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Switch to Forum Live View Why did my mom freak out so much when i told her that i was gay??
6 years ago  ::  Jan 21, 2012 - 10:00AM #1
Posts: 2
Ok when i told my mom i was gay she told me that she wishes that i was normal and that she wishes i was never born if she knew i was going to be gay...why did she freal out so much and when i talk to some other guys theor moms really dont dont know how bad this makes me feel!!!
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 21, 2012 - 3:13PM #2
Posts: 16,577


I am sorry about your mom.  Some people have been taught for a long time that being gay is a lifestyle choice.  Brainwashed, kind of.  So she might be feeling like she messed up somehow parenting you. She is also having to reimagine your/her future.  It is no longer going the way she planned.  In a way, her plans for you finding a girl and getting married and having kids just died. So she is grieving.

Some people get over this and start creating a new relationship and future.  Others have more trouble.  If there are other parents who could talk to her, or a gay supportive pastor, that might help. if you leave some PFLAG stuff laying around, she might ignore them at first but might sneak a peak later.

Remember, you have had more time to get used to this idea than she has.  Give her time, but keep yourself safe!  Being gay is a normal variation. Don't give up on yourself!

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 24, 2012 - 6:04PM #3
Posts: 21,796

(((((((Soph)))))) . I am sorry. But please follow REteachs advice  above. Please don't consider yourself anything but normal, because you are normal.

A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side. Aristotle
Never discourage anyone...who continually makes progress, no matter how slow. Plato..
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives" Jackie Robinson
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6 years ago  ::  Feb 03, 2012 - 2:29AM #4
Posts: 3,458

this is tough-and parents may react this way over many things.  My wife's parents disowned her for dating me, because i was Buddhist.  That was 8 years ago and they've never changed... but she has  alot for the positive.   While she was only 20, she was very immature at the time.

It's true, because you're gay, you're not "normal" - but only in the statistical sense, you are in the minority.  Past that, you could not qualify as "abnormal" in any other way-including likely the way she meant, which was more like 'wrong' I imagine.  And it's terrible what she said about not wanting you to be born-bigotry is an awful thing that destroys relationships.

I hope she wakes up to reality-that there is nothing wrong about you.  But it is just as likely that she'll never accept you.  All I can say is:  You've been given an opportunity to accept a truth of life:   You can only rely on yourself, and your view of you is the only one that matters.  Forget trying to help her come to reality-I suggest you find other gay men who have dealt with this and speak with them, I think you need support and if she cares, she'll figure it out.

don't ever compromise who you are-for anyone nor their delusions... or in this case, likely her IMAGE for pete's sake!  

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