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Switch to Forum Live View Need Help, trying to decide about Church and God.
6 years ago  ::  Sep 01, 2008 - 11:43AM #1
dogluvr
Posts: 1
I grew up without God in my life. My Parents never took us to Church. On Sundays, my Dad would pack the Family up in the car, and we would always go some place special. We spent family time together, and my parents were married for 50yrs, till my dad passed away. He had 2 heart attacks on their 50 Anniversary. When my Dad was sick, I didn't know what to do. I prayed for my Dad to be at peace. He was a strong proud man that never woudv'e wanted his life to be lived hooked up to machines. Every day I prayed, it seemed someone heard them. Every day, my Dad was more at peace. I prayed for my Father to be able to come home his last few days, he did. That was what he wanted. He didn't want to die in a Hospital. He wanted to he home, his home he worked for all his life surrounded by his family. He passed away 3 days later. I had prayed for my Dad to be at peace, I believe God heard me, and was with me. I would be so upset and just go be by myself and talk to God. I always felt better. I was at peace when my Father passed. I knew he was no longer suffering. My Husband's Grandfather just passed. I prayed for him to finally be at peace. It seemed God was listening again. I talk to God when I'm upset, lonely, confused, or just need strength to deal with things in my life. I don't know if he is listening because I've never been to Church, but he sure seems to be. I feel better, like re-fueled when I do. My Husband wants nothing to do with going to Church. He went when he was younger, but since his Mom passed from an 8yr battle with cancer, he wants nothing to do with it. I don't want to push it. I've tried bring it up that it would be good for us to meet people our own age, and give his Daughter, my Step-Daughter a chance to meet kids here. (She lives with her Mom.) I thought I could go to church during the week, and not bother him with it. I've always felt like somethings been missing in my life. I wonder if God was it? Maybe things wouldv'e gone differently, maybe I would have made better decisions. Any help or input on the matter would help. Encouragement or just that someone understands would be appreciated.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 01, 2008 - 5:01PM #2
Sacrificialgoddess
Posts: 9,496

dogluvr wrote:

I grew up without God in my life. My Parents never took us to Church. On Sundays, my Dad would pack the Family up in the car, and we would always go some place special. We spent family time together, and my parents were married for 50yrs, till my dad passed away. He had 2 heart attacks on their 50 Anniversary. When my Dad was sick, I didn't know what to do. I prayed for my Dad to be at peace. He was a strong proud man that never woudv'e wanted his life to be lived hooked up to machines. Every day I prayed, it seemed someone heard them. Every day, my Dad was more at peace. I prayed for my Father to be able to come home his last few days, he did. That was what he wanted. He didn't want to die in a Hospital. He wanted to he home, his home he worked for all his life surrounded by his family. He passed away 3 days later. I had prayed for my Dad to be at peace, I believe God heard me, and was with me. I would be so upset and just go be by myself and talk to God. I always felt better. I was at peace when my Father passed. I knew he was no longer suffering. My Husband's Grandfather just passed. I prayed for him to finally be at peace. It seemed God was listening again. I talk to God when I'm upset, lonely, confused, or just need strength to deal with things in my life. I don't know if he is listening because I've never been to Church, but he sure seems to be. I feel better, like re-fueled when I do. My Husband wants nothing to do with going to Church. He went when he was younger, but since his Mom passed from an 8yr battle with cancer, he wants nothing to do with it. I don't want to push it. I've tried bring it up that it would be good for us to meet people our own age, and give his Daughter, my Step-Daughter a chance to meet kids here. (She lives with her Mom.) I thought I could go to church during the week, and not bother him with it. I've always felt like somethings been missing in my life. I wonder if God was it? Maybe things wouldv'e gone differently, maybe I would have made better decisions. Any help or input on the matter would help. Encouragement or just that someone understands would be appreciated.




Honestly, I am not sure what your difficulty is.  You say you have been talking to your god and you think he is listening.  Have you been listening in return?  The gods invariably will tell you what they want you to know and what they want you to do.  You just have to listen.

Dark Energy. It can be found in the observable Universe. Found in ratios of 75% more than any other substance. Dark Energy. It can be found in religious extremists, in cheerleaders. To come to the conclusion that Dark signifies mean and malevolent would define 75% of the Universe as an evil force. Alternatively, to think that some cheerleaders don't have razors in their snatch is to be foolishly unarmed.

