Post Reply
Page 1 of 15  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 15 Next
Switch to Forum Live View On the road to Ex-homophobia
4 years ago  ::  Oct 08, 2010 - 7:34PM #1
REteach
Posts: 14,450

In my younger days, I was a homophobe.  Why? Well, why not.  What little I knew about gays was basically snide remarks or references in fiction to faggots or queers.  I think my view of gays was kind of sweaty old fat perverts just walking around naked under trench coats.  I do remember gossip about a couple of girls in college who were seen kissing and hugging with a high "yuck" factor.


When the 80s and HIV came along, gays suddenly had a more personal face and more personal story.  Now they were lean young men.  Despite Anita Bryant, I shifted to more of a "well, what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is your business, but don't flaunt it" perspective.  I thought I was being quite open-minded.


However, as the decade advanced, I (gasp!) met some real gay people.  I knew them as "normal" people before I realized they were gay.  Some more stereotypes were challenged.  Not to mention that they were pretty much all women.  Carla and I became friends and talked about sexuality.  And played racquetball together and showered in the university's communal shower, too.  She talked about how hard it was to be viewed as weird when all she wanted was to be normal (she has now found happiness and has been partnered for over 10 years).  Around that time there were a couple of women in one of my graduate classes.  They were strong and no-nonsense women, and there were a couple (and still are after 24 years).  One day in class, homosexuality came up and there was a great deal of gay-bashing.  During break, I discovered one of them in the restroom, sobbing.  This was truly out of character and revealed the depth of the hurt.


Finally, as I mentioned before, one day I was walking downtown and holding my husband's hand and thinking about how good that felt, and I suddenly realized I was not treating my neighbor as myself.  It was OK for me to enjoy the comfort and closeness of holding hands, but if gays did it, that was flaunting.  The last wall, I think, came down then.


It was probably almost 20 years later that the discussion moved into our church.  It was at that time that I started looking more at the Bible (along with other members of my congregation.)  We discovered that the Bible was not so clear about condemning homosexuality as might have been thought. Indeed, even though Catholicism is in some ways a bastion of homophobia, there are actually pro-gay Catholic groups and ministries.  In fact, there are lots of Christians, individually and in denominations, who have finally shed homophobia and embraced loving ones neighbor as oneself--the most basic message of Jesus. 


Homophobia can be cured, both in the secular world, and in the religious sphere.  I am walking proof of that. 

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 09, 2010 - 8:17AM #2
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

Heterophobia can also be 'cured', learned about and dealt with.


As a baby dyke I was SO ANGRY.  I was very hurt, maligned, and I hid it too, I also spent time sobbing, still do. oh I hated "Breeders" that falunted their sexuality, when I did the same thing I got HURT. Physically, mentally, lost jobs and housing, even made the news!


Took me YEARS.  I went from a National activist to a neighborhood one, settled down and became a..(gasp) breeder.  A gay one, so I got a load of shit from the gay side too!


Yet I prevailed. Now I am going to write this... some of my closest friends are straight.


Yes, if us humans get over ourselves growth is possible.


Dar

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 27, 2010 - 8:30AM #3
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

I am bumping this up.


We are spending days and weeks argueing about what is "right or wrong" according to whomever, there is a deeper issue here.  Not about right or wrong.


We are all works in progress.  We choose to receive life lessons or reject these lessons.


Not all lessons are fun and happy.  Not all gifts are freely received. All are valid.


 It is hard to face the fact one is a racist, sexist, bigot.  Us humans pick on everything differnt.


It is also hard when one faces fear in other 'guises and hide it with booze and other drugs. And hide behind books and dogma to defend?


RE, I want to acknowledge your journey.  First step is noticing you are on one. I am too!


Next step is noticing you may be apart of a problem, and then taking baby steps to learn why, how and begin making amends. I do thtis every day, I can irritate a cat!


This sounds like a 12 step thing, but it is actually more than this, I am doing this to, it is a journey.


