I was molested by our next door neighbor on Father's Day when I was 11. I got away--I was pretty naive, but when someone the same age as one of your Grandpas sticks his tongue in your mouth and his hand in your bra you know it shouldn't be happening. Mother called the cops; Daddy went over with a gun, banging on his door and shouting for him to come out. the cops did ask my father if the gun was registered--it was-- and then just warned him he couldn't shoot it off in the city limits. If Farrell had come out my father would have killed him without a doubt.
This was certainly pre "sensitivity" training for cops--when we went down to file charges, the male police officer didn't believe me at all. He kept getting redder and redder in the face while accusing me of trying to destroy a good man's life. He told me that I was going to go to Hell for lying. I should tell the truth--had he yelled at me for something? Gotten me in trouble? How could I do this to that man? Well, actually he had it backward, but it was terrifying and i literally ended up with spittle on my face from the cop. He's been in my nightmares for over 40 years.
You know how you see all the adult celebrities whine when they can't have their lawyer come and hold their hand when they appear before a Grand Jury? I was eleven and I had to go in alone and talk about it and answer questions in front of a bunch of strangers like how many buttons he'd pulled open. At least they believed me.
It isn't fun being served subpoenas. All together I was served 4 times. When I went back to school, early on we had a substitute for a whole week...my neighbor's look-alike son. We just looked at each other and basically I never raised my hand and he never called on me. He was still popping up as a sub when I was in high school.
All the while this crap is going on the guy is still living next door. for the rest of his life, whenever I had to mow the lawn he would come out and glare at me with such filth and hatred I wanted a shower just from the look. By the 3rd time the trial was postponed our family doctor told my parents they had to either drop it or he refused to be responsible for my physical, mental, or emotional health. They dropped it on the conditition he received counseling. During that summer I went and stayed with my out-of-state grandparents. the only problem was that the mere idea of anyone in that creep's age bracket made my skin crawl and made me want to throw up. And my Grandpa wanted to hug me to console me...well, really console himself because of what happened. He would never have understood if I pushed him away and I loved him enough to not let him see he was making thing harder, not better.
So about 16 years ago my doctor adked me if I'd ever been sexually abused because of the stomach trouble I was having. the gift that goes on giving.
Now, would I have liked him to be in prison or dropped down a mine without a rescue attempt? Yes. And there were other behaviors that came along with what happened to me. It isn't easy living next to someone who wishes you were dead. After he died, his wife finally asked me if I would be willing to talk to her. My parents were the ones who had to tell her he'd been arrested. She and I had a nice relationship before my life blew apart....and she told me she had wanted to tell me for years how sorry she was but had been afraid of making things worse for me. the bigger trauma was definitely that cop.
I think that perverts who rape, and especially those who raped or raped and murdered a child should be housed with the regular prison population until all of their appeals are gone. I realize that means their lives will probably be short and horrible. Child rapists are considered the scum of the prisons. Which they are.
IF THIS IS A DEATH PENALTY CRIME...then there is no reason to dare to let a victim live. If you want the victims to have any chance of living through the assault, you have to make it worse if the victim dies. Otherwise even a family member has no reason to allow the victims to survive.
that's it. that's why I want them to live. I want them to have nice hot showers in prison for years. Their only other option is going to protected status where they are in a small cell without leaving it for more than 30 minutes a few times a week, day after day after year. But no victim stands a chance if rape is a death sentence.
I do know what I'm talking about, okay? Hell, I only found out a few months ago that the whole family didn't hate me or blame me for what happened. (I told you the cop was horrilble. Among other things, everyone was going to be able to see that I was a liar.) They blamed him but were afraid to make things worse for me. then my mother became friends with his granddaughter-in-law and his great-grandson. Thank God the kid doesn't look a bit like him. But that was a pill to swallow too.
I'm sorry that this horrible, vicious bastard has intruded on your life. I hope he never has a single other victim and gets shot with his pants down so there isn't a trial to go through. I only am against killing them because I want whatever chance of survival there is not being taken away from a victim.
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again." 'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." these are both from my father.
Are you kidding me rapist destroy children's lives and women. From knowing people who it has happened to it's different. They change, they go into a downward spiral that no one can help them climb out of. Some do drugs, some end up committing sucide. So if showing some humanity after they destroyed and innocent person and their family. Maybe you're the lucky person out there that hasn't witnessed horrific incidents. Lucky you but there is evil out there beyond what your brain can handle. Like rapist serial killers, and child molesters. If you think someone who violates a child should live then I think you need to pull your head out of your butt because this world isn't all rainbows and butterflies.