-- Tori Amos
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 01, 2008 - 5:35PM #3
Astroturf
Posts: 671
dogluvr, it sounds to me that you do believe that god is listening to you.  And that's great. :)

My viewpoint is that one doesn't need a church to interact with god.  That's just my opinion and has no bearing on what you require, though. If you want to go to a church to interact with others, that's absolutely okay, too.  Maybe you could just visit a few of them in your area and decide which one is best for you, if you require fellowship with people.  It's fine to want to interact with people you enjoy and can discuss your faith with and commune with.  You can even enjoy exploring different churches until you find one you want.  My advice is to not desperately search for one, but to enjoy the process of finding one.

If your husband doesn't want to go to church, he can stay home, can't he?  ;)  If he and the child's mother don't want their daughter to go to church, there's nothing you can do about that.  I'm not sure if that's the case with you or why you mentioned her, so maybe I have not answered your question. 

Let me ask also--if you interact with god regularly, why do you feel like he's missing from your life?  :)  It sounds to me like he's not.  As for your childhood's lack of spirituality--that can't be changed.  You can only go forward from here.  Find a church you like if that is important to you.  If not, remember that you can reach god whether you are in a church or not--in my opinion. 

I hope that helped some.  Welcome to the Multifaith Boards.  :)
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 1:22AM #4
TigersEyeDowsing
Posts: 6,833
What Astro said!

I think churches are great for spiritual growth and like-minded community involvement and support. 

There are some churches who believe God is omnipresent and everywhere.

And there are some churches who believe they contain God in a box, inside their church, and if you are not present inside their church on Sunday morning then you do not get God.

The latter is by far the most, unfortunately, prominant.  You know the kind..... "Didn't see you in church last week, is everything okay? You're not backsliding are you..?" gracious.  What about churches who would condemn you because you visit but not your husband?  Some would, some won't

The only thing I would suggest is that, should you decide to visit a church, don't just go to the first random church down the street "because it's close" or "because my friend goes there."  That's such a big mistake.  There are tens of thousands of Christian denominations out there, and they all believe and behave differently.  The original post sounded as though it came from a Christian-based beliefset which is why I assume the person would attend a Christian-based church.

Do your homework first.  Analyze what you believe. Anyalyze what you don't believe. Figure out what you're unsure of. Figure out what you want from a church, and what you plan to give back. I wrote a whole yee-haw article on that at http://www.associatedcontent.com/articl … tml?cat=34 so feel free to look at it.  I found my faith home in Unity Church of Christianity (www.unityonline.org)  Visit the minister of a church you're interested in and ask him or her about it. Bring your paper with your questions and interview the minister. Tip: If he or she tries way too hard to convince you to attend their church, run for the hills!!  A church worthy of attending doesn't require convincing; they'll know if they're worth the time and for you, you'll come without having to be "told". ;) 

Good luck!
Churchianity, by substituting creed for Christ and dogma instead of the divine facts of being, has stripped Love of her royal robes and has left her standing an unheeded beggar in the universe of God. - Rev. W. John Murray
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 1:29AM #5
DesertKat
Posts: 436
Of course you don't need a church or a faith community to experience a relationship with God.  You do it on a daily basis whether you acknowledge it or not.  However, its sort of the difference between going to the ocean to experience it and having a map of the ocean.  You can know what there is to know about the ocean, its temperature, how it tastes, how the water plays around your toes- all of which a map will never provide.  But a map will tell you the ways across it.  So having a faith community is somewhat like being given a map, though it is up to you to choose the route you take the map can show you the options.

Good luck with your search.
Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.
Winston Churchill
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 3:07AM #6
hailtothesquirrel
Posts: 287
I agree with some of the above comments. It sounds like you are resolved that there is a god and god hears you. I think you will be very happy with following your path toward whatever religious beliefs you choose. I personally have no religion, so don't think I'm just saying this because I'm religious and think you should be too. Religion is a personal choice and it sounds like you know how you feel about it.
NOW. The real issue at hand as I see it is that you're wondering if the fact that you did not go to church or outwardly express your belief in god had any affect on your life to this point. It did not. All that is past is past and cannot be undone. And there is no reason to think it should. You see if you believe in god and prayed to god and felt you received answers, then it stands to reason that you would believe in the tenent that all that happens is as god wants it to happen. There are many proverbs alluding to this. SO, be confident in your beliefs and feelings. Know that the past is just that. We learn from it and move on. Assessing our past and attempting to see the future does nothing but keep us from the present. Which, of course is all we have. Your past can neither be better nor worse. It just is. Your perception is what places a value on that past. Remember the good and know that you had a wonderful life. Remember the bad and you do nothing more than punish yourself over and again.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 1:22AM #7
TigersEyeDowsing
Posts: 6,833
What Astro said!

