A new priest was supposed to deliver his 1st sermon but he was very nervous, so he went to the Monsignor for help. The Monsignor suggested the new priest put a little vodka or gin in his water glass and drink some right before the sermon. He did indeed and really talked up a storm.
Afterwards, he asked the Monsignor how he had done, the Monsignor replied, well, you did pretty good but there a couple of things we need to get straighted out first.....

1. There are 10 commandments, not 12
2. There are 12 disciples, not 10
3. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
4. David slew Goliath, he did not knock the shit out him
5. Next Sunday there is to be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peters, not a peter pulling contest at St. taffy's
6. We do not refer to God, Jesus, and the Holy ghost as, Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook!

[QUOTE=ChristSeeker74;256972]7.  Sampson beat the Philistines with the jawbone of an ass,  not the other way around.[/QUOTE]  I heard that brother.  What do you think sampson would do in a day with 2 jawbones and having a bad attitude.  I think that not one more philistine would be alive.:)