I realize that right now with school and all your son has a lot of demands on his time. Have you considered having him get martial arts training now the creep may cross his path? My son took Tae Kwon Do for a few years after a kid tried to strangle him for keeping him from grinding another boy's face in the gravel. We figured that since our son was thin and considered a "brain" he might as well have a bulllseye on his back. A friend's kids were also enrolled there and it was taught to be used as a defense.
The first week back from Summer break, a larger kid tried to jump him, and he blocked him without paying much attention. The kid tried again; he got blocked again...thought it was neat and left him alone after that. A few years later a different kid rushed him during a field trip and found himself on the ground. "Bet you can't do that again!" He could, he did..and in slow motion the second time. I know because I was always a field trip Mom.
I would pray that your son never needs it, but it might make him a little safer and that's what we all want for him.
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again." 'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." these are both from my father.
No you have not overstepped at all! It is incredibly caring of you & I do appreciate the info. There was a word missing in my original post however. It should have read
" That for me is the essence of why I do not believe in the DP for rape."
The word not was omitted & it should not have been.
As for our son & our family? We are OK. He understands what all of this means & that there is a very real chance that he will run into the monster. I think that he will handle the situation with grace & dignity, just as we have raised him. The whole point to that post was to try to bring home the reality of why the DP ion cases of rape just is not warranted. Even when it is a child that is assaulted. As I said. We can still hold & hug our son every single day. That is what is the most important thing to us. If the DP were mandated for rape, more of the victims would be killed. I cannot imagine our life without our son. As long as the victim is still here & we can hold & hug them, prison terms are fine with me.
:) your son really sounds like a gift, and you BM are a gem with all that has occured in your life you are still able to agonise and doubt over issues such as the DP even if i sometimes disagree (not on this however) got to admire you for that.
i agree i much prefer being alive to dead, dead i wouldn't now be in a relationship with a truly lovely, gorgeous (sexy) man which has great potential, wouldn't be in uni also with great potential .... wouldn't be able ot hug my mum to smell the spring blossom ..... being alive and a survivor is much better than being dead and forever a victim imho.
and that is without going into my pov on the DP in general being a negative part of a judicial system.
I want to first of all, say thank you for all of your kindness. Our son was just 5yrs old when he was brutally raped. He is now a healthy vibrant 13yr old that plays a mean trumpet, catches for his baseball team, plays football & swims for his school.
I tell you all of this because I need to bring home the fact that if his rapist knew that the DP were going to be on the table, our son may not be here to do these things. I may not have the last 8 Christmases, Easters, Halloweens, Thanksgivings or Birthdays. I would not have had the thousands of hugs or heard our baby tell me that he loves me every day. These are what happen to be the most important things in the world to me & if his rapist thought that he would be put to death for that crime, I may not have had the last 8 yrs with the greatest (no bias here! LOL) kid in the world. This is why it is crucial not to EVER apply the DP to rapists, unless they kill their victim. Then we would be dealing with murder as well. A different crime altogether. I would walk through fire & face Satan himself to have our son with us. If that means that we need to punish the rapist without killing him/her, so be it.
The "An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth" was not a Biblical punishment but comes instead for the first set of codified laws, the "Code of Hammurrabi". Even then, it wasn't an absolute penalty unless you were poor. If a rich person damaged another person's slave, they had to pay the owner a fine or buy the slave. If a rich person hurt a free man who was poor, once again they could buy their way out of it. The punishment if an owner had one of his slaves damage another was up to the owner. Of course if a poor man put out anyone else's eye, etc, the law was carried out.
Too many rapists kill their victims as it is; they don't need any more incentives to do so. But for multiple offenders convicted by DNA evidence, their names, faces, and which prison they were being sent to should feature prominently enough in the news for them to have a welcoming party from the other inmates--especially if the victims were children. I realize that isn't a particularly noble or legal sentiment, but you'll notice I was referring to rapists who had been convicted more than once with multiple victims and their DNA found places it had no business being. I know all the reasons why it can't and shouldn't be done, but thinking about bm's son made me share my own daydream of " letting the punishment fit the crime."
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again." 'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." these are both from my father.
I am totally againt the death penalty. But when I see someone post such a stupid thing and say that the death penalty should be used for rapists, it makes me shudder at the lack of humanity and reasoning that people show. Rape is a very bad offence against women. The use of force, the brutalization, the totally demeaning use of over-powering another person to inflict one's will against someone less strong and ill equipped to defend one's self is a very bad thing, but if there was no loss of life, there is no reason to inflict the death penalty. Also, what about the false accusations of rape?
