Maybe there’s some behind the scenes drama going on. Maybe they wanted someone else to be hired, perhaps a mutual friend of theirs - instead of you. And they are disappointed that this friend didn’t get the job. This doesn’t excuse unfriendly treatment on their part. But it might explain the distance you feel.
Or, maybe they are reluctant to establish much of a relationship with you as they think you won’t be there long.
But from what you describe, I’m not clear that they are truly dissing you. Are they making unkind comments about you? Are they really being impolite or are they just not terribly socially aware individuals?
And are you sure about this not making eye contact business? You mention depression. This can skew your perception of perfectly innocent situations. If they’ve worked there for a long time it could be that they aren’t used to working with new people, and just don’t know how to go about making you feel welcome or included. Perhaps this is just as awkward for them as for you. They are having trouble finding things to say to you that they think you might relate to. It happens and it doesn’t mean you are an unsavory individual in any way.
If there is difficulty in establishing rapport, how about helping them out a little? Make it a point to start some conversations of your own. Ask how their weekend went, or inquire advice from them – what movie to see, or where to lunch or how to handle a work task other topic that you know they will have knowledge about.
I have had that happen to me. It seems to have gotten worse since somebody I didn't want in office got there. In the 2000 election, I was forced to vote for Al Gore and subsequently John Kerry because of the bad feeling I had about G.W.B. The bad thing is my feeling about the guy was correct and things got worse and worse for people and less merciful for people at jobs and other places.
Anyhow, also since then, I have had really bad things happen to me at work. I was a good employee and a hard worker and lost one job because the people there kept forcing me to do a job I hated, even though I was really good at the other task and wanted to go back to it. I'm not sure if I was insane or not--but I kept sensing someone working against me that was pretending to be my "real parents"--it's a long story. I also saw visions of these people being abusive toward a girl that looked like me--so I would be complaining at the people in the vision quietly and also envisioning harm back to them and the people who made me unhappy at work--I'm not sure if that's what caused me to lose my job because the more I tried to fight so they would give me the job I liked back, the more evil they became toward me and eventually made false accusations against me and got me fired.
At the other job I worked for at the time, they also pretty much screwed me over. They promoted some very useless and silly people over me and removed my supervisor position without asking--claiming that it was because I didn't run anything--but they hadn't tried to schedule me for it either--plus they have other people who still have their positions who don't run anything. What made me even more angry is the promoted somebody really ditzy over me--believe me she didn't act very bright. Those over me at the job are very overly bossy and seem to be control freak type people. I am lucky they haven't been as negative to me as they were, but they still act like I'm stupider than them and I'm not.
I really don't know what's wrong with me--other than I think I work hard and deserve something for it and they don't and just got jobs because they knew the right people. They most certainly aren't trained properly in the aspect of handling employees since they are so negative toward them--and they wonder why they lose people at a time when unemployment is high. I don't because I know the reason.
Basically, I believe that part of the bad stuff at work is the undisciplined freedom bosses have earned to be nasty to employees when they don't particularly like since you know who got in charge and he is pro-business, not pro-employee.
I am a Christian, although disappointed by the people of the faith lately, but I think freely in some aspects as I know what you're talking about. It seems that fellow employees sometimes seem to pick up on what you really think of them--but I have really good reason to think what I do since most were unfairly promoted, and maybe you do too and I know it's really hard to get rid of a negative image of a place and pretend to be happy as it's not being true to your own feelings. I just really want to move on to a more positive atmosphere and can't do to the economy and am doubly depressed by my situation. Perhaps you should find a better work atmosphere where you feel better about fellow employees.
People go by where a person ranks in the scheme of things, what is there job title, and that is how they treat a person. The low one is on the totem pole the worse one gets treated. The higher up one is the better they get treated. Oh, not to say the person deserves to be treated better. But that is how somepeople view things.
And its totally wrong. I deal with that every day, And some of who I work with only speak to me when they want something. After that they do not want to know I am alive. And they let me know it to.
They can talk about me behind my back all right they are good at it. And I do find out.
