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6 years ago  ::  Apr 01, 2008 - 2:07PM #1
Beliefnetsabee
Posts: 600
Applications are now being accepted for 2 year-old nursery workers.

Brother Lamar has gone on to be the Lord.

The pastor will light his candle from the altar candles.
The ushers will light their candle from the pastor's candle.
The ushers will turn and light each worshipper in the first pew.

Please welcome Pastor Don, a caring individual who loves hurting people.

Men's Prayer Breakfast. No charge, but your damnation will be gratefully accepted.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
I always remember that for every word typed there is a real person sitting behind the keyboard.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 21, 2008 - 11:48PM #2
springdaisy414
Posts: 2
too funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 23, 2008 - 9:39AM #3
LovebirdsFlying
Posts: 6
My personal favorite:

Visitors, please feel free to stay after service and say hell to the pastor.
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6 years ago  ::  Jul 28, 2008 - 2:36AM #4
Nuada79
Posts: 4
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in a parish bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Joe's sermons.

During the absence of our Priest, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when Msgr. J.F. Stone supplied our pulpit.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Parish is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Deacon unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All".

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, “The Lord Knows Why”.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir.

Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett. Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding".

On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD - Dr. Hargreaves is better.

The 2007 Spring Parish Council Retreat will definitely be hell May 10 and 11.

Father is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the Ladies' Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

The service will close with, "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved... the financial secretary gave a grief report.

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.

Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.

We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let's sing "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."

This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.

On the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada: "In a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with the Anglican Church of Canada."

Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.

Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.

Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway saves you more!

(For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in school). When their meeting was cancelled one week: "There will be no Moms who care this week."

Said during a congregational prayer when leading prayer for unsaved loved ones: “Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones”.

Due to weather conditions, there will not be any “Women Worth Watching” this week.

The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live.”

On a church postcard: “I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I would like a personal call”.

A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle..."Let's God Mangle Fall on Me."

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.
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6 years ago  ::  Aug 11, 2008 - 3:59AM #5
RaindogY2k
Posts: 7
[QUOTE=Nuada79;652407]Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Announcement in a parish bulletin for a national PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus."

Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.

Remember in prayer the many that are sick of our community.

Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again", giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Father Joe's sermons.

During the absence of our Priest, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when Msgr. J.F. Stone supplied our pulpit.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 pm. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 pm - prayer and medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The Parish is invited to attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

The Deacon unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High."

This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the alter.

The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.

The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.

Ushers will eat latecomers.

The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.

Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."

Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

Stewardship Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All".

The music for today's service was all composed by George Friedrich Handel in celebration of the 300th anniversary of his birth.

The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.

22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, “The Lord Knows Why”.

A song fest was hell at the Methodist church Wednesday.

Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir.

Hymn 43: "Great God, what do I see here?" Preacher: The Rev. Horace Blodgett. Hymn 47: "Hark! an awful voice is sounding".

On a church bulletin during the minister's illness: GOD IS GOOD - Dr. Hargreaves is better.

The 2007 Spring Parish Council Retreat will definitely be hell May 10 and 11.

Father is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.

The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

Wednesday the Ladies' Liturgy Group will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing, "Put Me in My Little Bed" accompanied by the Pastor.

Thursday at 5:00 PM, there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his private study.

The service will close with, "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and get a piece of paper.

Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan who are preparing for the girth of their first child.

The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Shirley Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.

Next Sunday is the family hayride and bonfire at the Fowlers. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

The agenda was adopted...the minutes were approved... the financial secretary gave a grief report.

The 'Over 60s Choir' will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.

If you are going to be hospitalized for an operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are seriously sick by request.

Don't miss this Saturday's exhibit by Christian Martian Arts.

We have received word of sudden passing of Rev. Smith this morning during the worship service. Now let's sing "Praise God from Whom All Blessings Flow."

This Sunday morning following services we will have our monthly feelowship.

On the main page of the Internet web site for the Evangelical Lutheran Church in Canada: "In a show of near anonymity, the convention approved full communion with the Anglican Church of Canada."

Lift up our Messianic brothers and sisters in Israel who are suffering during our prayer time.

Glory of God to all and peas to his people on earth.

Church sign: Jesus Saves! Safeway sign across the street: Safeway saves you more!

(For the group of ladies called Moms Who Care and pray for the children in school). When their meeting was cancelled one week: "There will be no Moms who care this week."

Said during a congregational prayer when leading prayer for unsaved loved ones: “Father, we just want to pray for our unloved saved ones”.

Due to weather conditions, there will not be any “Women Worth Watching” this week.

The Honeymooners are now having bile studies each Tuesday evening at 7:30 p.m.

“I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, even though he diets, yet shall be live.”

On a church postcard: “I have received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior. I would like a personal call”.

A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle..."Let's God Mangle Fall on Me."

A new loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of our members in honor of his wife.[/QUOTE]



Man, these are SO funny!!  Thanks for posting them.
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6 years ago  ::  Sep 18, 2008 - 12:51AM #6
marmalade.sunrise
Posts: 7
These literally made me laugh out loud - it was the best laugh I'd had in a while. I don't know why, but these bulletin misprints really strike my funny bone. Thanks for the laughter ... I needed it!
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 14, 2009 - 4:20PM #7
ShadyWilbury
Posts: 22
I second the laughing, and tears streaming. Brilliant, brilliant, stuff!
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5 years ago  ::  Jul 01, 2009 - 11:43AM #8
Gran-dee
Posts: 3

THESE ARE DEFINITLY WORTH MANY, MANY LAUGHS . IF YOUR DOWN IN THE DUMPS READ A PAGE AND IT'S GUARANTEED TO MAKE YOU LAUGH. OR AT THE VERY LEAST LIFT YOUR SPIRITS AND MAKE YOU Wink HAVE A GOOD AND GODLY DAY. GOD BLESS ALL !!!!!!!!

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5 years ago  ::  Feb 16, 2010 - 7:08PM #9
Gloria
Posts: 2

I was having a very bad day today, and when I read these Bulletin Bloopers, I laughed so hard I was crying. I had seen some of them before, but many were new, and I even laughed again at the ones I already knew. They say that a good "belly laugh" is very beneficial to one's health, and as another person posted here, bloopers really tickle MY funny bone, too. Probably the fact that they are spontaneous and not planned to be funny is what makes them so hilarious! The mental pictures you get from some of them just have you ROFL! :-)


Thanks to those who posted them. I really needed the laugh!

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4 years ago  ::  Feb 24, 2010 - 6:28PM #10
Marc
Posts: 1

"In other business today, we feel it best that you do not krap on the street in front of the church.  Not only is it unsightly, but it is dangerous as you could be hit by a passing car.  Please go around to the back, where the parking lot is."

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