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Switch to Forum Live View Polyamoury and sexism
3 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2011 - 2:43PM #1
rideronthastorm
Posts: 5,756
The way  it works is like this.Im in a Polyamourous relationship with my guyfriend  of 2 years. Hes  told  me over and  over I  can date who I want I  have  complete freedom in this friendship, were not  in love never will be just friends with  benefits and its sexually equal. Until the last year. Ive been dating only him, because I spend the night every weekend with him and have alot of physical problems  dont have the time and energy to go out with anyone else or get involved with anyone else, therefore 100 percent of all my socializing has been through him.

He on the other hand goes  out with other women, usually none of his relationships  with other women but  anyways he  goes out with other women and goes and socializes  and gets recreation through a bunch of other singles  groups through  meetup.com goups many I cant go to  because Im  the wrong age and dont fit in with his groups.Then  when it comes  to holidays and things like our winter holidays he likes me to do things  like go  to church with him and basically act as his wife, hes a master for a DandD game.

I cant  stand DandD I think its boring but yet because he wants me to support   him as a couple  a girlfriend; He wants me to go  anyways and learn the game anyways to support him  giving up my interests to get  involved with his. He likes to go to my family holidays and be a member  of my family for holidays ,have me  act the wifey  part at church with him.

Then when  we went to his bar where he plays at one of his  guyfriends showed me around the other day flirted with  me spent time talking to  me,  and all  of a sudden when he came  to take a break with me he introduced me to some of his friends as his girlfriend. To me it seems like he got  jealous and possesive on the  spot.

Ive  already talked all this over with him he completely denies it all together  he says im completely free to see whoever I  want. Now he reads beliefnet sometimes  and if he  reads this he shouldnt get  mad,I havnt broken up with him Im giving him a chance to  prove me wrong I hope he does I hope he makes a fool out of me. Anyways the point is I  dont believe in the type of polyamourous relationship I have with him anymore,Ive decided  to cut us back to only going out twice a month and  me going  out  with  other guys and joining other singles groups.

Im looking  around at other men now. The things of it  is to me a relationship in Polyamoury where the  man  gets to   go out with anyone he  wants and the woman stays true to him is  really just coming offas really sexist to   me

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3 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2011 - 3:21PM #2
rideronthastorm
Posts: 5,756

Not only is it an easy copout for a guy to be able to have a relationship with a woman where the woman plays the role of the wife and has no freedom while he gets to run around behind her back and have sex and then call it  an equal polyamourous relationship ;


But also he gets the benefit of a marriage. In  a marriage  theres  a sense of peace belonging at home, a family life having  the   support of your wifey, things like me  giving  up my  interests to play DandD to  support him.To me thats a thing a wife  does thats him getting the benefits of a marriage without marrying me,him being  able  to go out and and do what he wants to have sex with others while I play the role of June Cleaver Nope not gonna work for me.


But marriage for alot of people is a way a cheap way  of also  obtaining  sense of peace that comes from spirituality as well, a good sense  of well  being coming from the idea that  you have a home and family to  go home to , a  sense of  security someone to talk over things too someone  to make you look good at  church  to make you look like a family man even though your not its a big copout.


Im not doing it anymore. Im no longer comfortable in a polyamourous relationship where i play  the  role of the wifey and  I get to not have freedom of seeing other people and Im  not married  and he goes out  and does whatever  he wants. The only way  Ill go through with that is if the guy  wants to marry me and be financially responsible for me but my guyfriend  isnt financially responsible in any  way shape or form infact he hasnt spent any money  on mne lately either.So thats the end  of it, I no  longer show up with him as a couple anymore for him to  have that  benefit he needs to have me  move in with him or marry me or  be monogamous.


 


So this is how it is my new rules for Polyamoury. Either were both monogamous  or if were both polymourous then we both  get to go out and join our own groups  and see other people and have sex with other people,and no showing up at church or family functions as a couple,;Either or Ill be willing to stay monogamous while hes polyamourous and be his family  but only in a marriage situation,Id consider it if he were able to be completely financially responsible for me all together is really financially secure Ill consider it.


Thats my new rules,  but on  the  topic of sexism, I  can see now where polyamoury  can quickly become sexist.

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3 years ago  ::  Dec 05, 2011 - 3:23PM #3
rideronthastorm
Posts: 5,756

Hopfully my  guyfriend  will prove me wrong  and be happy with my new boundaries  if not then Ive been playing the fool.To me his roles is a friends  with benefits friend I hang out with twice a month end of story thats his role period.

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