It seems overwhelming studies show "trickle down economy is a myth".

Dearest Marlene,

Failure is when we dont try. You seem to take on failure, and push aside what your home provided the other child. Theres a phrase that says "No good deed goes unpunished" and I believe you are punishing yourself, for what was an extremely good intention. How many people would have so easily opened their heart and home, to two troubled teens? 

God has a plan for all of us..He always is aware of our hearts INTENTIONS. If we seek credit for our being good, than we may feel badly if we believe we lost the cause. When God enters the picture, His Will at times, doesnt match what we want for those around us..be it a natural birth child, or one we took in as our own.

I believe Christ would want you to forgive that child for at this point in his life..he truly "knows not what he does". And instead of feeding the energy of FAILURE..which adds to anyone who believes they are such...see the joy you want for him, your husband and yourself, and begin in little steps to reach that joy. Let go and let GOD...Take hold of your life, and put it on a Path that reflects JOY!..Remember, when Mama aint happy, nobodys happy! God Bless, and be bold in your making you home a place of joy..so that if GOD  chooses... your second son, will find a place of joy, to come home to.         

I deleted an earlier reply because I had assumed things that were wrong. Marlene's father loved her mother very, very much and wanted the whole focus in the family to be on her. She had suffered a stroke, and her brain cancer was discovered.

she took care of her father  when he was in the hospital and telling the doctors not to try to bring him back because she knew he wouldn't have wanted to be alive inside a paralyzed body.

My Illinois grandma wouldn't even tell the hospital who her next-of-kin were or how to reach us until her doctor refused to have her coded unless we agreed as well. My sister called me, and asked what we should do. I said that the only one who had a say in the matter had made that decision and we should back Grandma. You didn't win arguments with her, and I knew she'd take a very dim view of people whose diapers she'd changed going against her wishes. by then, her children were both dead, her husband was dead, and she was the final surviving member of her family. I knew she had agreed to the surgery in the hopes it would kill her.

I was with my other Grandma when she died. It took awhile because congestive heart failure at least gave me the chance to get back in time to spend some time with her. the only thing she said that was out of character was being so happy she had her breasts back again. As soon as I saw her the first time, she said "Oh good. I can go now because you'll be there to take care of your Mother".Her body was just worn out after living to be over 100. She'd been a size 8 for years and was a size 18 when she died. The mortuary called to thank Mother for sending a 2 piece outfit that fit perfectly. They sent a certificate that they were having trees planted in a National Park in her memory.

I know all about that because I took care of all the thank you notes so that Mother didn't have to. I still miss her so much. She was dearer to me every day she lived. Some grief is like that. Within 2 years, my aunt and uncle died. Mother is now the matriarch but she and my uncle became very, very close after they could step out of their assigned roles. that's when he told her his biggest secret--he had a huge chunk of his childhood he'd blocked out. Didn't remember their baby sister who died of leukemia shortly after turning 5. Didn't remember those years or what my grandparents had been like before either. Mother gave that back to him.

I'm about to give advice I have a hard time doing myself--letting go of the grief doesn't mean giving up memories of the person you lost. those will always be with you, always be a part of who you are today and tomorrow. Eventually we have to forgive for our own sake.Do the ones who've gone on know how much things they did hurt us? Yes--they can view our life story and the results, just like we'll be able to see theirs when we cross over. Some days that sounds better than others. Love survives everything, even death.

Dear Marlene,

I knew that you were an incredible woman--but praying for mercy on your adoptive father's soul was an amazingly generous act. so was freeing his soul from a body in a vegetative state, unable to leave. the more I learn about you, the more that I admire you.

I'm really glad that your sister contacted you. My husband's Mom was adopted, and even things lie being ased if something ran in her family on medical histories used to upset her. She knew who her birth mother was--she had both older and younger siblings, but she was the product of an affair and her grandmother adopted her. She wasn't allowed contact with her mother, though.

I remember when she went back to her home town--all she discovered was that her biological father was not who she thought he was. Apparently her father was a member of one of the richest families in town, so that 70 years later she still couldn't get things opened up. She did meet several of her half-sisters. She was delighted with just crumbs of attention from them--my husband is still ticked that they had known where she was but hadn't tried to contact her because he knew how much she had longed for it. She's outlived them all now.

You do deserve to be the one taken care of instead of always being the caretaker. Especially since you've been denied taking care of what you wanted most--taking care of a child. I think that any child luckiest enough to share even a few hours with you each week would be truly blessed. Why are people so selfish? I don't know if I could forgive a man who lied to me about having children.

My oldest first cousin's wife hated my uncle with a passion. She had good reason, too. They had 3 children, and she still wanted to at least have the option of having a 4th child. My uncle told him there was no way they could afford another child and convinced him to get a vasectomy without telling her first. She was right about one prediction--that it would be another story when his youngest daughter--their 4th child -had more than 3 children. She has 4 children, the youngest 2 were supposed to save a marriage/lead to a marriage. Didn't work out that way, of course.

I guess your husband wasn't willing to share your attention and love with a child. Our 34th anniversary is Saturday-- another thing we have in common. You've just had more pain.

Bello:

In 1986 my dad died of a stroke which was brought on by the implantation of a pacemaker.
He lingered in the hospital for one month,till on the morning of Easter Sunday,1986
he passed away after I had said a Prayer for Christ to have mercy on his soul.
I knew he'd not want to live like a human vegatable if he came out of the coma.

So I asked the doctor to put a DNR, or "Do not resusitate" on his chart.
And I asked him to tell no body. this was our secret.

I wanted him to have Peace.

I was caregiver to both of my Parents,but who is caregiver to me?
My husband doesn't really know me,even though we've been married almost 34 years.

Now after my dad passed I received my adoption papers from my uncles.
Yes, I was adopted at the age of 1 month.

I went to the agency to find out some information concerning my adoption.
Before I left I was asked to sign a paper for the State Adoption Agency.
I signed it and literally forgot it~ for 20 years!!!
In November of 2006, I received a phone call from my caseworker who informed me that
I had a sibling. "I HAVE A WHAT????"
"Now tell me do I have a sister or a brother?"
"You have a sister, who's 8 years younger than you are?"
"Where was she born?" "In Staten Island,like you and she was also given up at birth".

I was in shock. I had a younger sister that my mom gave up exactly like me in 1954.
I wanted to know more. My case worker said "The ball's in her court".
She's the one who will have to say if she wants to meet you.
I told her thank you and then I waited.
I waited for four years till July of 2010 when my phone rang and it was my caseworker.

She told me "Your sister wants to meet you"!
Took a deep breath in and said "OK how do we go about this"?
I told her I had to tell my husband about this and also talk to other people in my family
as this was a major life step and was going to change alot of people's lives.

That night I wrote an email with my phone number,address and everything else and hit send

Next day I got a call, from my caseworker "Are you sure about this?"
"Do it now or I'm going to lose my nerve"
"Give me a few minutes OK and I'll get back to you?"
"By the way what's my baby sister's name?"
"It's Randi"

Waited then got an email from FACEBOOK, it was from a Randi Braun Keiper.
"You must be my older sister???"
The actual meeting happened on  April 28th,2011 in Anheim, CA. very near Disneyland!!!
I also met my two little nephews and their brand new sister that day along with their mom
my other neice and my baby sister!!!