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Switch to Forum Live View After The Loss Of A Child
7 years ago  ::  Oct 15, 2007 - 2:43PM #1
cdkelley
Posts: 164
Dear family & friends,

I guess we have to start a new thread since it's a new forum...So here we go.I hope that you all won't shy away from the new format.WE can learn to work it out together,
I n the meantime,this is a thread for all who suffer,not just  those of us who have lost children.WE welcome everyone who wishes to share.Good,Bad,happy,or sad-we share because we care.
Please come & learn that by giving we get on this path that God has chosen for us.
Take Care & God Bless.

With love,hugs & prayers always,
Cathy  :)

PS-I can't attach my usual signature!! Oh well you all know me by now!!
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7 years ago  ::  Oct 16, 2007 - 10:24AM #2
chauncey'sma
Posts: 32
My son was killed on May 10, 2007, and I feel as if I'm losing my mind.  I miss him so much and hurts soooo bad.  I constantly think about him and all that he won't get to do, everything reminds me of him and as stupid as this sounds I want my baby back.  I am so confused with God, I'm even angry at God and probably more than half of this world and the people in it.  I use to be a very active church member, but since my son was killed I wonder if there is a God and if so why did he not save my son, but he continues to let these other no-good, robbers, stealers and killers live. My Chauncey was the greatest, he was the best kid any Mom could have. I also have an eight year old daughter who misses her brother so much that it hurts my heart even more.   She adored her brother and would get so excited when it was time for him to come home from college for the summers.  I am a mess I've recently returned to work, which is great but I am struggling when it comes to worshipping God and even praying.  I don't even know what to pray for now.  Chauncey birthday is November 9, which will be here soon, I am so afraid.  What am I to do for Christmas? Chauncey would always come home for christmas. I am tired of being so sad, and I wonder if I will ever be happy again.
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7 years ago  ::  Oct 17, 2007 - 8:13AM #3
Loveukory
Posts: 3
Good Morning Good People,
I finally got on here and found yas...
jeezes  it will be cool once things are worked out and we learn to get around on here....
Have been pretty sick here the last few days.. had enough yesterday and walked into my doctors office after work and asked him to take some blood becasue I am so tired and ache all the time I think he thinks I am suffereing from stress and its showing its ugly head through illness.. thats fine if  it is but man I am so drained I came in from work yesterday and couldn't lift my head off the pillow... my head feels like it is being squeezed in a vise...sinus problems maybe but no outward signs...

Chauncy...you are not losing your mind honey..
I lost my son Oct 1, 2006 ...he had just made eagle scout ..just graduated from HS was on his way into the Navy.. I never really got angry at God... if it was not for my faith I think I would lose my mind, but I understand wqhere your coming from I felt that way awhile ago when a dear friend of my family lost her life shortly after giving birth to a son she tried to have for 5 yrs.. it didn't make sense to me why he would take herr when everything was going so good in her life...and it happened again when I looked at what happened with my son Kory.. he was finally on the right path ..but believe there is a plan we are just not fully aware of yet...keep holding on hun .. and post and post when you feel like it is too much to bear .. this is a wonderful family .. I know they have carried me all year... I get angry at my son and the bad choice he made.. I get angry at society and what we have made our world to act like and not see how we interact...I think more so now after a year it really has been bothering me...people just don't get it..we live in a very mad , mixed up world...

  Well I just wanted to let ya know I am on board...still learning how it all works...
Love ya.. Miles of smiles..Jules
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7 years ago  ::  Oct 17, 2007 - 7:50PM #4
cdkelley
Posts: 164
I finally found my way back! Whew! This is going to take some getting used to.
(((((JULES))))) my miles of smiles girl! Thank you for coming & finding the thread & for replying to our newest family member,Chauncey'sma.

Chancey'sma,I'm Cathy otherwise known as cdkelley.I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.I lost my son,David,18 years ago to suicide & I can tell you it's something that you think of everyday. Please do not let those words discourage you,though,because someday,instead of crying you'll remember & smile.I know it doesn't even seem as if that's possible now,but neither did it ever seem possible in any of our minds to conceive the thought of losing our child.I say that the pain of bringing my son into this world was nothing compared to giving him back.He was only 16 with his whole life to look forward to.
Getting angry with God doesn't even discribe the state my confused & shocked mind went through.& yes,I still,at times, go through.But my strong faith in God's word & promise that we will be reunited with our loved ones when He calls us home has kept me going through the years.If there's any comfort  that I've found,that's it.That,& the wonderful love & support of the friends & family here on Bnet.You'll meet all of them soon
We will be here for you as much as we can & sometimes more. WE find in giving we ,in turn,get. This time of year does tend to get to us all.I've been here now for about 4 years,I think it is.And I can honestly say there are times I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have this family here.
Please feel free to come post anything you feel like sharing,anytime.You're with family now.And we are here with open arms & all the shoulder's we can give.

Love,hugs,& prayers always.
Cathy

;)
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 20, 2007 - 8:32AM #5
B.a.d-in-eternity-2
Posts: 28
hello, My god do you realize how exciting it feel's to find people whom hurt and feel the same pain. as sad as is it. Now I know I'm not alone.Please excuse me But I can only go on-line @ work for now so I must let you know my pain before I get busy.
    Maybe you will be able to finally help me out w/ survving the lonlyness and heartache as well as trying very hard to not doubt our Heavenly Father.

