevant, the part that's affecting me is just going through this process of really "letting go". It's hard and I just realized it's a little scary for me. The scary part for me is facing head on the concept of having "nothing" as opposed to "something". I don't mean that in a pessimistic way it could sound too. I was hanging on to an "idea" for a long time instead of being in reality and seeing things as they really are. I wanted my hopes to be fulfilled so bad and I kept getting disappointed when they weren't and in a way seemed like it fed my hope. Sort of like a gambler who loses, and tries again believing "this time I'll win".


I feel very alone, and at times naked. Just exposed with no protection. Vulnerable. I believe that's  not a bad thing though. I listen to spiritual lectures and one thing a person said that struck me, was to learn to "lean into the pain". The act of resistance sometimes makes the pain worse, when just leaning into it, accepting it, and even embracing it, can help it dissipate and move on.


This is where I'm at and so far it hurts though not really as much as I thought it would. I feel empty a lot but I work through it and in keeping up my daily activities, praying for strength, clarity, and compassion I've been able to access that joyful core deep inside once in a while. Just wanted to reach out and share. Hope all is going smoothly for everyone else.


Namaste.




Ah Soulful1, good for you!!!  Emptiness can be a very, very good thing.  There is a card in the Osho Zen deck called, "Clinging to the Past."  It shows a woman stumbling through life clinging to a big box of memories.  There is a big cup of blessing in the here and now, but she can't see it because the box is in the way.  Even if she could see it, her arms are full.  Her life is full like a livingroom packed with old broken down furniture.  There is no room for anything new. 


Shed the past, whatever defined you before is gone.  Time for a really good spring cleaning in the Soulful1 world.  Be ruthless, if it no longer belongs, or doesn't bring you joy, get rid of it.  Don't worry if all you are left with is a chair and a cardboard box (figuratively speaking).  Funny thing about life is we don't stay empty for very long.  Chuck all the useless old stuff, and trust that the Creator will send fresh new stuff your way, a new identity.  It happened this way to me.


And about the healing part, I once asked a very smart person how to deal with the bad things which come your way in life.  I had to pin her down, but finally she said it's best to talk it out.  Be open, don't try to close it up inside.  Yes, it is good to remember you are part of the world community, and send blessings out to those suffering more than you are.  That's not to make light of your own suffering.  Sending out  blessings and positive vibes has the "unintended" consequense of brightening up your own life.


Be alone, be you.  Be at peace with yourself.  Be whole.


BeerLover

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4 years ago  ::  Mar 25, 2010 - 1:36PM #7
solful1
Posts: 156

Thanks for the props Beerlover. I've seen your posts around and you seem like really cool people. I have tarot cards too and I like to do spreads on myself in the morning, in a way it feels like a form of meditation to me. And for a while the messages were sort of like "pain" in the present and usually I'd get more "hopeful" cards like the Sun, Hermit, 6 Cups, or Empress for my future or as outcomes. I try to not hang by this stuff because I think if I do it everyday that's not a good thing. But even times when I'm feeling low I'll just look up the definition of The Tower or Temperance just to read the message of falling to ruin and starting over again, or utilizing patience. I also like reading the definition for the High Priestess sometimes.


Things ("good" and "bad") for me are going by rather quickly and I feel overwhelmed again. I think in the coming days I just need patience and equilibrium.


Spring tidings to all! In a way I feel like this is the real start of the new year, a new cycle, the next round of birth and all that. I think the Persians observe the Vernal equinox as the New Year and I really like that idea!

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4 years ago  ::  Jun 14, 2010 - 7:07PM #8
Tina
Posts: 5

OMG! It seems like I am reading my own emotions and thoughts about a man that I have feelings for that are not reciprocated either.  I have this feelings for this man about 3 1/2 years and counting and just recently (last October) I decide to tell him how I felt.  But all the words and the feelings I got from your post is so identical with myself.  This man is unavailable and I still had the guts to tell him how I feel.  But now I feel like I am naked as well because I told him how I felt; gave out my true emotions; and got no reciprocation from him. Mind you, he has been kind to me but we haven't 'seen' each other since I told him how I feel.  I try to make arrangements for us to meet up for coffee but the plans never stick.  I am in love with someone and there is nothing I can do about it.  The worst feeling in the world...no control over these emotions that I am too deep to let go so easily.  How to let go...really let go of someone that you truly love and know that it can't be?  

Feb 24, 2010 -- 12:56PM, solful1 wrote:


The last few days I've decided to *really* move on emotionally, and in a way spiritually, from a situation that I let hold me back for a few years. The details aren't relevant, the part that's affecting me is just going through this process of really "letting go". It's hard and I just realized it's a little scary for me. The scary part for me is facing head on the concept of having "nothing" as opposed to "something". I don't mean that in a pessimistic way it could sound too. I was hanging on to an "idea" for a long time instead of being in reality and seeing things as they really are. I wanted my hopes to be fulfilled so bad and I kept getting disappointed when they weren't and in a way seemed like it fed my hope. Sort of like a gambler who loses, and tries again believing "this time I'll win".


 


I feel very alone, and at times naked. Just exposed with no protection. Vulnerable. I believe that's  not a bad thing though. I listen to spiritual lectures and one thing a person said that struck me, was to learn to "lean into the pain". The act of resistance sometimes makes the pain worse, when just leaning into it, accepting it, and even embracing it, can help it dissipate and move on.


 


This is where I'm at and so far it hurts though not really as much as I thought it would. I feel empty a lot but I work through it and in keeping up my daily activities, praying for strength, clarity, and compassion I've been able to access that joyful core deep inside once in a while. Just wanted to reach out and share. Hope all is going smoothly for everyone else.


 


Namaste.





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4 years ago  ::  Jun 15, 2010 - 1:03PM #9
Green.is.my.favorite.color
Posts: 381

Something about what you said, Tina, makes me want to write something in this thread.


Making yourself vulnerable to another human being takes such courage. I hope and pray the man you speak of holds your vulnerability AND courage in honor and never uses it in anyway.


Ya know, the older I get, the more I realize I don't know how to just "let go" of all the crud in my life (i.e. guilt, shame, even lust). - I'm 46, btw.


I do find that letting go is just like peeling an onion... layer by layer. Really is :) Because, if it ain't one thing, its another. There's definitely some good and worthwhile inside, but I gotta peel back the crust.


Today, I'm working on "letting go" of some of my triggers for depression... well, many weeks, actually.


Its a lifelong process. A revealing one. It has been for me, spiritual. I'm peeking inside myself and glimpsing my true identity, the one I was originally given!


My point? evolve with it... by it. Letting go is a good thing.


Best to you


Karl (the green dude)

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4 years ago  ::  Jun 15, 2010 - 7:38PM #10
Tina
Posts: 5

thank you for responding.  he has been kind to me on all the phone calls I give him and the constant 'asking him to lunch' but i like to know how he really feels about me.  i mean, he must have some feelings to me; more then friends; for him to act the way he did before i revealed to him my feelings and after? I wouldn't have said anything to him if I didn't see/feel something from him. i want to contact him so bad but i know its best for all that i don't.


i wish he would contact me and we can see each other face-to-face to ??discuss?? my revealing phone call to him last year, so we can have it laid out on the table so to speak and I can have closure and definitive knowledge where he stands on his feelings to me.


Shouldn't we talk in person so he can tell me flat out; No, stop contacting me or Yes, i have feelings for you too!


is that wrong to ask and expect and also yearn for?


comments, no matter how harsh it may be


thanks


 

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