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6 years ago  ::  Jun 24, 2008 - 9:24AM #1
BeerLover
Posts: 1,227
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Hi all,

Forvgive me if this issue has already been discussed here.  I have an 11 y.o. son who sure could use a little centering in his life.  He has numerous issues, among them being stuck in "fight or flight" mode, no peace or calm in his life ever.  Some professionals have tagged him with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).  I"m not sure if this is true, but he is in this neighborhood at least.  Needless to say he fights with us all the time, makes the simplest things into a power struggle, and has zero empathy, none, zero, zilch.

So I was thinking a little meditiation might help to get him out of his continual amped up state.  He knows about breathing exercises, but doesn't do them.  I was thinking about a biofeedback device to help him calm down.  Much as I would love to try conventional techniques- soft music, clearing the mind, chanting, etc- I don't think they would work.  Too little attention span, too much suspicion (yes, he has ADHD as well).  Any suggestions?  Maybe something that's not presented as meditaion but a game or contest?

He is 11 and crashing into puberty.  He really needs some tools to deal with all the stuff going on inside and drugs can only do so much.

Peace,
BeerLover
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 26, 2008 - 9:26PM #2
divalicious
Posts: 363
[QUOTE=BeerLover;583675][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]
Hi all,

Forvgive me if this issue has already been discussed here.  I have an 11 y.o. son who sure could use a little centering in his life.  He has numerous issues, among them being stuck in "fight or flight" mode, no peace or calm in his life ever.  Some professionals have tagged him with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).  I"m not sure if this is true, but he is in this neighborhood at least.  Needless to say he fights with us all the time, makes the simplest things into a power struggle, and has zero empathy, none, zero, zilch.

So I was thinking a little meditiation might help to get him out of his continual amped up state.  He knows about breathing exercises, but doesn't do them.  I was thinking about a biofeedback device to help him calm down.  Much as I would love to try conventional techniques- soft music, clearing the mind, chanting, etc- I don't think they would work.  Too little attention span, too much suspicion (yes, he has ADHD as well).  Any suggestions?  Maybe something that's not presented meditaion but a game or contest?

He is 11 and crashing into puberty.  He really needs some tools to deal with all the stuff going on inside and drugs can only do so much.

Peace,
BeerLover
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Hello BeerLover, I think that guided meditation would do wonders for your child. He can't possible be asked to center himself. He will need a guided format. I am a massage therapist. Massage therapy has many modalities that can help ADD-ADHD chilldren. Specifically, CranioSacral Therapy and Polarity. They are both considered energy work. Please, consider them.
Also- Kinesiology, CranioSacral, and Bowen therapy are natural ways to improve health, behavior, and emotions. This is not fluffy bunny hogwash. The research backs up the claims.
Please feel free to look these modalities up, in conjunction with one another.
I wish you well. The massage and bodywork therapies- including energy work really can help.
Let me know if you need more information.
Divalicious
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 26, 2008 - 10:36PM #3
inthemidstwest
Posts: 136
[QUOTE=BeerLover;583675][FONT="Comic Sans MS"]
Hi all,

Forvgive me if this issue has already been discussed here.  I have an 11 y.o. son who sure could use a little centering in his life.  He has numerous issues, among them being stuck in "fight or flight" mode, no peace or calm in his life ever.  Some professionals have tagged him with generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).  I"m not sure if this is true, but he is in this neighborhood at least.  Needless to say he fights with us all the time, makes the simplest things into a power struggle, and has zero empathy, none, zero, zilch.

So I was thinking a little meditiation might help to get him out of his continual amped up state.  He knows about breathing exercises, but doesn't do them.  I was thinking about a biofeedback device to help him calm down.  Much as I would love to try conventional techniques- soft music, clearing the mind, chanting, etc- I don't think they would work.  Too little attention span, too much suspicion (yes, he has ADHD as well).  Any suggestions?  Maybe something that's not presented as meditaion but a game or contest?

He is 11 and crashing into puberty.  He really needs some tools to deal with all the stuff going on inside and drugs can only do so much.

Peace,
BeerLover
[/FONT][/QUOTE]
Hello, BL.  I have a teenage daughter that is not ADHD, but I can relate to some of what you are talking about, especially the 'not making it seem like meditation, a game or something' proposal.  There is WAY to much bullying from peers at that age, and the last thing any teen wants to feel is like they don't fit in, especially if there are already social issues they are dealing with.  Here is what worked for us, and I hope it will be of help to you and your family.....

I consciously made an effort to remove the outside stimuli (TV, internet, playstation, cell phone) once a week, year round, to get my daughter back to basics. It started with a walk around a lake once a week, just time for us to "chill" and enjoy nature.  She really enjoyed this.  Then, we went one step further, and got her involved with a group that meets once a month to do volunteer work at an equestrian center.  They do tack for two hours and ride trails for two hours (year round).  She thinks it's fantastic, muck and all. The one hour walk evolved into a one day a month personal journey, just her and the horses and taking it all in, both good and bad. She is a different girl when we come back home.  This past spring, she quit two groups at her school ( other girls had way too much drama, something I thought I would never hear her say).  She asked me if I would be really upset.  NOPE, too much drama and negativity in the world already, no need perpetuating any more in hopes of fitting in with the drama queens at her school.  I am very proud of her, and she has been a lot more focused and relaxed, both at school and at home.  She never had disciplinary issues at school, but I was really afraid that was where it was going to be heading if I didn't intervene soon, just because of the whole peer pressure/ fitting in thing.  If your son enjoys the great outdoors, you might check with local park district or conservation centers to get him away from all the amped energy that seems to come with adolescence, especially in the YouTube/reality TV age.

