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5 years ago  ::  Dec 09, 2008 - 5:48PM #1
emrose
Posts: 2
My husband was raised seventh-day adventist and wants to raise our *future* children SDA but he doesn't even actively practice. He mostly does all the sabbath keeping and stuff when he gets around his SDA family members. I want to raise our children nondenominational christian. I don't know how in the world we could compromise on this because I DO NOT want to raise my children SDA. I have alot of issues with several of the SDA doctrines. Is there anyone out there in interdenominational relationships with advice?
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5 years ago  ::  Dec 09, 2008 - 8:26PM #2
Sacrificialgoddess
Posts: 9,496

emrose wrote:

My husband was raised seventh-day adventist and wants to raise our *future* children SDA but he doesn't even actively practice. He mostly does all the sabbath keeping and stuff when he gets around his SDA family members. I want to raise our children nondenominational christian. I don't know how in the world we could compromise on this because I DO NOT want to raise my children SDA. I have alot of issues with several of the SDA doctrines. Is there anyone out there in interdenominational relationships with advice?




I married a guy who has different gods than me. 

Count your blessings.


You said he doesn't actively practice.  You said he only practices when he is around his family.  Is there any reason you couldn't teach the non-existent children what "grandma and grandpa" believe, and teach them that you follow those practices around them out of respect for them, not because you really believe the same as them?

Dark Energy. It can be found in the observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don't have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.

-- Tori Amos
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5 years ago  ::  Dec 09, 2008 - 9:23PM #3
emrose
Posts: 2
Thanks for the response! Well the problem is while my husband doesn't actively practice, he does believe in it so he is adament that his children be raised in the SDA church. I am wondering if maybe we could go every other weekend, teach the possible future children both faiths, and let them decide? I dont know...
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5 years ago  ::  Dec 09, 2008 - 9:29PM #4
Sacrificialgoddess
Posts: 9,496

emrose wrote:

Thanks for the response! Well the problem is while my husband doesn't actively practice, he does believe in it so he is adament that his children be raised in the SDA church. I am wondering if maybe we could go every other weekend, teach the possible future children both faiths, and let them decide? I dont know...





He doesn't practice, but he does believe it?  :confused:     I really don't get it. 


However, your solution does seem to be the best way to compromise.  And I am one of those who is adamant about children being able to choose for themselves.  Otherwise, you are likely to lose them.    Suggest it to him.  If necessary, point out that marriage is built on compromise.  ;) 

















Still weirding out on the whole believes but doesn't practice thing.  :cool:

Dark Energy. It can be found in the observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don't have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.

-- Tori Amos
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5 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 10:17AM #5
Redfrog777
Posts: 2,136
“Still weirding out on the whole believes but doesn't practice thing.”

Yeah that is kinda funky, to me too.

emrose:

I am sorry that it seems to be a one-way street with your husband on this. To me this is simply not honoring you as an equal in the relationship. Looks a lot control to me.

When it comes to issues like this in marriage I always go to boundaries and tolerances. Meaning first and foremost what are “YOUR” boundaries on the issue. And how much compromise of those boundaries are you willing to tolerate?

From there you can actively work at a mutual compromise on the issue.

Of course if he ain’t willing to budge. You can be grateful that you don’t already have children with him and move on.

BTW, they aren’t his children. The children belong to the universe, we only barrow them for a short while. And they are as much a part of you.
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5 years ago  ::  Dec 10, 2008 - 12:40PM #6
Thaklaar1
Posts: 493
All very well said, Frog.  I was havin' trouble formulating my thoughts on this and you went and did it for me.
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5 years ago  ::  Dec 11, 2008 - 2:38PM #7
ItsAllALie
Posts: 4,421
Does your husband insist they be raised ONLY SDA? If so, you could have issues,,,if not you may be able to do the every other week thing, presenting both faiths to the child and then allowing the child to choose as an adult,,,OTOH, that can be extremely confusing for a child if the differences are great,,,,,did you discuss this before you got married? Usually ministers/rabbi's/priests, etc will almost FORCE you to talk about it before you get married,,,,,did you have pre-marital counselling with a clergy member? What did he say then? Are his actions now radically different than his promised actions at that time? Is this a new development? He may be feeling a "return to faith" at the thought of a child that wanes rapidly in the day to day drudgery of raising a child,,,,it's been known to happen,,,,,,

Holly
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