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Switch to Forum Live View How do I "Let Go" of my son?
5 years ago  ::  Dec 03, 2009 - 11:38PM #1
Kippilu
Posts: 13

Hello, my name is Kippi, and my son died in 2007 of a rare form of cancer.  He was 25.  He was also my heart, my joy, my very breath.  I am getting a sort of "feeling" that maybe my son is trying to tell me that it's time for me to let him go.  I don't know how to do this.  How do you let go of your child?  What does it entail?  Anybody know?   Kippi

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 04, 2009 - 9:39PM #2
pam48381
Posts: 14

Kippi,


We just got through the first anniversary of my son's suicide.  I don't know when I will ever be able to let him go - never got to say goodbye,  He was 18 and so full of potential - handsome, brilliant, strong.  Unfortunately, he suffered from depression that was much worse than he would ever reveal.   I just want that last day back to do over again so I can help him see that life isn't hopeless, that we could help him through his darkness.  I'm trying to find  the strength to accept that he is gone.  I talk to him all the time, he's the first thought of every new day, never out of my thoughts all day.  The only reason I'm not catatonic is my 12 year old son needs a functional mom.  I'm not sure which is less hideous - knowing your child is terminally ill or the shock and horror of a sudden death.  You will be in my thoughts and prayers, and if you figure out how to let go, please share your insights - I need all the help I can get.


Pam

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2009 - 1:55AM #3
Dreamweever2
Posts: 733

Hi. I just wanted to stop on here and tell you both that I am very sorry to hear about the losses of your sons. I have no way to know what you have been through, but I have said some prayers for peace and comfort for both of you, your families, and your sons.

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2009 - 8:18PM #4
Kippilu
Posts: 13

Thank you both for your words.  Thank you for the prayers as well.  My heart goes out to you Pam----my son has been gone for almost 3 years now, and it hasn't gotten any easier to accept.  Losing a son by suicide-----I cannot even imagine what you're feeling.  My son was angry with me when he died, and I did not get the chance to say goodbye to him either.  It's like living in a hell, for me, right here on earth.  Again, thank you for the replies.   Kippi

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 06, 2009 - 11:59PM #5
Wendyness
Posts: 3,012

Sorry for the pain and suffering you are experiencing.  My brother died at the age of 17 from a rare form of cancer.  I learned a lot from watching my mother grieve.  On my brothers death bed, she held his hand and said these words, "I love you so very much. This will not be the last time we will be together.  I will see you again".  She really truly believes she will see her son again.  Her faith in God's promise is what helped her with the loss of her son.  While she may have "let go" of being able to see her son in this world, she will never let go of God's promise to see him again.


 

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 07, 2009 - 3:33AM #6
Kippilu
Posts: 13

Wendyness,


Thank you for your words....I too, have every faith that I will see my son again.  It's just so difficult for me now because I had split from his father when my son was just 6 years old.  His father was physically and mentally abusing me.  He got custody because I had nowhere to live, but I did see my son most weekends.  After he turned 18 and joined the Army, we lost touch for several years.  When we finally got together again he was going to move in with me finally--and we were going to get to know each other again.  Then, he died.  I never got my chance, and I miss him so much.  How does one "get on with their life" when they don't care about the future anymore?  Without my son in it, it doesn't matter to me at all.  Thank you for replying and I'm sorry about your brother.   Kippi

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 08, 2009 - 4:33AM #7
Rayraysmommy
Posts: 10

I know what you mean about not caring about the future. I'm only 19, and I've just recently lost my 21 month old son to bronchopneumonia. I've got my entire life ahead of me and I don't even care. Some times I wonder what my life's going to be like, but since he was my first and only child, I don't have anyone to look up to me or depend on me to take care of them like my baby did. My son was born the same year your son passed. How do you go on? I do not know. I but feel you pain. Just know I feel your pain and I know what it is like to lose a child. Hope you know you're not alone. God Bless.-carmelita

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5 years ago  ::  Dec 08, 2009 - 3:25PM #8
Kippilu
Posts: 13

Rayraysmomm,


Thank you for replying.  How do I go on?  One day at a time.  Sometimes, one minute at a time.  If there ever was a "perfect" man, my son was it.  He was an angel, to everyone.  I feel like someone played an awful joke on me, and I'm stuck with it.  You however, have your whole life ahead of you!  You will have more children, that is how you will go on sweetie.  I also have a daughter--she's 34 and I had her at age 17.  She is is the main reason I'm still here, although my son would be very sad if I chose to leave this earth early.  All I know, is that he, and God, give me credit for having much more strength than I really have.  It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do in this life---so if I have to do this...so do you.  You stay strong.  Kippi

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