Switch to Forum Live View i dont know what to do
|5 years ago :: Jun 14, 2008 - 8:25AM #1|
In October I married my boyfriend of almost 3 yrs,however he was cheating on me for 8mos prior(w his ex wife,also his baby's mom).I married him because I love him w all my heart and I honestly thought I could get over it,here it is what 8mos later and i still hang on to everything his ex told me (in detail)as to what happened,I feel tormented every day thinking of this and every little thing he does makes me think he is cheating or lying or just up to something and i am soooo unhappy,i cant even tell you how much.I pray everyday that god will free me of this.My mind is consumed w/the thoughts of what he did or what he could be doing(he is also a truck driver so that don't help either).He has done more than this to me,during our date yrs he left me several times always for someone else.
I dont know what to do,i dont want to divorce i do love him w all my heart,but at the same time I am filled w/sooo much anger towards him....im not sure if i can ever get over this,i should have allowed myself time to think about it.I really only knew maybe a week before we got married.i just don't know what to do or how to get over this.
|5 years ago :: Jun 15, 2008 - 5:12PM #2|
I can only say, it was me i would not have married him after all he done, and, you got to love yourself more to let him go, because you were not put on earth to hurt over and over by a man who don't no how to treat someone who love him, pray to go, he will give you strengh, or he will turn that man around, you want more than that for your self and your child.
One of the menbers sent me this poem, i pass this to you now.
There is more to me than a human eye can see
I'm a woman of purpose ans destiny
A perfect design, I'm special and unique
i won't be identified by the parts that make
up my physique
My beauty is not defined by my skin or my hair
and my soul has more value than
the clothes that i wear
I'm not a symbol of pleasure or sex appeal
I have the natural ability to comfort
and the power to heal
When God made me he created a gem
because he fashioned me in the likeness of him
I refuse to do anything that will put God to shame
i deserve to be treated with reverence
and called by my name
I can't be purchased or sold at any price
because i've already been bought and paid
for the precious blood of Christ
I praise you because i am fearfull
and wonderfully made
|5 years ago :: Jun 17, 2008 - 11:52AM #3|
Can you seek marital counseling for yourself? And later on, with hubby?
You have issues to sort through, such as finding a way to cope with your feelings concerning hubby’s past actions, and whether you should even remain in this marriage. Takes lots more than love to keep a marriage together. You’ve been wounded and the one who caused the pain may not be aware of the extent of the damage. And, is he one who has changed his cheatin’ ways, or does he plan future extra-marital flings? (You haven’t said whether he has acknowledged his wrongdoing and taken steps to prove he has changed his ways). After all, you were okay with his past cheating, so he may well assume you are fine with anything he does down the line.
You might also benefit from getting hubby to understand how his past actions affected you, both then and now. Perhaps you could let go of some of the anger if he would fully acknowledge the hurt you feel. However, simply telling him your feelings/thoughts might not be the most productive way to accomplish this. This might best be an issue worked on with professional counseling, as such feelings can destroy a marriage; however it takes both spouses working together to get past such things.
|5 years ago :: Jun 27, 2008 - 1:47PM #4|
In front of me
stands a man
I used to know,
I don't know
remains a life
I don't live it
I don't see
anyway to pass
through the man
I see before me,
so I must simply
turn and fly away....
It comes down to this....You are in charge of your own destiny. You are responsible for your own happiness.
You need to stand up for yourself. He needs to know that though you love him, if he wants this marriage to work, you two need to bond and stick together. Quit listening to his ex.
Has it entered your mind that she could just be vendictive towards you and enjoying making you miserable.
Communication is the key here. Good news or bad, you need to know the truth about what you are dealing with and then you will be able to deal with your situation.
|5 years ago :: Sep 23, 2008 - 9:12PM #5|
He and his ex are chaos-junkies that thrive on drama, and they have pulled you into their little soap opera. Turn off the television and take a walk in the fresh air. You may love him with all your heart, but it seems that you have left precious little room in your heart to love yourself. Instead of trying so hard to change him, (which you cannot do anyway, only he can do that) focus on developing yourself, this is something you absolutely have full control over. If he is the right man for you he will support you in your personal growth and maybe even grow some himself.
|5 years ago :: Sep 28, 2008 - 7:46PM #6|
I agree with Irene that marriage counseling is a terrific idea. If he won't agree to do that with you, then PLEASE work with a counselor yourself to help you sort out your feelings, vent some anger and hurt, and then decide what you want to do about your marriage.
We all make such mistakes. I realized my first marriage was not going to be right for me about a month before the wedding, but I was too ashamed and embarrassed to call it off and return all the gifts we'd already gotten. So, try not to be too hard on yourself.
If you can't afford counseling, call your local social services office and ask what counseling services they offer. That's what I did after my last divorce. They help you figure out how much you can afford and will work with you to give you the help you need at a price that you can afford.
Six months of counseling was the smartest choice I ever made. I came out of it much healthier, loving and valuing myself more than I ever before had in my life.
I hope you will find the strength and help you need. Good luck to you!