|4 years ago :: Apr 04, 2009 - 6:04PM #1|
1. There were two goldfish in a bowl. One was a theist; the other, an atheist. The former said to the latter, "Okay, smartypants; if there's no God, then who changes the water in the bowl?"
2. During the sectarian conflicts in Northern Ireland during the 1970s, an American visiting Belfast took a wrong turn and ended up in the city's most bombed-out neighborhood. As he was trying to find his way out, a gunman stopped him and aimed an AK-47 at the visitor's head. The assailant sternly ordered, "Stop right there, and tell me which religion you are."
The visitor trembled in fear and had to think fast. What can I tell him? If I say I'm a Protestant and he's a Catholic, I'm dead. But if I say I'm a Catholic and he's a Protestant, I'll end up the same way. What should I do?
Then he had a bright idea. He mustered up his courage, and told the gunman, "I'm Jewish!"
The gunman smiled and kept his weapon aimed at the American's head, then replied, "Sure an I'm the luckiest Arab in all of Ireland!"
3. Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic? He stayed up all night wondering whether there was a dog.
4. When Noah landed the Ark at Mt. Ararat, he lowered the gangplank and told all the animals, "Our voyage is over! Now go forth onto the land and multiply!"
All the animals did as they were told . . . all except for two snakes. They wouldn't budge from the deck.
Noah sternly asked them, "Why won't you go forth and multiply?"
One snake said, "We can't."
5. A Sunday school teacher asked little Susie, "Who's your favorite person in the Bible?"
Susie said, "King Solomon."
"Can you tell us why?"
"Because he was so nice to ladies and to animals."
"What do you mean?"
"He had six hundred wives and three hundred porcupines."
6. A Sunday school teacher asked little Billy, "What's that you're drawing?"
"It's the people in the stories we've been studying. Here's Mary and Joseph and little baby Jesus."
"Yes, but who's that guy in the airplane?"
"That's Pontius the Pilot."
7. What happened to the snakes of Ireland that St. Patrick drove into the sea?
They swam across the ocean and founded the American Bar Association.
8. One day Julius Caesar decided there were too many soothsayers in Rome, so he started charging an excess prophets tax.
9. A bumper sticker on a Buddhist's car: Sorry, my karma just ran over your dogma.