Ah, nun jokes, there must be something in the voluminous BeerLover archives...
Ah yes....
Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are greeted by St. Peter who informs them that everyone entering heaven must past an intelligence test. But since they were nuns and had devoted their lives to Jesus, the questions would be really easy.
St. Pete turns to the first nun and asks, "Name three of Jesus' disciples."
"Oh that's easy," the first nun replies, "Matthew, John, and James."
The bells ring and the lights flash and the pearly gates open and the first nun enters.
St. Pete turns to the second nun and asks, "Who was Moses?"
The nun confidently replies, "Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt into the promised land."
And the bells ring and the lights flash and the pearly gates open a second time and the second nun enters.
Finally, St. Pete addresses the third nun. "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
The third nun pauses for a long moment and mutters, "Gosh, that's a hard one."
And the bells ring and the lights flash and the pearly gates open....
Did you hear about the guy who tried to date a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
Ah, nun jokes, there must be something in the voluminous BeerLover archives...
Ah yes....
Three nuns die and go to heaven. They are greeted by St. Peter who informs them that everyone entering heaven must past an intelligence test. But since they were nuns and had devoted their lives to Jesus, the questions would be really easy.
St. Pete turns to the first nun and asks, "Name three of Jesus' disciples."
"Oh that's easy," the first nun replies, "Matthew, John, and James."
The bells ring and the lights flash and the pearly gates open and the first nun enters.
St. Pete turns to the second nun and asks, "Who was Moses?"
The nun confidently replies, "Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt into the promised land."
And the bells ring and the lights flash and the pearly gates open a second time and the second nun enters.
Finally, St. Pete addresses the third nun. "What was the first thing Eve said when she saw Adam?"
The third nun pauses for a long moment and mutters, "Gosh, that's a hard one."
And the bells ring and the lights flash and the pearly gates open....
Did you hear about the guy who tried to tate a nun?
He wanted to take her to the county fair, but she declined on account of she had taken a vow abstaining from Carnival pleasures.
Two nuns were driving in their car when they stopped at a red light. The light eventually turned green but before they could move a crazy man jumped out of the bushes and jumped on their car.
“Ahhhhhhhh”, the man went, pressing his face on the windshield.
“Step on the gas”, the first nun yelled, hoping the crazy man would jump off as the car started to move.
The second nun did step on the gas and the car did indeed move but the crazy man stayed put.
“Ahhhhhhhh”, the man went, “ahhhhhhhh”!
“Turn on the windshield-wipers and shoot some wiper-fluid at him”, the first nun yelled, hoping it would irritate the man enough for him to go away.
The second nun did as she was asked and shot some wiper-fluid directly at the man’s face. But it did no good.
“Ahhhhhhh”, the man continued, “ahhhhhh, ahhhhhhhh”!
“Show him you’re cross”, the first nun yelled, perhaps hoping for divine intervention.
The second nun, misunderstanding, screamed out in a panic, “get off the car, you stupid son of a b*tch”!
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.'
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.
While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer.
The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it.
The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look, so the nun said, 'This is for washing our hair.'
Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer.
variation of ihop's joke has the "your turn in the barrel" punch line....sorry I'm from Cal.
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The three sisters were discussing what happened when they were cleaning out father o'malley's desk, The first said she had found a pack of condominiums....oh my! The second found them too and decided she would teach him a lesson by poking holes in them......here it comes....
The third sister fainted !
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After the teenage boy got in trouble once too often, and was receiving terrible grades.....the parents decided on catholic school for the lad.
Grades came in some months later. The grades were all "A's". The parents were overjoyed and said these teachers must be great !?!
"Not really", said the boy......just everywhere I look I see that previous student nailed to the cross and know they mean business.
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Jesus....."Let ye who is without sin .... among you ..... cast the first stone.......
ihop.....that's just plain WRONG ! .... just kiddin'
Here's a couple....
The mother superior was counseling a couple of the nuns that were about to leave the convent and return to the worldly life. She said you must beware of men and their behaviors. They will tell you anything and not mean it. They will coax you into having congugal relations, have their way with you, and then give you money.
sister marie questions....you mean they will do these things and use our body and actually give us money?
yes my dear, beware.....
Well, the priest does all of that and only gives us apples.
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After 10 yrs. of celebate and intense preparations to be ordained an official monk. The head monk teacher devised a test of the men's control of thier lustful animal nature . A bell was hung from the unit / member of the row of
renunciates as an indicator of this final TEST.
A beautiful blond nude woman paraded before the row of potential monks. When she got to the last one the bell gingled and gangled / rang. The final monk who's attentiveness was causing the ringing apologized profussly and begged for a second chance at the test. And so this repeated with a nude red head, and the result was the same. He begged again for a third chance.
The brunett caused the same reaction......the bell fell off from the monk's unit and as he bent over to pick it up......the line of bells all began to ding a ..lingle...ling.
If a Japanese plane with an American pilot full of New Zealand tourists was flying from Australia to England on Singapore Airlines and crashed on the border between Pakistan and India, where would you bury the dead?
If a fully-loaded 747 was to crash directly on the border between France and Germany, where would you bury the survivors?
No place.
Generally speaking, you don't bury survivors.
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A two-engined 6-passenger Cessna crashed into a Polish cemetary; rescue workers have found hundreds of bodies, and expect to find many more.
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Warmest regards-
Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance." -- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
