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8 years ago  ::  May 22, 2010 - 2:54AM #1
Posts: 3

A lot of people might say that I'm making a big deal out of this, that I should just chill.  Nevertheless, it does genuinely bother me.  A few years ago, I worked with what could only be described as difficult moronic juvenile in a man's body.  Out of the clear blue he asked me if I was a virgin.  I told him that it was not his business, and he just go defensive, as if I was the one with a problem.  He actually told me he wasn't trying to get personal, as if it was no big deal and asking such a question isn't personal.  Again like a teenager, he tried to show me filth on his cell phone, asking what kind of sex acts I was into, etc.  His girlfriend did the same thing within one minute of even meeting me.  Again the same exact thing.  To this day, I am furious that I did not just tell the boss, and have him canned.  What is more, I am pushing thirty, but due to this and other similar experiences, I feel like a teenager in high school, afraid of being singled out.  People go on and on about sex.  Yet if their sex lives are so wonderful, why talk about it all the time.  What is more, if they believe in live and let live, why then must people who are not overly sexual be questioned?  Why do people think they have the right to know such things?

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8 years ago  ::  May 22, 2010 - 5:30PM #2
Posts: 2,849

I’m sorry you must endure such boorish behavior.

Might suggest that you familiarize yourself with the laws in your state regarding sexual harassment. Same with the policies at your place of employment. Makes it easier to report such things if you understand exactly what constitutes harassment and what you need to say and do - and whom to report such activity. This way you’ll be armed with knowledge should you encounter this in your workplace again.

FYI: In my state, California, not reporting such incidents can land you in trouble. Don’t know if this is true in other states.

And why do folks seem to only have sex on the brain? Cuz they haven’t the ability to converse on any other topic. Rather pathetic really. They don't know how to communicate in any other manner. And that will limit their opportunities (professional and social) in life.

And you should never, no matter what the topic, have to reveal information that makes you uncomfortable. Your business is yours to share with whom you choose. Such questions cross the line of decent behavior. Avoid such people as best you can (yeah, hard to do when you must work with them- that's why you need to know the harassment laws and subsequently must report such incidents).

My semi-polite response to inappropriate questions is to feign shock and utter "I can't imagine any reason why you need to know such information!" Then walk away- conversation over.


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8 years ago  ::  May 22, 2010 - 8:46PM #3
Posts: 15

Jas, and Irene,

I have had this problem at a former job.  My boss (the owner) of the place I worked, kept putting his hands on my butt, up my skirt, and up my shirt on my breasts.  I was only 22 or 23, do I did not understand the laws in my state.  I spoke with 2 other gals I worked with and shared with them what was going on after they found me in the office, crying.  They shared with me that he had done the same thing to them as well.  We teamed up, and learned minnesota laws on harrassment laws at work.  Minnesota didn't have alot of reprecussions for this kind of thing at the time, however, IDQ did (we learned this later).

We told his wife when she came in later that day, she cut all of our hours way back, to when she was there, and he wasn't, then, she filed for divorce.  In the divorce, she got the business, the private plane, the boat, the house, and the kids.  He got a tent, and the beater of a car.  All of us  girls got offered our regular hours back, but had already found other employment by then.

My advice to you is If you have very few, if any reprecussions, go to the authorities, or the spouce.

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8 years ago  ::  May 26, 2010 - 12:23PM #4
Posts: 2,849

Nicely done, Tammy!



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8 years ago  ::  May 27, 2010 - 3:14PM #5
Posts: 3,149

I would not advise going to the spouse. Go to the proper authorities. Going to the spouse may constitute as harrassment itself and open you up for a counter-suit.

The dwarves of yore made mighty spells,
While hammers fell like ringing bells
In places deep, where dark things sleep,
In hollow halls beneath the fells.

For ancient king and elvish lord
There many a gloaming golden hoard
They shaped and wrought, and light they caught
To hide in gems on hilt of sword.
- J.R.R. Tolkien
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7 years ago  ::  Dec 19, 2010 - 2:14PM #6
Posts: 46

I'm wanting to go and join support groups online.  I tried the sexual harassment support group, but am having trouble with the site.  Anyone got any ideas of other groups i could go to. 

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