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Switch to Forum Live View Not Notifed of the Death of a Family Member
5 years ago  ::  Mar 31, 2009 - 1:20PM #1
Anona
Posts: 44

I found myself very hurt a couple of days ago when I read in our local paper that the husband of a family member had passed away last week and had already been buried. I don't understand why nobody from that side of the family called to let us know. We're first cousin's for goodness sakes. They didn't even tell my mother. Sad and disappointed.

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5 years ago  ::  Mar 31, 2009 - 6:23PM #2
NothingButLove
Posts: 715

Yes I can guess you felt hurt, but maybe they assumed you would not be interested? Perhaps they felt you folks had not spent much time with them of late? For example I have many cousins I am no longer in touch with, and I only hear about deaths in the family by accident. If you did want to say good bye to the individual, you can still do that, and they will hear you.

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5 years ago  ::  May 11, 2009 - 1:11PM #3
Dakotabarrett
Posts: 104

Hi Anona,


you know, it may have been an oversight on the behalf of the bereaved family.  When a loved one dies, it can set you into a tail spin from which it is hard to recover.  When my father died for example, I seemed to do everything on automatic pilot for about 6 months.  I don't think I could have remembered to tell everyone about his death even if they were people very close to dad.  It was all we could do to make it through the day, and we were trying to support my mum, who was just in a daze and not much help with all the details regarding his funeral arrangements.


That said, I DO totally understand your being very hurt at not having been informed personally of the death.  It can hurt very much when it seems we have been left out or forgotten, when it is something so very important in life.  The fact is, you don't know what the family was thinking at the time.  You don't know anything about it, who organised the arrangements, who informed those who attended the funeral, why your mother and you were not informed, whether there is some reason for the lack of communication between them and you.  There are so many things we just cannot know, and it is of no benefit to beat yourself up, wondering why, why, why?  It is something you cannot change.  So if you can, let it go and accept that what happened has happened and that cannot be changed.  No good will come of holding hurt and anger inside.  For your own sake, you need to learn to forgive them and move on.  If you need to visit the gravesite, you can do that in your own time.  You don't need anyone's permission to do so.


So, work through your grief, your sadness and your anger, and when you have done that, you can look forward to a future with a bit more experience at life and some of its twists and turns.  You are exactly where you are meant to be right now dear one, and everything that happens happens for reasons, whether we know it or not at the time.


God Bless you Anona.  I hope you are soon able to resolve this pain.


Love and Angel Blessings, Shauna xx (\o/)(\o/)(\o/)



Love and Angel Blessings,
Shauna xx (\o/)(\o/)(\o/)
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5 years ago  ::  May 13, 2009 - 1:30PM #4
tracikay
Posts: 223

Because of my father's work moving him around the country, I have been apart from my relatives almost all my life. We did go visit them or they would visit us in the summer. We would travel from Kansas to Washington and Idaho to see them but I don't think we did that every summer. Almost all my aunts and uncles are gone except for one. She lived in Washington in the same town as my parents. Now she lives in Oregon. When my mother was dying, I was out in Colorado. I called my aunt to notify her of my mother thinking that she would want to go the nursing home to say goodbye to her. She is hard of hearing and it took me awhile to get her to understand what was going on. This was in 2001. I have not seen or heard from my cousins except for a few phones and the annual Christmas cards. I have called them but I feel I am always the one to intiate contact. I am tired of that so I do not do that anymore - the phone calls. I still send Christmas cards. So, I really do not expect to be contacted when my cousins start dying off.


 


 


 


 


 

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5 years ago  ::  May 22, 2009 - 3:37AM #5
Boston
Posts: 55

Most likely the effected family would have missed informing you, due to the overwhelming situation.


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Obituaries

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5 years ago  ::  May 27, 2009 - 1:26PM #6
Anona
Posts: 44

Thank you all who took time to respond. As it turns out they didn't think anyone would be interested as he and the wife were estranged for a good many years. May he rest in peace.

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