Today's the 38th Anniversary of my late mom's passing. She died right before the High Holiday's in 1974. September is an exceptionally hard month for me,as it's also the anniversary of what would have been my Son's birthday had I not aborted him. A year ago I finally told his father the Truth of what happened in March of 1973. It's been a horrible year for me.
As for my mother's passing I try not to let it bother me, but now I've just found out that a close cousin has ALS, and I'm already in the grief stage. She's such a wonderful person. This is what they mean "Bad things happen to good people" her only child just got married last weekend, she should be looking foward to awaiting the birth of her first grandchild~but one doesn't know if she'll even be alive when that time comes?? My heart is just breaking for this women and her whole family.
As for my mother's death, no matter how hard I try I can never really stop greiveing for her. I miss her more than you'll ever know. People say I should get over her passing. Easier said than done. I was only a child of 19 when she died and I really nobody to comfort me. My father, well he more or less abandoned me emotionally and physically, he didn't hug me or even dried my tears. And I was greiving for both my Mother and my Son. I'm still greiving 38 years later for both of them.
How can you stop grieving a hole in your life and heart? She was the only one of your adoptive parents who didn't cut you off emotionally and physically for not being perfect. And on that scale, your adopted father was probably the driving person behind your forced abortion. Being pregnant was just another example of not being a perfect specimen to him, and worst of all, this one would show. If you didn't marry--and he certainly didn't give you a chance to find out if the father of your child would have married you. It didn't count with him because when the finger-counting started everyone would know you'd gotten married because you had to. HE would have failed to prevent it. Everyone would KNOW.
I believe that in time your Mother would have realized the magnitude of what she did to you over the abortion. She'd had too many years of needing to toe the line for him.It's odd in a way that his preferred mode of punishment was to withdraw whatever attention he paid. A form of abuse that didn't show. After all, that's all that mattered to him. What the world thought of him, and not what people who loved him thought, felt--he doesn't have that sort of soul. Or maybe he doesn't believe in one.
You have a good soul and you've paid penance for his sins. Your son-to -be was conceived in love--but all that counted was that your father kept others from finding out that beneath the surface there was nothing but anger and contempt for anyone who cared about others. All he could see was weakness and vulnerability instead of love.
Someone who could cut a child off was bad enough. forcing you to have your child taken out was worse because he didn't care how you felt, wouldn't listen to you plead, and didn't grieve your mother because she'd failed him. I think she must have at least tried to get him to consider letting you have the baby at least behind closed doors. I'm sorry that you didn't get a chance for her to get out from under his thumb long enough to tell you that.
They've been making progress in so many diseases--I'm adding your cousins to my prayers.
My default setting on the laptop goes to Science news. The same supplement recommended for those with joint problems has been shown to slow down the onset of MS. That was just released 4 hours ago. I hope that means that als sufferers will benefit as well.
I lost my father 2 months after my 19th birthday in 1974. I understand the grief, and had others who loved him around me. I wish that your SOB adoptive male had understood a fraction of the love you have and receive from your birth siblings and extended family. What a waste of space, and a waste of a life if you don't love anyone.
I'm sorry for your losses. Remember that your mother was free of him and his "influence' the instant she died. She just wasn't strong enough to do it before then.
"You are letting your opinion be colored by facts again." 'When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you." these are both from my father.
Karbie: I've just read your post and I began to cry all over again. I'm still in the "period of the year when I'm depressed because of what happened to me in 1973-1974, that runs each August to October 15th" I can cry at the drop of a hat. Did you by any chance read the post I posted about my abortion in the Grief Support thread where I asked if anyone had an unwanted abortion and how many years they've been hurtin in silence. There have been 51 viewings,but no respoinses. It's strange to me, that no one has the Courage to admit to having an unwanted abortion.
September is when Jews celebrate the High Holidays. The Holiday begins usually on September 27- 29 and ends on October 6-8. The first day of the Holiday is called Rosh Hashanah, and the last day is called Yom Kipper, or the day of Atonement. The hoilday is hard for me,as my mom passed in 1974 right before the High Holidays began, and I never realized that it would also would have been at this time that I would have given birth to my son Jason Alan, if I'd not had that abortion.
He would have turned 38 this year,my mom has been dead 38 years as of September 29th. The Abortion happened on March 27,1973. And I did/do love his father, I just made the mistake of not telling him I was pregnant. Sure, I've wondered what would have happened if I had told him. For the record, we never talked about marriage if something were to happen. When I became pregnant, it was a complete accident,it wasn't on purpose. If my mom was still alive she would see what a horridable mistake she and my father made.
Now I can tell you this about my parents. They may not have given birth to me but in my book they were my parents. My biologicial parents mean nothing to me. My real dad ran out on my real mom instead of taking responsiblity for getting a girl pregnant. And my birth mom did what was the "Correct thing and gave me up and let another couple who couldn't have children raise me"
In 2006 I found out about my biologicial sister,who's 8 years younger than me. She was borne in May 1963, seemed my birth mom was somewhat of a "party girl". Now when I found out about my sister, it was November,we were at my husband's brother's house for a family Thanksgiving, when I told everyone about what happend someone asked if I had any desire to meet them??
I told them I buried my parents, that my biologicial parents had no right to call themselves that and that the people who raised me WERE my Parents for all intense purposes. One thing that you must know about my dad is this, yes he was controlling at times but he loved my mother and when he died I knew he loved me as he gave me his whole estate,cutting out his own brothers and sister.
Would he,if he were still alive care about what he had done in making me have the abortion? That is something I'll never know, as he's been dead for twenty five years. He never said a word after the abortion, as my mom suffered a massive stroke on 1-26-74 which then turned out to be an inopberable brain tumor which killed her. It also destroyed my father's whole world,which was my mother. She was the love of his life,his reason for living. To him I was just about nothing. In his eyes I never amounted to anything from the time I was six. He didn't care didly squat.
Since I wrote that first letter I've found out some really interesting things about that time, it seems that my mom had told certain people about my becoming pregnant. She told two cousins but not her baby sister, who I told a few years ago. I was shocked when my aunt told me about knowing about the abortion.
She made me understand that what happened was not my fault or my mom's. The blame/guilt rests solely with my father. If I had been given a choice I would have had my child and I would have given him up like I was given up and I would have found him when he turned eighteen.
I also would have not let my son have anything to do with his grandfather. My father does not deserve to know his grandchild if I had carried him to term. My father was a cold hearted man when it came to me,but when it came to his wife he had all of the love in the World for the women he married.
Can I forgive my mother? Most probably yes,as I know that she knows what that abortion did to me and she's sorry she hurt me so bad. The weekend of October 8th,there was a program on EWTN called "BloodMoney: the real Story of Abortion" and it opened my eyes about what happened and how many other women were in the exact same predictament as I was. I don't blame her anymore.