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4 years ago  ::  Sep 28, 2010 - 5:57PM #51
SquirleyWurley
Posts: 1,970

I'm not lonely, I'm just not having sex.

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4 years ago  ::  Sep 28, 2010 - 6:09PM #52
Sirronrex
Posts: 2,675

Sep 28, 2010 -- 5:57PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:


I'm not lonely, I'm just not having sex.






Keep lying to yourself. I couldn't care less. You get all the misery you deserve.


 


Meanwhile, I'll be making love to my partner on a regular basis and basking in the joy and passion God has blessed us with.


Good produces good. Good cannot produce evil.


Joy, passion, peace, comfort, unity, compassion, caring, gentleness, kindness, togetherness, cooperation, trust, honor, dignity, respect, bonding, altrusim, forgiveness, gratitude, happiness, sincerity, virtuousness, wonder, love....


That's a quick list of the products of the relationship I share with my partner and the sex we have to express our love for one another.


I'm still waiting for you, SW, to provide just one example of a good fruit produced by the Christian teaching homosexual sex is a sin.

I've been on a journey to nowhere...
and know that's the best place to be...
now...here...




If my faith isn't leading me inward, then my faith is leading me astray.

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4 years ago  ::  Sep 28, 2010 - 6:27PM #53
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

I am also not lonely and will continue to make love with my partner.


Misery is a choice, I choose love it brings me joy and peace.


Dar

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2010 - 3:29PM #54
Yavanna
Posts: 3,149

Sep 28, 2010 -- 5:57PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:


I'm not lonely, I'm just not having sex.





All right I'm curious. Do you still consider yourself gay or do you consider it a struggle? If the latter, do you associate the action of sex to equate to orientation?

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gloaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2010 - 4:54PM #55
SquirleyWurley
Posts: 1,970

No, I do not consider myself gay anymore, and I no longer consider it a struggle.


I do not associate my identity with either the sexual orientation of momentary fantasies/temptations/urges or sex acts, toward either sex, whether past, present, or future.

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2010 - 5:18PM #56
Yavanna
Posts: 3,149

I see. So you consider yourself "cured" and you no longer suffer temptation, whatsoever, on any level?

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gloaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2010 - 5:56PM #57
REteach
Posts: 14,789

Oct 6, 2010 -- 4:54PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:


No, I do not consider myself gay anymore, and I no longer consider it a struggle.


I do not associate my identity with either the sexual orientation of momentary fantasies/temptations/urges or sex acts, toward either sex, whether past, present, or future.




Hmmm.  I know I am heterosexual.  It is one of many things about me, like my height, hair color, skin tones, etc.  It is not defining, but it is clearly part of who I am.  I do have to wonder if it is wise to close down a part of who one is.  Michael Jackson apparently decided he was not going to be defined as a black person, but I'm not sure the surgery and skin lightening accomplished what he hoped.  


If it works, fine.  I just hope you stay OK.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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4 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2010 - 9:45PM #58
Sirronrex
Posts: 2,675

Oct 6, 2010 -- 4:54PM, SquirleyWurley wrote:


No, I do not consider myself gay anymore, and I no longer consider it a struggle.



I am a totally, rip-roaring, out and OUT, screaming faggot QUEEN!


The only people who struggle with that are bigots and confused gay people.


Certainly it isn't me. And it never was me that struggled with that.


I struggled with all of the rubbish religion taught me. Most especially, I struggled with the teaching homosexual sex is a sin. I struggled with it because it sought only to rob me of who I really am. My struggle did nothing but confuse me and cause me to feel isolated and alone...separated from God. It was when I surrendered to the teaching, that I found solace and serenity. It is only in sobriety that I was able to find the strength and the voice to lead my way. It is only in the clarity of sobriety that I found Me...who I really am. I chose to surrender to the teaching, instead of surrendering who I really am to it. I couldn't surrender who I really am to a teaching. Sobriety showed me I had surrendered who I really am to alcohol and drugs. I chose to no longer surrender who I really am to a teaching. My experience of God is inter-connected with my experience of who I really am. The more I learn and understand about me...and Me...the more I feel I understand God...the more I feel I understand love.