Rape KILLS THE SOUL, it utterly destroys the woman.
Please do NOT presume to speak for other surviors and victims of rape, if you were raped and suffered a soul death you have my overhwelming empathy but many folks SURVIVE and do NOT suffer soul death, they are abel to go on and life and enjoy life, al bei t after theraputic and support etc.
The rapist should serve the same sentence, suffer the same soul-death as his victim.
"an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind" --- i agree rapists should be given a severe sentance, but death or casteration is truly an evil in itself.
The only "false" accusations I've encountered are made by women who were pressured by their pastors or their families to cry "rape" because they committed the sin of ENJOYING SEX and feel guilty about it. A thorough investigation will show which claims are true and which are not. These women should be sentenced to life in prison, no exceptions.
they should have to meet the person they falsely accused and realise the pain they have caused; - often long term pain as many people will say 'no smoke without fire' -- also sex therapy would be healthy for them -- and not all false claims are discovered by thorough investigations, sometimes the accuser has done the job very well indeed, and not all 'rape' claims are for the reasons you assert, revenge for being dumped or cheated on comes fairly high on the reasons according to pertinant stats. (BCS)
What bothers me is that rapists currently get off with a slap on the hand. Locally, a man was sentenced to five years for repeatedly raping two young girls. The justice system doesn't do enough for the victims.
this is true, however going to entirly the other extreme isn't going to help either -- if a rapist is going to get the same sentance for leaving victims alive as they are for killing them then what is the incentive for them not to kill, a dead victim can't be a witness in court, especially one which has bene cleaned before a body dump/hide.
Speaking personally i prefer being an alive survivor rather than a dead victim.
This is obviously a very contentious issue having been ongoing since August last year! Firstly, I do not agree with rapists being given the death penalty as I agree with both Karbie and bubbysmommy that this would only result in victims being killed.
Bubbysmommy, I am so sorry to hear about your son, as a mother of four children, I can only imagine the horror of the situation. I hope you find the support and compassion you need to cope with the trauma.
I believe there should be tougher jail sentences and other laws in order to protect these innocent people from the predators who take away their trust and hope.
No you have not overstepped at all! It is incredibly caring of you & I do appreciate the info. There was a word missing in my original post however. It should have read
" That for me is the essence of why I do not believe in the DP for rape."
The word not was omitted & it should not have been.
As for our son & our family? We are OK. He understands what all of this means & that there is a very real chance that he will run into the monster. I think that he will handle the situation with grace & dignity, just as we have raised him. The whole point to that post was to try to bring home the reality of why the DP ion cases of rape just is not warranted. Even when it is a child that is assaulted. As I said. We can still hold & hug our son every single day. That is what is the most important thing to us. If the DP were mandated for rape, more of the victims would be killed. I cannot imagine our life without our son. As long as the victim is still here & we can hold & hug them, prison terms are fine with me.
OK I am going to tell you all something. We just came from a CPO hearing involving the person that raped our son. While the CPO has been extended for another 5yrs, there are a few provisions that have been relaxed. This rapist is no longer being forced to leave a public area if we area there. He is not allowed to approach or speak to our son or us. The CPO before has a distance restriction that made it so that he could not be within 500yds of any of us. That has now been relaxed to 150. So, I am incredibly Pi*@ed off right now to say the least! What good is this now?
Having said all of that, I still do not believe that the rapist should have been put to death. After all, we still have our beautiful son & I can still hug him & hold him everyday. That for me is the essence of why I do believe in the DP for rape. Would I have liked to have seen him in jaiol for the rest of his life? HELL YES!! That did not happen either. So, we must deal with things as they come & move on. Otherwise it will eat us alive.
BM i'm so sad for you and your son, at least the vitally important restrictions such as contact and speaking to etc are still in place.
god knows it is crappy to have to see ones rapist and have to suck it up; there are support websites and things out there though (thanks to bnets policy i can't share any with you but a good google search should find you some decent ones) if one does have to interact with ones rapist or see them even, for so many rape vics childrenand adults alike they either don't report the rape or it goes unprosecuted and as many rapes are by folks in the same community/neighbourhood or family there are so many people faced with actually having to talk with, smile with even hug (familiy) which all plays into the rapists control of their 'victim' - these orgs help folks who do have to see and worse their rapist to stay survivors and not become 'victims' again.
(hope i havn't overstepped any bounds here, and hope your son is okay)
