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7 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 5:44PM #11
gillyflower
Posts: 5,325
If it gets to the point that she will have to you choose between you and her family, everyone is going to lose. I'd advise not discussing religion with her family and instead letting them get to know that you are the kind of person who will be there for her in good times and bad and will treat her well, help members of the family whenever needed (offer, don't wait to be asked by the way), have employment plans for yourself for the future and handle your finances well. That's really what parents and family want to see in a future addition to their family.
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. Marcus Aurelius
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7 years ago  ::  Jun 27, 2008 - 5:47PM #12
mainecaptain
Posts: 21,792

gillyflower wrote:

If it gets to the point that she will have to you choose between you and her family, everyone is going to lose. I'd advise not discussing religion with her family and instead letting them get to know that you are the kind of person who will be there for her in good times and bad and will treat her well, help members of the family whenever needed (offer, don't wait to be asked by the way), have employment plans for yourself for the future and handle your finances well. That's really what parents and family want to see in a future addition to their family.

Gilly that is really good advice:)

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side. Aristotle
Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. Plato..
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives" Jackie Robinson
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 08, 2008 - 12:12AM #13
Chai008
Posts: 1,056
Though situation, as I Christian I would say is she sure that she can handle the differences between you and her. If she is willing to except the fact that you are an atheist  then there shouldn't be a problem. I think that this may be more of a problem for her than for you later on down the line. Speaking from experience my husband doesn't go to church and hasn't claimed to be an atheist (although I wonder) it may be difficult for her later on. I very much would like for my husband to go to church with me, when I was baptized I was hurt that he wasn't there. I don't know how old she is but if she is comfortable with you then there shouldn't be a problem with an adult making her own choices about who she wants to marry. Eventually she may have to step up to her aunt. I had to make very clear rules with my mother who hates my husband the I wouldn't tolerate her trying to sabotage our relationship, I wouldn't tolerate her even speaking negatively to or about my husband to me. I even had to threaten to quit speaking to her. Something I didn't want to do and maybe harsh but my as an adult I have every right not to have to listen to her constantly nag and critize and speak down to and about him. And it worked after telling her it was unacceptable and have to simply hang up a few times she doesn't do it anymore. This may be a necessary step in your case. There are a few other things to consider such as do you have the same ideas on how to raise kids (think sex before marriage) and other things that Christians are particularly concerned with that you may not be. Either way her aunt should not be a part of her decision to marry you, it's something that is between you and her no one else.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2008 - 6:27PM #14
gillyflower
Posts: 5,325
You speak for your god now?
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. Marcus Aurelius
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2008 - 6:47PM #15
gillyflower
Posts: 5,325
I'm sure that you aren't making fun of a young man because he is open about his love for his girl friend and you aren't really ignoring that he says he isn't a Christian, correct?
Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. Marcus Aurelius
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 15, 2008 - 9:55PM #16
John_T_Mainer
Posts: 1,658
I am Asatru.  About as strong in my faith as you could ask.  My wife is agnostic.  I married her because she not only was the woman I love, but shone with all of the Nine Noble  Virtues she could not name, but lived anyway.

There are fellow beleivers I would cheerfully feed in tiny pieces to my daughters tropical fish, and Athiests or beleivers of other paths I would trust with my life and honour.  Judge by their deeds, and stand on your own.

It is not important what you beleive, or profess to beleive.  What matters in a relationship is the truth of what you are, and how you live.

Never ask you girlfriend to choose between you and her family.  If you remain steadfastly loyal, and the day comes her family asks, they may not like the answer.  Sometimes walking away from your family is the only way to force them to accept equitable terms in dealing with you, if they desire further contact.  If they only wish contact when they have the power to denigrate and control you or her, then you are better off without them.

Funny thing about family, cut yourself off from your past family to be with one you love, and you really can grow your own.  One is the past, one is the future.  If one gets sacrificed, it will be the past.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 10, 2008 - 6:16PM #17
friendofsaints&angels
Posts: 1,327
I think that its kind of scary that you know the exact month and days that youv'e been dating. I also think that whats more scary, is that your thinking about getting married 14 months and 17 days into a relationship. do you also keep tabs on her 24/7 and hire a private eye too follow her around??? LOL!!!! put everything in God's hands and He will show you how to be not so clingy.
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