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Switch to Forum Live View Moral Dilemma - sex offender - Potential trigger
10 years ago  ::  May 16, 2008 - 1:01PM #1
RiverMoonlady
Posts: 773
I belong to a private club for veterans and their families.  Several of us have just found out that one of our members is a registered sex offender and is now awaiting trial for failure to report change of residence and for six charges involving sex offenses with a minor under the age of 13.

Before I knew this, I was always nice to him and talked to him a lot.  Now, I am torn between asking him for HIS version of the event, ignoring him comletely or trying to get his membership revoked.

What would you do in this situation?  He gives me the creeps now that I know his secrets.  We do not allow children in the club, but many of us have young children.  I am really confused.

Thanks in advance for your advice.
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10 years ago  ::  May 16, 2008 - 1:58PM #2
darcamani
Posts: 2,152
[QUOTE=RiverMoonlady;503685]I belong to a private club for veterans and their families.  Several of us have just found out that one of our members is a registered sex offender and is now awaiting trial for failure to report change of residence and for six charges involving sex offenses with a minor under the age of 13.

Before I knew this, I was always nice to him and talked to him a lot.  Now, I am torn between asking him for HIS version of the event, ignoring him comletely or trying to get his membership revoked.

What would you do in this situation?  He gives me the creeps now that I know his secrets.  We do not allow children in the club, but many of us have young children.  I am really confused.

Thanks in advance for your advice.[/QUOTE]

I was a therapist for many years and I had clients that remain sex offenders, one I knew moved into my neighborhood.

Being his therapist I held confidentiality and still hold confidentiality at a premium.  So I simply alerted the neighborhood that one never knows their neighbors and to teach children what is safe and what is not safe, if the man has no access to children he is no threat.

Be aware of where your children are, teach safety and use safe codes so that children know if a person is safe or not  and understand a chlids biggest threat is often from within a trusted family group.

A sex offender awaiting trial already knows screwing up will land him in prison and is less likely to offend until AFTER  the trial.

Family sex offenders usually rely on the don't ask , don't tell rule and hide  very well behind that silence.

So the known sex offender is actually the least of your problems, it is the ones you do not know about that are sitting right next to you that are the real problem.

Treat him like the human he is, encourage healthy outlets if you can and keep him away from children, if he goes near, warn him fast and call 911.

More than likely he is already on parole and this violation will make quick work of him.

Hope this helps.

Dar
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10 years ago  ::  May 16, 2008 - 3:08PM #3
IreneAdler
Posts: 2,849
"is now awaiting trial for failure to report change of residence and for six charges involving sex offenses with a minor under the age of 13."


Um, innocent until proven guilty for this part. However, for prior registry, I would do as Dar wrote. General announcement - keeping confidentiality.

Irene.
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10 years ago  ::  May 20, 2008 - 10:54PM #4
mountain_man
Posts: 44,029

Tmarie64 wrote:

Hate to break it to ya, baby... BUT.... Child molesters have the HIGHEST recidivism rate of any sex offenders....


Do you have a source for that claim?

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.   Isaac Asimov
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10 years ago  ::  May 16, 2008 - 6:02PM #5
Shihulud
Posts: 1,360
[QUOTE=RiverMoonlady;503685]I belong to a private club for veterans and their families.  Several of us have just found out that one of our members is a registered sex offender and is now awaiting trial for failure to report change of residence and for six charges involving sex offenses with a minor under the age of 13.

Before I knew this, I was always nice to him and talked to him a lot.  Now, I am torn between asking him for HIS version of the event, ignoring him comletely or trying to get his membership revoked.

What would you do in this situation?  He gives me the creeps now that I know his secrets.  We do not allow children in the club, but many of us have young children.  I am really confused.

Thanks in advance for your advice.[/QUOTE]

Wait, I'm confused. First you wrote that it is a private club for veterans and their families, then, at the end of your post, you wrote that you do not allow children in the club? I just don't understand. Families often consist of children and parents.
Anyway, I wouldn't belong to a club that allowed child molesters. I would quit.
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10 years ago  ::  May 16, 2008 - 8:42PM #6
Marcyy
Posts: 723
Dar, how fortunate to have someone who is actually knowledgeable on this issue. Excellent message.

I have a question for you, this subject is not my field of expertise and I am wondering, do sex offender ever respond to therapy, is there ever a time when they do not want to be an offender and can control the feelings?
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10 years ago  ::  May 17, 2008 - 9:28PM #7
John_T_Mainer
Posts: 1,658
registered sex offender and is now awaiting trial for failure to report change of residence and for six charges involving sex offenses with a minor under the age of 13

So tried, convicted, sentenced, served and theoretically rehabillitated, and yet violating his terms of parole and charged with six offences with minors unrelated to his existing conviction.

A man who is a proven danger to the community, who has been released into it so long as he abides by the rules that keep him and the community safe.  Said individual has violated these rules, and decided to be a danger to the community again.

You have a viper in your midst.  You know it is a viper, and you watch it.  The viper moves among those you care about, who do not know he is a viper.  They do not watch as they would in the presence of a stealth predator.  They are unsuspecting, the trusting folk who will invite the viper in to the kind of situations his predilections yearn to exploit.

His next victim is your choice.

Will it be one of your friends? 

He will not control himself, according to the best information you possess.  He requires trust and secrecy to be a threat.  You can take that away.

You have the ability to defang this viper, or sit back and hope that he doesn't strike while you are not watching.

There are children out there who depend on your choice.

Registered sex offenders do not have the right to privacy for the very real reason that they represent a danger to the most vulnerable in our community. 

You are not a medical professional with an oath of confidentiality to uphold, you are a citizen with the duty to protect your fellows from a clear and present danger that exists only because of its secrecy.

Act.  Now.
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10 years ago  ::  May 17, 2008 - 10:37PM #8
mountain_man
Posts: 44,029

John_T_Mainer wrote:

registered sex offender and is now awaiting trial for failure to report change of residence and for six charges involving sex offenses with a minor under the age of 13

So tried, convicted, sentenced, served and theoretically rehabillitated, and yet violating his terms of parole and charged with six offences with minors unrelated to his existing conviction.

A man who is a proven danger to the community, who has been released into it so long as he abides by the rules that keep him and the community safe.  Said individual has violated these rules, and decided to be a danger to the community again.


And you have proof that he violated these rules? You'd better get that info to the judge.

Registered sex offenders do not have the right to privacy for the very real reason that they represent a danger to the most vulnerable in our community. 


Can you give me the code or title under which SO's lose their right to privacy?

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.   Isaac Asimov
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10 years ago  ::  May 17, 2008 - 10:40PM #9
mountain_man
Posts: 44,029

RiverMoonlady wrote:

.... What would you do in this situation?  He gives me the creeps now that I know his secrets.  We do not allow children in the club, but many of us have young children.  I am really confused.


It sounds to me like this guy is trying to find an appropriate place for companionship. He's with adults in adult situations. He is a fellow human being, why not treat him like one?

Dave - Just a Man in the Mountains.

There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there always has been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that "my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.   Isaac Asimov
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10 years ago  ::  May 18, 2008 - 12:00AM #10
Shihulud
Posts: 1,360
[QUOTE=mountain_man;506963]And you have proof that he violated these rules? You'd better get that info to the judge.



They said in the first post that he failed to report his address to the police department. That's violating terms of parole.


Can you give me the code or title under which SO's lose their right to privacy?[/QUOTE]

It's called: Megan's Law. Read about it: http://www.meganslaw.org/

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