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7 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2007 - 1:25PM #1
delmarvamom
Posts: 2,001
Do you find that you just want to be alone? I am going through a new stage where I feel like i need a break from people. Not everyone, but most. This is normal for some people but not for me. So I am trying to figure it out. Is this a natural mid life stage I wonder.

I work part time, and have two very active kids that need to be places and have performances/games to be attended. I am married to a person that works alot and is aloof. My kids are preteen to teen. My daughter is mouthy. My best friend in town has some mental health issues. My boss is ADD. My coworkers have troubled lives.  I work with cancer patients and their families. My extended family is far away and there are some jealousy issues going on with me regarding them.

I love the fantasy of going away for awhile to figure this out and to want to be with people again. I envision walks along the beach, massages (this is a fantasy), baths, writing, sleeping, sitting in front of a fire. 

Do other women have this fantasy of getting away where no one needs them? Have any of you done it ? Was it better when you got back? Were you lonely?
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7 years ago  ::  Oct 31, 2007 - 1:37PM #2
AintKatie
Posts: 1,657
Do you find that you just want to be alone? I am going through a new stage where I feel like i need a break from people. Not everyone, but most. This is normal for some people but not for me. So I am trying to figure it out. Is this a natural mid life stage I wonder.


I'm not you, I don't have your life. But I can tell you that my sis-in-law, a full time teacher, single mother with three of five kids still at home, often tells me she wants to run away. Sometimes she has a desperate sound in her voice when she says it..and I wonder if she isn't going to snap one of these days if she doesn't take some time for herself. But she doesn't..claims she can't..probably tells the truth, considering all her responsibilities.

And then there's my online chat buddy who has a very busy career, a marriage, an aging, sick parent..she talks about running away quite often..about wanting to be alone somewhere so she can find herself again. I give her credit for arranging to get a few days off to actually take off and do something different. Just my luck, she's doing it with me. We're meeting half-way between her home and mine and will spend three days and nights in a rustic mountain cabin..in our jammies, eating chocolate, and not caring what anybody else wants or needs.

Considering the way you've described your life, I'd say you are overdue for the runaway. There's nothing wrong or abnormal in anything you've mentioned. There is a clear message that you need a break..so why don'tcha figure out how to take one?

For what it's worth, I was always terrified of being "alone" in my older age..I couldn't imagine anything worse. Now, in my early 60's, I live with one dog, two cats, and glorious freedom and independence. When I want to be around other humans, I can be. And when I want to be alone again, I can come back home. Yay!


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7 years ago  ::  Nov 01, 2007 - 8:10AM #3
delmarvamom
Posts: 2,001
Thanks for your response. I am gonna get away soon. I will be taking a few days soon.

I do think I could live alone. No problem as long I had animals.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 06, 2007 - 9:41PM #4
Find1Answer
Posts: 7,292
I have been caretaking this last 8 years. With the demands of that, work, children and grandchildren I often get overwhelmed and lonely. no time really to do anything for me. 6 weeks ago my mother fell and broke her femur. a serious injury and she was lifeflighted to the city. I have been driving back and forth and working short weeks. So I am having my alone time and I have to wonder if I just like to complain. because NOW  I am really lonely.    :confused: I have not been eating or sleeping right. I have not finished some of the projects that I was convinced I would get done. I think the answer is to it all is some balance. While on duty I neglected myself now off duty not much has changed.

I guess the grass is not greener and we should make time for ourselves along the way.
Bush's "de-Bathification program" eliminated all vestiges of Sunni power in Iraqi society and set the stage for the Sunni insurrection against American occupation and the new Shiite-led government. Bush disbanded the entire Sunni-dominated Iraqi Army and bureaucracy. He didn't change it. He didn't make it more inclusive of Shiites and Kurds. He just disbanded it. It is no accident that two of the top commanders of today's ISIL are former commanders in the Saddam-era Iraqi military.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 06, 2007 - 11:22PM #5
delmarvamom
Posts: 2,001
Since I first wrote I have not been very social. And now I am beginning to get lonely. So, as Find 1 said, it is a balance. The friend I have been avoiding calling I am now wishing would call me.

I actually think the truth is I am a little depressed, nothing major. So I am looking at that more lately.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 07, 2007 - 4:11PM #6
piecesofthewhole
Posts: 1,380
(((Delmarvamom)))

(just a little hug to cheer you up... I hope)


I think you're right, it is a balance... I hope that when you feel the need to be alone you are able to honor that feeling and step away from everyone for some much needed *you* time... and when you want to be with others you are able to do so as well.


I actually have a very hard time being alone.

It's uncomfortable for me.  I'm "working" on this.


I think though that there is a difference between being lonely and being alone.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 07, 2007 - 6:05PM #7
AintKatie
Posts: 1,657
((Delmarva))
I'm dead tired, and probably not very coherent, but I think it could be that your need to get away is maybe more about withdrawing from the takers. Withdrawing from obligations to others who, for various reasons, are unable to give to you. Maybe you feel depressed because your needs aren't being met, and your energy is going toward meeting the needs of others. I dunno. But, when I reread your first post, what I got was that you are there for everybody else..and nobody is there for you. Maybe time alone right now would be scary, but it might give you the time to rest, take care of you, and figure out what exactly it is that you need emotionally and how to find it. Whatever it is, I feel for you. It's not easy being in your shoes.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 08, 2007 - 6:26PM #8
lilithb
Posts: 1
I have spent my life time alone ( except for the years of child rearing) and have always enjoyed it.
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7 years ago  ::  Nov 09, 2007 - 9:07PM #9
delmarvamom
Posts: 2,001

AintKatie wrote:

((Delmarva))
I'm dead tired, and probably not very coherent, but I think it could be that your need to get away is maybe more about withdrawing from the takers. Withdrawing from obligations to others who, for various reasons, are unable to give to you. Maybe you feel depressed because your needs aren't being met, and your energy is going toward meeting the needs of others. I dunno. But, when I reread your first post, what I got was that you are there for everybody else..and nobody is there for you. Maybe time alone right now would be scary, but it might give you the time to rest, take care of you, and figure out what exactly it is that you need emotionally and how to find it. Whatever it is, I feel for you. It's not easy being in your shoes.




I think you nailed it. I really didn't exactly see it that way, but that's it. I  took some time sort of, but it doesn't really change anything. Don't know how to change things.

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7 years ago  ::  Nov 12, 2007 - 9:59AM #10
spiritalk
Posts: 1,165
Being alone is not the same as being lonely.  They are two different options.

When we holiday, we take with us all the heavy 'responsibilities' we feel are ours to deal with in life.  We can never holiday from ourselves.  This, indicates to me that we need to have a holiday (or solution) for the responsibilities.

If they are overwhelming, perhaps they are not yours to shoulder?  Perhaps there is a method to give them back to where they belong?  Remember, if we remove someone else's problems, what are they learning?
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