Oct 30, 2010 -- 10:59PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:

John 3:18-21 "Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son.This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God."

Just taking the highlighted parts first;
I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God.

I did not always accept my homosexuality. I hid it in the darkness. I ran from it. I prayed hours upon hours that God would remove it from me. I went to church and pretended that I was okay, but everyone else there were straight and sinless, and they let me know over and over that if you are gay, you are going to hell. I realize now that if I hid my sexual orientation in the darkness, as many do, I would be lying. My sexual orientation is the truth of who I am.  I now accept me just the way God created me.

Oct 30, 2010 -- 10:59PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:

I have sinned.  I loved my darkness instead of the light.  I did evil and I didn't like what was shown in the light.  The Bible made me uncomfortable.  The Gospel had things in it that made me uncomfortable.

"All have sinned and fall short..." your are not unique here. The Pharisees thought that if they obeyed the commandments they weren’t sinning and therefore didn’t need a Savior. To achieve their position of authority, they had to have lived such an exemplary life as to appear nearly perfect. This focus on perfection in their behavior made them arrogant, unsympathetic.

Oct 30, 2010 -- 10:59PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:

But when God drew me to want to live by the truth, I put up with some of the discomfort, the challenge.  Things finally reached a crisis, and I confessed myself a miserable sinner, and then I struggled with that, but eventually came to have FAITH that I was forgiven and that God would work on me and transform me.

Everyone has their version of the truth. You interpret scripture one way, I interpret scripture another way. Is your way, your truth, more valid than mine? The Pharisees were compulsive about their behavior, applying the Law to the most minute things in their lives. Are you a modern day Pharisee?

Oct 30, 2010 -- 10:59PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:

Now the light looks different to me than it did before the crisis, when I was in transition, or during the crisis that brought me to faith.

Now that you are in the light, do you think those who do not think and/or believe as you do, are in darkness? Do you think you have a perfect understanding of scripture?

Oct 31, 2010 -- 1:09PM, dblad wrote:

I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the son of God.

I believe Jesus really rose from the dead, conquered sin and death, and will help me to obey Him, and I love what He did for me, I don't want to rationalize sexual immorality or other sins.

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Oct 31, 2010 -- 1:09PM, dblad wrote:

I did not always accept my homosexuality. I hid it in the darkness. I ran from it. I prayed hours upon hours that God would remove it from me.

I have prayed intensely for things, and sometimes God's answer was wait or 'trust me' or -- no.

When I've struggled with temptation of one kind or another, sometimes I was frustrated that I was still tempted, still falling short, and I lowered my standards, gave up.  Now I see that as having a bad attitude, I was caving in to sin just because it wasn't easy to resist it.

Oct 31, 2010 -- 1:09PM, dblad wrote:

I went to church and pretended that I was okay, but everyone else there were straight and sinless, and they let me know over and over that if you are gay, you are going to hell.

For either me or you or them, the issue is to renounce the sin, repent, ask forgiveness of Jesus, and have faith in His mercy and grace, whether you are continuing to struggle or whether your feel better about it or not.

Having temptations or one kind or another doesn't mean in and of itself that you are going to Hell.

Oct 31, 2010 -- 1:09PM, dblad wrote:

I realize now that if I hid my sexual orientation in the darkness, as many do, I would be lying.

I don't think it's everyone's business if I have a thought or feeling, a temptation for this  or that.  Such things do not define me.  I don't hide my lack of a sex life from people.

Oct 31, 2010 -- 1:09PM, dblad wrote:

My sexual orientation is the truth of who I am.

I know  that sex is just something a human being may do, and that the fantasies and thoughts are just there, wherever they tend to dwell, this way or that, and I am something much more than sex or the way my particular fantasies/thoughts/temptations manifest.

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Oct 31, 2010 -- 1:09PM, dblad wrote:

The Pharisees were compulsive about their behavior, applying the Law to the most minute things in their lives. Are you a modern day Pharisee?

Are you?  I know that I am a sinner. I do not fully love God with my whole heart, my whole mind, my whole soul, and I do not fully love my neighbor as myself.  I know that when I abstain from this or that sin, I am just doing what I ought to have done consistently from the beginning, I am just an unprofitable servant.  I need God's mercy and grace.  Jesus  died for my sins.  I don't want to rationalize homosexual sex or greed or lack of charity or arrogance in the name of free grace and forgiveness, because when I believe in my heart that grace and forgiveness cost the precious blood of Jesus on the cross.

Oct 31, 2010 -- 2:23PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:

...

I know  that sex is just something a human being may do, and that the fantasies and thoughts are just there, wherever they tend to dwell, this way or that, and I am something much more than sex or the way my particular fantasies/thoughts/temptations manifest.

No where in my post did I speak of SEX. I only spoke of sexual orientation. I said I was gay, I did not say i had sex with anyone.

Do you always think of SEX when you post about homosexuality?

Jesus said that even our thoughts would be held against us. Anger is as bad as murder, He said, lust is as bad as adultery. Jesus said that unless our righteousness exceeds that of the Pharisees we will certainly not enter the Kingdom.

I can not speak for you or anyone else. I can only speak for myself. If you think I am a sinner because I am gay, then you sin by judging me. If you think you, yourself are a sinner, then you must repeant and pray for forgivness, but you cannot judge me by your conscience.

Oct 31, 2010 -- 6:52PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:

When a stray thought bubbles up, I try not to dwell on it if involves resentment, hatred, greed, lust, envy, etc.

If I dwell, if the thought grows on my heart, I want to take a repentant attitude and pray about it.

If I feel tempted, I want to pray to find a way out of the temptation.

Sometimes such thoughts remind me that my heart is still such that I am vulnerable to sin, and I am reminded that it is by God's grace and mercy, not by my efforts to be perfect, that I have hope.

I don't think your problem has anything to do with sexual orientation. Perhaps you are a sex addict. At least that is what your post sounds like to me.

You keep projecting your guilt and shame onto those you preceive to be gay. That will not work. I recommend you get help ASAP from a qualified sex therapist.