Some people also love to put someone down in order to build themselves up too.
When I first started out in my job Oh, did they treat me like crap. And they let me know where I ranked in the scheme of things to Especially in there eyes. And some still try to.
But they are really no better than I am no matter what job they have. And I have learned to totally have nothing to do with them.
I try to make my friends outside my place of employment..
Its best. They are just people I work with and that is it.
One is not responsible for another persons behavior. Just there own. I find the verse in the bible.
which says.
Love your enemies, bless those who curse at you, do good by those who hate you, and pray for those who persecute you and miss use you.
I have to always keep that verse in my mind. I deal with some really pieces of work where I work.
And keep those people in my prayers to.
You are experiencing the same thing I did 9 years ago. These people are emeshed, co-dependent and it's necessary for their comfort that YOU also accept their way of doing things at work, you are new and must be broken in. Listen to your heart, smiles and being personable, friendly aren't what will give entre to their world, it's acceptance and like-minded behavior. At my work one of the women tells everyone most everything about herself, I am a quiet person, one who very rarely speaks about myself, so theyhave made me the outsider. Some people refuse to acknowledge me unless I run to them will tales of my life...not happenening. Maintain your integrity , your values and be aware of what is going on. Those emeshed individuals are open-books and you will be able soon to determine what you need to do. They may be testing you in numerous ways to see if you can be one of them. Make damned sure you want to associate with the group before submitting to their subtle intimidation. Observe the people you work with, not in a paranoid manner, but to find out who they are, what they do and if it conflicts with your character. We have a tendency to become like the people we associate with...then make your choices about what you will do. You will live with months of uncertainty, disrespect etc., but in the end you will be able to make a wise choice about who, what, where and why you have become a part of this group.
Work groups are no different from any other group, they are people and they bring their issues with them. Pay attention to yours also, but don't ever take the blame for someone elses's behavior. They are in control of themselves and you are in control of you and if anyone claims otherwise, then they are DELUDED and dangerous.
It's hard to hide subconscious thoughts. It's about body language and things like that. Like I said... Do your job and don't worry about being friends with people you work with. All too often workplace friendships go sour because of things at work.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
That could be a strong possibility...although, I try hard to conceal how I feel about them. And, believe it or not, I do see good in them and make genuine "good" comments behind their backs about them. thx
I think they're picking up on your disapproval. You have said nothing good about any of the people you work with and they can pick up on those vibes. Do your job, and don't worry about being friends with others.
James Thurber - "It is better to know some of the questions than all of the answers."
I am at my wit's end here. I've had so many jobs that I haven't fit into in my life. Right now, I'm having some trouble (I think) with co-workers who don't include me in conversation. First of all I'm pretty new at the job and don't want to loaf around, so I'll talk/socialize a little, but then it's back to work. I'm always friendly, positive, and include all parties in conversation. I look people in the eye when I speak with them. I'm not getting the same in return. I work w/ one woman who socializes far too much for me (I have trouble focusing on my work), another who talks to that woman constantly about nonsense things frequently, and another who complains relentlessly. I'm never included in the conversations. These people don't make eye contact with me. Is there something wrong here? I am throwing out bad vibes? I always try to smile and stay alert even though I have struggled with depression for most of my life.
In a nutshell, I'm feeling people don't respect me or something. I'm doing a good job at my work, though, and all is good there. I'm really tired of this. I am a spiritual person and feel I don't deserve to be ostracized. I don't flaunt any values or anything. I'm just plain good and fair. I want to show people I'm doing a good job. In the past, I've let go and didn't adhere to my work because I felt I had to socialize (this was another job) and I lost that job. I don't understand how this girl can keep a job when all she does is talk and eat. When does she get her work done? She's younger than me (I'm 37, she's 28 w / child) - I have no children/single. Why does she ostracize me? I'm a lonely, different, unique kind of person-not harming anyone.
I can only speculate she may resent me being in her old position, but she's moved up to a better position. Why envy that?
I'm so deeply disturbed, wrought with negative energy, and depressed I can't even write anymore.
