In my younger days, I was a homophobe.  Why? Well, why not.  What little I knew about gays was basically snide remarks or references in fiction to faggots or queers.  I think my view of gays was kind of sweaty old fat perverts just walking around naked under trench coats.  I do remember gossip about a couple of girls in college who were seen kissing and hugging with a high "yuck" factor.

When the 80s and HIV came along, gays suddenly had a more personal face and more personal story.  Now they were lean young men.  Despite Anita Bryant, I shifted to more of a "well, what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is your business, but don't flaunt it" perspective.  I thought I was being quite open-minded.

However, as the decade advanced, I (gasp!) met some real gay people.  I knew them as "normal" people before I realized they were gay.  Some more stereotypes were challenged.  Not to mention that they were pretty much all women.  Carla and I became friends and talked about sexuality.  And played racquetball together and showered in the university's communal shower, too.  She talked about how hard it was to be viewed as weird when all she wanted was to be normal (she has now found happiness and has been partnered for over 10 years).  Around that time there were a couple of women in one of my graduate classes.  They were strong and no-nonsense women, and there were a couple (and still are after 24 years).  One day in class, homosexuality came up and there was a great deal of gay-bashing.  During break, I discovered one of them in the restroom, sobbing.  This was truly out of character and revealed the depth of the hurt.

Finally, as I mentioned before, one day I was walking downtown and holding my husband's hand and thinking about how good that felt, and I suddenly realized I was not treating my neighbor as myself.  It was OK for me to enjoy the comfort and closeness of holding hands, but if gays did it, that was flaunting.  The last wall, I think, came down then.

It was probably almost 20 years later that the discussion moved into our church.  It was at that time that I started looking more at the Bible (along with other members of my congregation.)  We discovered that the Bible was not so clear about condemning homosexuality as might have been thought. Indeed, even though Catholicism is in some ways a bastion of homophobia, there are actually pro-gay Catholic groups and ministries.  In fact, there are lots of Christians, individually and in denominations, who have finally shed homophobia and embraced loving ones neighbor as oneself--the most basic message of Jesus. 

Homophobia can be cured, both in the secular world, and in the religious sphere.  I am walking proof of that. 

I am bumping this up.

We are spending days and weeks argueing about what is "right or wrong" according to whomever, there is a deeper issue here.  Not about right or wrong.

We are all works in progress.  We choose to receive life lessons or reject these lessons.

Not all lessons are fun and happy.  Not all gifts are freely received. All are valid.

 It is hard to face the fact one is a racist, sexist, bigot.  Us humans pick on everything differnt.

It is also hard when one faces fear in other 'guises and hide it with booze and other drugs. And hide behind books and dogma to defend?

RE, I want to acknowledge your journey.  First step is noticing you are on one. I am too!

Next step is noticing you may be apart of a problem, and then taking baby steps to learn why, how and begin making amends. I do thtis every day, I can irritate a cat!

This sounds like a 12 step thing, but it is actually more than this, I am doing this to, it is a journey.

I know I am not in the same place mentally, spiritually or physically as I was 20 years ago.  I grew and am growing, and have learned other folk also learn and grow, or choose not to at this time.  There is that," choice" word again.

My love refers to this as "Karma" don't get it in this life, guess what? You get to do it again until you get "IT".

Learning to become filled with knowledge and power, love and acceptance, slowly knicks away at fear.

It is easier to numb out and point fingers out. yet absolutly rich when one looks in the mirror and finally sees the beauty within, then everyone else  is no longer a 'threat'.

No one  to fear .

Dar

If calling the destructive behavior of interpreting subjective feelings as Gods word, means labeling people as homophobes or bigots, or idolitors for putting the God in the mirror on a par with God, then so be it.  Perhaps this is why God gave them over to vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use [of being silent and subserviant] into that which is against nature [instructing men.] 

Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:13AM, faith713 wrote:

As Christians, we should trust in God's word of truth as opposed to our own subjective feelings. Calling destructive behavior right is certainly not loving others. Neither is labeling us homophobic or bigots.

Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:53AM, JCarlin wrote:

If calling the destructive behavior of interpreting subjective feelings as Gods word, means labeling people as homophobes or bigots, or idolitors for putting the God in the mirror on a par with God, then so be it.  Perhaps this is why God gave them over to vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use [of being silent and subserviant] into that which is against nature [instructing men.] 

Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:13AM, faith713 wrote:

As Christians, we should trust in God's word of truth as opposed to our own subjective feelings. Calling destructive behavior right is certainly not loving others. Neither is labeling us homophobic or bigots.

No, vile affections refers to homosexual behavior. The Bible should be the final authority for Christians of what is right or wrong. God's word is not confusion, homosexual behavior is a sin. Unrepentant sin leads to destruction. God will not be mocked:

On the road to ex -homophobia.

Recognize one is afraid of gay  people, note why, and think about why, then grow up.

Using books or other THINGS  as excuses for very poor behavior and failing to own up to the real issue in front and beside and in you does not work with me.

I own my poor behavior, god did not make me rude. I got angry. This is personal to me.  I am gay and being called names, beaten and discriminated against. My family  is also affected.  Oh ya, you ai'nt just hurting the queer, you are hurting her family and friends.  Weapons of mass distruction.

I am a PRACTICING PACIFIST, that means I am not perfect and will lash out too when threatened.

mama bear, so how to grow out of this phobia?

Recognize it is irrational.. Start there.  OOPS recognize the homophobia and start there!

Why are "straight people " ,afraid of other people who are not so "straight".

I am not going to change RE into a lesbian.  Would not want to, she can't turn me straight either.  And she sure can't help my grammer and spelling.

Dar