On March 27,1973 I underwent an unwanted Abortion. I'd gotten pregnant and my mom didn't find out till she took me to my doctor. When my father found out he hit the ceiling and me. "you're having an abortion,no and if or but's about it." I couldn't even say what I wanted to do~ it was his way or the highway. My own son/daughter would not be able to have the same chance/choice my biological mother was given when she'd become pregnant with me 18 years earlier.
She had me and gave me up for adoption on April 21,1954.
My parents never really thought of what they were doing to me,how it was going to affect me They just thought "Oh,she strong,she'll get over it~ she'll have other children later when she gets married,she's too young for a child" They didn't know how wrong they were or how I'd suffer for the rest of my adult life......
Between the time of my abortion and September 29,1974 my whole world as I knew it was turned totally upside down in the span of eighteen months. On January 26,1974 my mother suffered a massive stroke and three months later she was diagnosed with a inopberable brain tumor exactly like Sen. Ted Kennedy's~ except that his happened in 2009 and could be operated on giving him extra time with his loved ones.
I had to watch my mother dies before my eyes,and greive for her while still grieving for the child I aborted. I couldn't even talk to her about it. Mother came First. I feel to the bottom of the heep importance wise~ I had nobody to turn to since I was an only child. I really couldn't go to any of my Aunts as I don't think they knew about it??? None of my girlfriends really knew either. Between the Abortion and mom's passing we went on a trip to Israel. Something happened in Israel that is with me today~ after the abortion I never cried. That is till I was in the Chruch of the Holy Seplchure~ and Christ opened my heart After touching the slab of yellowed marble where his body supposedly lain I began to cry crocodile tears~and I cried for my son,the son I had killed.
After mother's passing on September 29,1974 I kept to myself and hid my grief. Telling nobody~till I met someone who would later become my husband. I told him about my mom's death and also about the abortion. Also about my having Epilepsy since the age of 6. I held nothing back. We talked about what we wanted out of life~and I said that "Children are really important to me and that I wanted a Family" This was very important to me. I thought it was also to him? "I want a little girl who looks like you" ~I filed that away in my Vault~ "Well I want a little boy who has your eyes"
Now I really wanted children But my husband didn't want them and he was too scared to tell me that becasue he felt I'd leave him~ he was right. He lied to me~he kept me on the fence for 21 years before he said anything~ I was betrayed twice, first my parents betrayed my trust in them and then he betrayed my love for him. All the while I'm greiving for my son and mother. Not a day goes by that I don't shed a tear. Since last August 27, it's gotten worse~Last year I finally told my son's father that I killed OUR son. I never meant to tell him. This was going to be my secret.
I held that secret for 37 years, we'd been talking about things you don't forget. I said "Yeah, I can NEVER forget your birthday or the fact I aborted OUR SON 37 years ago" I wanted to die. My former boyfirend said "You did what?" I told him how sorry I was for not telling him and I told him what my parents made me do. To my suprise I didn't get any yelling~ no, I got the opposite.
I have cried on two dates every year: March 27 & September 29. March is the Anniversary of the Abortion, while September is Mom's Anniversary. It's also around that same time that I would have given birth to my son if I'd been allowed to have him and give birth~ he would have turned 38 this year.
This past Sunday I watched a documentary called "BloodMoney" by Dr.Martin Luter King's neice on EWTN it was about what women who've had abortions go thru. How they've suffered since having them and what some have done,like committing sucide. Doctors/Nurses at Planned Parenthood lie to you~ telling you "Oh you'll be fine" they have NO IDEA WHAT SO EVER OF THE EMOTIONAL PAIN YOU'LL GO THRU AFTER AN ABORTION!!!
IF YOU'VE UNDERGONE AN ABORTION, PLEASE TELL ME YOUR STORIES. I'M SOMEONE WHO CAN SHARE YOUR PAIN.... GOD BLESS.
I want people to not only read this but to also share their stories.
When I posted this I not only wanted to tell my story but I wanted to hear from other women who had unwanted abortions and regretted doing so.
If you were able to change things would you have spoken up and fought for your child's life, if my parents had asked me what I wanted I would have told them the following. "Let me have my child,and then I'll do what my birthmother did, I'll place him/her up for Adoption and let him/her have a better life. and when I'm settled/married I would try to find him/her. " I couldn't even save my child's life cause my parent's didn't ask what I wanted~ they only people who mattered were how it looked to their friends. I and my child didn't matter. they never spoke about the abortion again.
What I would like to know is this,why are people afraid to tell about their experiences? I'm facing what I did 38 years ago,and I'm also dealing with the anger I still hold onto. This anger is what is slowly killing me. I've got to release it, if my parents were alive I'd read them the riot act. Especially my father. I've stopped being mad towards my mom,I beleive she knows how I've suffered from her and my father's decison. They made a terrible mistake.
Now please put down your feelings,don't just read this.