 


 


I do not associate my identity with either the sexual orientation of momentary fantasies/temptations/urges or sex acts, toward either sex, whether past, present, or future.



Celibacy is a fine and noble path.


But only if one follows it because their heart tells them to.


Celibacy by any other means is, in my opinion, abusive.

Moderated by Jcarlinbn on Oct 06, 2010 - 10:35PM

I've been on a journey to nowhere...
and know that's the best place to be...
now...here...




If my faith isn't leading me inward, then my faith is leading me astray.

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 06, 2010 - 11:30PM #59
darcamani
Posts: 2,152

LOL, I am so gay I can't even park straight!  Rip roaring dyke here, always have been, christian or not.  Even when I chose to be celibate, still a dyke.  My kids know I am a dyke, my colleagues know I am a dyke, my partner, thank goodness knows I am a dyke. I am OUT.   OUT! OUT! I busted down the closet door over 30 years ago now.  Have lived honestly with all its' sometimes very dangerous consequences thrown at me by people who are threatened by my honesty.


Religion is not going to change who I am.


I can't suddenly become "straight". "Oh I am not like 'that' anymore.  Because the bible says... it don't work that way.


I have no 'struggle' with my sexuality, never have.  I tried to 'fit in' but honesty won.  It did not take me long, thank goodness.


I love being a cave dyke, living any other way would be living a lie.  That is actually mentioned in the Top Ten. 


C'mon!


Dar

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4 years ago  ::  Oct 07, 2010 - 11:53PM #60
SquirleyWurley
Posts: 1,970

Oct 6, 2010 -- 5:18PM, Yavanna wrote:


I see. So you consider yourself "cured" and you no longer suffer temptation, whatsoever, on any level?




I don't think of myself as 'cured' or 'uncured', 'gay' or 'ex-gay', 'bi' or 'strait', I'm just a human being.


In the past I have had sexual relationships with both men and women.  For a considerable time I considered myself gay.


Sure sometimes I'm tempted to dwell upon the image of an attractive man in my mind, or to continue with a day-dream or crude thought of some kind that pops into my head, or to participate in crude comments or jokes that people make.  Nowadays, thankfully, once I catch myself doing it I am easily able to stop it.  Such images/thoughts/whatever, are just blips on the radar screen.  They don't define me, they don't control me, thank God.


There's been times when a woman walks by and something about her leads my mind to dwell on certain aspects of her physique, and the same strategies apply.


=====


But here's the thing, it's where my heart is.  If my  heart wants masturbation, crude joking, porn, fornication, gay sex, to some degree, that will make it difficult to resist.  My heart will supply a motivation for a rationalization or I'll get lazy.  I need God to transform my heart.  I need God's Grace.  There's times where I realized my ambivalence, and I prayed for God to change my heart.  If I do not have faith in victory over sin, where does that leave me: faithless, unfaithful, to that degree.  If I turn a failure into a pity party well who do I think I am?  I'm a sinner, I need to repent, ask forgiveness, move on in Grace.


=====


At first I committed somewhat to not dwelling on sexual ideas, not masturbating.  Then after some waffling, I re-committed more strongly, with a different attitude: less pressure, but more determined, if that way of wording it makes sense.


Other attitude adjustments: no need for the type of guilt that demoralizes or leads to saying 'this is pointless' or 'I might as well give in'.  Many months went by.  Then for some reason I was strongly tempted and was probably half-hearted about dealing with it, and then  I was overwhelmed with fantasies and gave in.  But instead of being crushed, I repented, and re-committed.  At first I felt like I lacked discipline, but then I remembered, defeatist guilt was a trap, and I needed the Grace of God to succeed against sin, my pride in my discipline (revealed when I failed) was another trap.  So I learned something and months go by, no masturbation.


Today I don't miss masturbation.  I pray to God that tomorrow I'm spared from temptation.  If I am tempted, I need the Grace of God to resist, to look for the way out of temptation, the way out from sin.

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