Warm regards,

ITM
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 2:22AM #4
Whisperingal
Posts: 25,009
One piece of calming music set on "Repeat" on a CD player and listened to on headphones works well for me.

Why not give that a try?
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 9:26AM #5
appy20
Posts: 10,165
I am way out of line responding to this because I have no kids or expertise but I do have a thought.  Please forgive the basis for this thought--it comes from dogs.  Sometimes, especially smart, athletic dogs like labs and German shepherds become really a pain if they do not get exercise.  You have to wear these critters out. I have always suspected that some hyper kids or anxious kids need wearing out physically. 

THEN add the meditation. I do believe in meditation. I am having menopausal induced anxiety now and meditation does help me a lot.   However, with kids (and, once again, please forgive me) and smart dogs, exercise first.
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 10:20AM #6
spiritalk
Posts: 1,165
We do our white light protection around ourselves - we can also make it for our children.  Keeping them encased in the bubble of protection often changes them over time.  Please consider adding it to the other suggestions.
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 3:11PM #7
divalicious
Posts: 363
I see that some are going all esoteric again. I don't believe that was beerlovers question.

He asked about meditation helping his anxiety driven and ADHD child -headed toward puberty, to have concrete ways to get unstuck and settled. Meditation can and absolutely does work, but this child will need a guided meditation- for certain, and maybe some bodywork therapies in order get centered.

Just my thoughts.

Lets stay concrete and see if we can give beerlover, and his child some
information that can be used.

I also agree with inthemidswest, that changing tactics and removing stimuli, is a great idea, and interactions with animals has been proved with research, to be beneficial as well.

Respectfully, Divalicious
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 5:26PM #8
Whisperingal
Posts: 25,009
"Lets stay concrete and see if we can give beerlover, and his child some
information that can be used."

Many people combine the spiritual and the physical very well--and with a lot of benefits.

The people posting here have a lot of experience in this kind of matter.

Their ideas and suggestions should be given the same weight as those that are focusssing on the purely physical.

No need to throw out the baby with the bathwater just because the baby has interestingly-colored hair.
;)
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 5:30PM #9
Whisperingal
Posts: 25,009
Appy--your point is very good--I know that for myself too.

I am engaged in a very strenuous training/conditioning/weightlifting program and when I can't do all the work I usually do because of injuries or interruptions  I too have problems settling down and relaxing and ultimately going to sleep.

I used to have "insomnia" until I started the rigorous physical training program.

I do not have it anymore.

There are tons of benefits from routine physical activity(in addition to weight control) and getting significantly stronger and healthier)--sleeping well and having a feeling of well-being are among them.

Sending good thoughts for you.
WGal

(every time I see your username I am reminded of a friend of mine who raised and trained Appies. Thanks for the good memories. ;)
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6 years ago  ::  Jun 28, 2008 - 6:41PM #10
BeerLover
Posts: 1,227
[FONT="Comic Sans MS"][COLOR="DarkSlateGray"]Thanks to all who responded to this thread {even those going "esoteric" on me}.  This is an area where conventional medicine and even counseling falls way short.  He needs some tools.  Surrounding him with white light would be great if I was able to do that sort of thing, Spiritalk.  Unfortunately, I am unable at this time.  My interactions with that realm are more abstract than colors or forms.  I believe there are some out there who can project such a field, and bring calm to another, but I am not one of them. 

Let's see, soft music (W-gal).  That's a very good and obvious idea- thanks for pointing it out.  He is drawn to contemporary teen music- not terribly calming.  I'll work with him to find a CD or two from our collection he likes.  Wearing him out is another good idea.  Unfortunately, he has no friends to run around with.  I'll do some things with him on the weekend, good for both of us.

Appy, please don't post and beg for forgiveness.  Kids do need physical exercise, just like dogs.  We will have to be really creative here since he has nobody to run around with.  The worst I'll do is read your post and find it not useful.  You don't need to have kids to give advice, just make your perspective clear.  After all, priests engage in marriage counseling ;)

inthemidwest, I'm an old midwestern farm type myself.  Hope the floods didn't affect you and yours.  We have permenantly taken away video games, severly limited computer games, and TV.  Our house is pretty quiet the way it is.  He has four cats, two dogs, a rat and a rabbit to interact with now.  Unfortunately, interaction often becomes torture or getting the dog to chase the cats (feeding the conflict centers).  I would love to work towards day-long meditations in the woods.  We are doing some of this already, time to push forward some more.  Maybe horses would be a good choice (difficult to choke or trap under a box)..

Finally we have Divalicious:

"[FONT="Arial"][COLOR="Black"]Massage therapy has many modalities that can help ADD-ADHD chilldren. Specifically, CranioSacral Therapy and Polarity. They are both considered energy work. Please, consider them.
Also- Kinesiology, CranioSacral, and Bowen therapy are natural ways to improve health, behavior, and emotions.[/COLOR]"[/FONT]

Massage therapy, eh?  If anybody is getting a massage, it's going to be ME! not the little monster.  He's on me like a wet wool blanket every weekend.  It's exhausting.  The inner work needs to come first, then social skills, and self-esteem will grow naturally out of these successes.  Or he will become another Columbine kid, it's a real possibility.  I honestly hadn't considered massage therapy for the boy.  I'll look into it.  If you can point me in the right direction with a couple of links I would appreciate it.

Enough for one post.  Thank you all again, and to all your lurkers, don't be shy.  As I said before, the worst I'll do is find you post not useful.  If you are on the fence about posting something, please do and let me decide if it is helpful.  You never know, it might be just solution we have all been looking for.

BeerLover
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