I know I am not in the same place mentally, spiritually or physically as I was 20 years ago.  I grew and am growing, and have learned other folk also learn and grow, or choose not to at this time.  There is that," choice" word again.


My love refers to this as "Karma" don't get it in this life, guess what? You get to do it again until you get "IT".


Learning to become filled with knowledge and power, love and acceptance, slowly knicks away at fear.


It is easier to numb out and point fingers out. yet absolutly rich when one looks in the mirror and finally sees the beauty within, then everyone else  is no longer a 'threat'.


No one  to fear .


Dar


 

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2010 - 11:13AM #4
faith713
Posts: 3,892

Oct 8, 2010 -- 7:34PM, REteach wrote:


In my younger days, I was a homophobe.  Why? Well, why not.  What little I knew about gays was basically snide remarks or references in fiction to faggots or queers.  I think my view of gays was kind of sweaty old fat perverts just walking around naked under trench coats.  I do remember gossip about a couple of girls in college who were seen kissing and hugging with a high "yuck" factor.


When the 80s and HIV came along, gays suddenly had a more personal face and more personal story.  Now they were lean young men.  Despite Anita Bryant, I shifted to more of a "well, what you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is your business, but don't flaunt it" perspective.  I thought I was being quite open-minded.


However, as the decade advanced, I (gasp!) met some real gay people.  I knew them as "normal" people before I realized they were gay.  Some more stereotypes were challenged.  Not to mention that they were pretty much all women.  Carla and I became friends and talked about sexuality.  And played racquetball together and showered in the university's communal shower, too.  She talked about how hard it was to be viewed as weird when all she wanted was to be normal (she has now found happiness and has been partnered for over 10 years).  Around that time there were a couple of women in one of my graduate classes.  They were strong and no-nonsense women, and there were a couple (and still are after 24 years).  One day in class, homosexuality came up and there was a great deal of gay-bashing.  During break, I discovered one of them in the restroom, sobbing.  This was truly out of character and revealed the depth of the hurt.


Finally, as I mentioned before, one day I was walking downtown and holding my husband's hand and thinking about how good that felt, and I suddenly realized I was not treating my neighbor as myself.  It was OK for me to enjoy the comfort and closeness of holding hands, but if gays did it, that was flaunting.  The last wall, I think, came down then.


It was probably almost 20 years later that the discussion moved into our church.  It was at that time that I started looking more at the Bible (along with other members of my congregation.)  We discovered that the Bible was not so clear about condemning homosexuality as might have been thought. Indeed, even though Catholicism is in some ways a bastion of homophobia, there are actually pro-gay Catholic groups and ministries.  In fact, there are lots of Christians, individually and in denominations, who have finally shed homophobia and embraced loving ones neighbor as oneself--the most basic message of Jesus. 


Homophobia can be cured, both in the secular world, and in the religious sphere.  I am walking proof of that. 




That's fine if you need to label yourself as an ex-homophobic, but labeling those who say homosexual sex is sin only seems to project your guilt and fear onto others.


As Christians, we should trust in God's word of truth as opposed to our own subjective feelings. Calling destructive behavior right is certainly not loving others. Neither is labeling us homophobic or bigots.


 

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."--John14:6

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.-- John 3:16

"We love Him because He first loved us."--1 John 4:9-10

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "
1 John 4:18
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2010 - 11:53AM #5
JCarlin
Posts: 6,535

If calling the destructive behavior of interpreting subjective feelings as Gods word, means labeling people as homophobes or bigots, or idolitors for putting the God in the mirror on a par with God, then so be it.  Perhaps this is why God gave them over to vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use [of being silent and subserviant] into that which is against nature [instructing men.] 


Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:13AM, faith713 wrote:

As Christians, we should trust in God's word of truth as opposed to our own subjective feelings. Calling destructive behavior right is certainly not loving others. Neither is labeling us homophobic or bigots.