I think churches are great for spiritual growth and like-minded community involvement and support. 

There are some churches who believe God is omnipresent and everywhere.

And there are some churches who believe they contain God in a box, inside their church, and if you are not present inside their church on Sunday morning then you do not get God.

The latter is by far the most, unfortunately, prominant.  You know the kind..... "Didn't see you in church last week, is everything okay? You're not backsliding are you..?" gracious.  What about churches who would condemn you because you visit but not your husband?  Some would, some won't

The only thing I would suggest is that, should you decide to visit a church, don't just go to the first random church down the street "because it's close" or "because my friend goes there."  That's such a big mistake.  There are tens of thousands of Christian denominations out there, and they all believe and behave differently.  The original post sounded as though it came from a Christian-based beliefset which is why I assume the person would attend a Christian-based church.

Do your homework first.  Analyze what you believe. Anyalyze what you don't believe. Figure out what you're unsure of. Figure out what you want from a church, and what you plan to give back. I wrote a whole yee-haw article on that at http://www.associatedcontent.com/articl … tml?cat=34 so feel free to look at it.  I found my faith home in Unity Church of Christianity (www.unityonline.org)  Visit the minister of a church you're interested in and ask him or her about it. Bring your paper with your questions and interview the minister. Tip: If he or she tries way too hard to convince you to attend their church, run for the hills!!  A church worthy of attending doesn't require convincing; they'll know if they're worth the time and for you, you'll come without having to be "told". ;) 

Good luck!
Churchianity, by substituting creed for Christ and dogma instead of the divine facts of being, has stripped Love of her royal robes and has left her standing an unheeded beggar in the universe of God. - Rev. W. John Murray
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 1:29AM #8
DesertKat
Posts: 436
Of course you don't need a church or a faith community to experience a relationship with God.  You do it on a daily basis whether you acknowledge it or not.  However, its sort of the difference between going to the ocean to experience it and having a map of the ocean.  You can know what there is to know about the ocean, its temperature, how it tastes, how the water plays around your toes- all of which a map will never provide.  But a map will tell you the ways across it.  So having a faith community is somewhat like being given a map, though it is up to you to choose the route you take the map can show you the options.

Good luck with your search.
Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary. It fulfils the same function as pain in the human body. It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.
Winston Churchill
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 3:07AM #9
hailtothesquirrel
Posts: 287
I agree with some of the above comments. It sounds like you are resolved that there is a god and god hears you. I think you will be very happy with following your path toward whatever religious beliefs you choose. I personally have no religion, so don't think I'm just saying this because I'm religious and think you should be too. Religion is a personal choice and it sounds like you know how you feel about it.
NOW. The real issue at hand as I see it is that you're wondering if the fact that you did not go to church or outwardly express your belief in god had any affect on your life to this point. It did not. All that is past is past and cannot be undone. And there is no reason to think it should. You see if you believe in god and prayed to god and felt you received answers, then it stands to reason that you would believe in the tenent that all that happens is as god wants it to happen. There are many proverbs alluding to this. SO, be confident in your beliefs and feelings. Know that the past is just that. We learn from it and move on. Assessing our past and attempting to see the future does nothing but keep us from the present. Which, of course is all we have. Your past can neither be better nor worse. It just is. Your perception is what places a value on that past. Remember the good and know that you had a wonderful life. Remember the bad and you do nothing more than punish yourself over and again.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 03, 2008 - 9:37AM #10
LeahOne
Posts: 16,119
Right here on Beliefnet :  ))  That may give you a better idea of where to start looking... 

As to the past, you may see where your decisions could have been different - but it's generally not worth dwelling on and grieving yourself.  Every day we are a little different person than the day before, or the next day......
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