  You see sept 25th,05 My best Friend and only born child my son, age 25yr was murderd, shot in the heart, 18months later for $5.00 my only love and best  friend that saved my life when I tried to committe suicide over the loss of my son, My live- in spouse partner and backbone,
was too murderd and died in my arms. my cpr which I'm trained for my career once a yr. to do. did not even save him.I only have two brother's& two sister's one whom is mentally challenged
left whom do not live me I live w/ my other baby's 2 cat's and a dog. they are what is keeping me sane for now.
   
But how or will my hurting, ever stop how do I keep going when I truly don't want to watch another pass on that is near& dear so many questions unanswered don't know where to go to get these feeling's to subside help me..
                                         
                                    sincerly hurting deep inside, thanx...
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 20, 2007 - 2:57PM #6
Cpete3558
Posts: 6
[QUOTE=chauncey'sma;2274]My son was killed on May 10, 2007, and I feel as if I'm losing my mind.  I miss him so much and hurts soooo bad.  I constantly think about him and all that he won't get to do, everything reminds me of him and as stupid as this sounds I want my baby back.  I am so confused with God, I'm even angry at God and probably more than half of this world and the people in it.  I use to be a very active church member, but since my son was killed I wonder if there is a God and if so why did he not save my son, but he continues to let these other no-good, robbers, stealers and killers live. My Chauncey was the greatest, he was the best kid any Mom could have. I also have an eight year old daughter who misses her brother so much that it hurts my heart even more.   She adored her brother and would get so excited when it was time for him to come home from college for the summers.  I am a mess I've recently returned to work, which is great but I am struggling when it comes to worshipping God and even praying.  I don't even know what to pray for now.  Chauncey birthday is November 9, which will be here soon, I am so afraid.  What am I to do for Christmas? Chauncey would always come home for christmas. I am tired of being so sad, and I wonder if I will ever be happy again.[/QUOTE]
Dear Chauncey's Ma, I know exactly how you feel. I lost Stephanie age 17, to a very tragic drowning accident on June 10, 1997. Its ok to doubt GOD now, I actually hated him! But, please please remember that GOD did not kill him. We all have our time when we are supposed to leave this earth. It is just not fair that we as parents have to see our beloved children go first. I have learned that it takes a special person to be able to deal with losing a child. What I mean is, I know that your  heart is broken right now, but in time and only time, you will begin to feel God's love. Now, I am not saying that GOD chooses us to lose our children, I am just now a firm believer in God's plan for all of us. Do you have friends and or family that can help you? My sister stayed with me for several months after Stephanie died. My granddaughter Alexis was born seven weeks after Stephanie died. Alexis kept me from going insane. Have you called any grief groups? I found a few lasting friendships through the local hospice group. We still keep in touch after all these years. I will pray that God sends you ministering angels to surround you and your daughter. Please try to rest, and even if you find yourself doubting GOD. Again, he loves you very much. He knows your pain also. Shout, scream, talk, pray, cry to GOD. God bless you, I will keep you in my daily prayers.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 20, 2007 - 3:04PM #7
Cpete3558
Posts: 6
To all that have lost children, you are in my prayers. We need each other. Thank you for reading my post. I am so happy to have other parents to share with. God is good!
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 20, 2007 - 3:37PM #8
dorothysweeney
Posts: 108
My name is Eileen - I've been on these boards for over two years.  I have no idea where my life would be right now without coming here - where there is compassion and even hope.

To the new members here - the night is dark but some days can be even darker.  I fell down hard back in December of 2004 and roamed around for 7 long months until I got this site.

My son sits in prison serving life without parole for the murder of his children - he pled guilty because in our state, you are up for the death penalty and he was stold he would be found guilty and sent to death row.  My life shattered - it will never be the same.

There were days I raged at God - why did he allow babies to leave this earth - why did my son do these things?  I have answers to some of my questions now but the hole in my heart will be there for eternity. 

but, as God is my witness, I will continue to live my life and love that son who sits in that prison.  I will never give up hope and no matter how many times I rage at God, I still believe in Him and I know He's always there.

I've lost my parents and my grand babies over the years and I've also lost my son to the prison system.  I have two other children here who have a deep ache inside of them, as well as my husband who bottles up a lot.

In my darkest hour, I saw a light in my tunnel - this site - and the strangers I now call my family have lifted me up.  I've leaned on many shoulders and cried an ocean of tears and I offer my shoulder to lean on - always will.

Hugs, Eileen
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 8:52AM #9
spiritalk
Posts: 1,165
There was a story I heard not so long ago.  A young boy (10) was diagnosed with a terminal illness.  He had only months to live.  The family tried to make it the best time of all as his final hours.

In the meantime the mom had a heart attack and died on the table.  She visited the afterlife and found the beauty and love that permeates its atmosphere.  She was re-assured and realized he was going to a better place than the pain and suffering of earth life.  It helped her release him to the future adventure of the afterlife.

When anything happens in our life we assign 'blame' and God is the easiest target when death is the question.  God's love will survive this and He will remain steadfast for when you need it. 

Moving on takes a gargantuan step in faith and it will happen when you are ready.  We never forget.  The pain does decrease.  God created us this way.

Best promise of all.....you will meet your loved ones again.  They are only a heartbeat away.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 21, 2007 - 8:50PM #10
marcia728
Posts: 2
Hello
I am new to BN...  My daughter's best friends boyfriend was killed in an accident a month ago.  The boy was 18 years old.  My daughter and friend are 17..  How can I help these girls deal with their grief... It breaks my heart to see this kids have to be introduced to grief at such a young age.  My heart breaks for the family too... any words of advise.
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