J'Carlin
If the shoe doesn't fit, don't cram your foot in it and complain.
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 29, 2010 - 1:05PM #6
REteach
Posts: 14,450

Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:13AM, faith713 wrote:

That's fine if you need to label yourself as an ex-homophobic, but labeling those who say homosexual sex is sin only seems to project your guilt and fear onto others.




Jesus

Judge not



Seems to be quite the disagreement between faith and Jesus.  I'll take Jesus over faith any day.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 30, 2010 - 1:23PM #7
faith713
Posts: 3,892

Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:53AM, JCarlin wrote:


If calling the destructive behavior of interpreting subjective feelings as Gods word, means labeling people as homophobes or bigots, or idolitors for putting the God in the mirror on a par with God, then so be it.  Perhaps this is why God gave them over to vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use [of being silent and subserviant] into that which is against nature [instructing men.] 


Oct 29, 2010 -- 11:13AM, faith713 wrote:

As Christians, we should trust in God's word of truth as opposed to our own subjective feelings. Calling destructive behavior right is certainly not loving others. Neither is labeling us homophobic or bigots.







No, vile affections refers to homosexual behavior. The Bible should be the final authority for Christians of what is right or wrong. God's word is not confusion, homosexual behavior is a sin. Unrepentant sin leads to destruction. God will not be mocked:

Gal 6:7-8 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.

 

"Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me."--John14:6

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.-- John 3:16

"We love Him because He first loved us."--1 John 4:9-10

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear ... "
1 John 4:18
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 30, 2010 - 2:28PM #8
Yavanna
Posts: 3,149

I thought that not believing in Jesus Christ led to destruction? Now it's just sin in general? I'm so confused!


/end damsel in distress voice

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gloaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 30, 2010 - 2:35PM #9
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

On the road to ex -homophobia.


Recognize one is afraid of gay  people, note why, and think about why, then grow up.


Using books or other THINGS  as excuses for very poor behavior and failing to own up to the real issue in front and beside and in you does not work with me.


I own my poor behavior, god did not make me rude. I got angry. This is personal to me.  I am gay and being called names, beaten and discriminated against. My family  is also affected.  Oh ya, you ai'nt just hurting the queer, you are hurting her family and friends.  Weapons of mass distruction.


I am a PRACTICING PACIFIST, that means I am not perfect and will lash out too when threatened.


mama bear, so how to grow out of this phobia?


Recognize it is irrational.. Start there.  OOPS recognize the homophobia and start there!


Why are "straight people " ,afraid of other people who are not so "straight".


I am not going to change RE into a lesbian.  Would not want to, she can't turn me straight either.  And she sure can't help my grammer and spelling.


Dar

Quick Reply
Cancel
4 years ago  ::  Oct 30, 2010 - 2:42PM #10
TPaine
Posts: 9,308

Oct 30, 2010 -- 1:23PM, faith713 wrote:


No, vile affections refers to homosexual behavior. The Bible should be the final authority for Christians of what is right or wrong. God's word is not confusion, homosexual behavior is a sin. Unrepentant sin leads to destruction. God will not be mocked:

Gal 6:7-8 Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.
For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting.



If you want to take the words of Paul over the words of Jesus that's your business, but remember two things. Paul never met Jesus or heard him speak, and Paul preached with the same fanaticism as he had persecuted before his "conversion." A zealot may change sides in a dispute, but still remains a zealot. Further, there are additions made by scribes to the seven "Pauline" epistles actually written by Paul. An example is I Corinthians 14:33-36 which was added to the letter after the writing of the pseudepigraphic I & II Timothy, about 40 years after the death of Paul. In three Greek manuscripts those verses are found following I Corinthians 14:40, not 14:32.

"It is always to be taken for granted, that those who oppose an equality of rights never mean the exclusion should take place on themselves." -- Thomas Paine: Dissertations on First Principles of Government (July 7, 1795)
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 15  •  1 2 3 4 5 6 ... 15 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook