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8 years ago  ::  Feb 21, 2010 - 8:41PM #11
Estime
Posts: 367

Feb 20, 2010 -- 2:31PM, Ageo wrote:


Feb 20, 2010 -- 2:21PM, Estime wrote:


Feb 20, 2010 -- 1:58PM, Ageo wrote:


Oct 24, 2009 -- 12:19AM, Honestade wrote:


 



I recently found out that my ex boyfriend posted a video of me on a pornographic website meant to exploit exes. He sent me an email under the guise that he discovered this video online and wanted to warn me- but I know that he did this and this is just his manipulative way of trying to still hurt me.  I have never consented to being video taped during sex.  One of the many reasons for my break up with the ex was that he was addicted to pornography. I've been out of this relationship for over 3 years now but he continues to harass me. I've only been with 2 men in my life (my ex and my fiance) so I'm certain that it's my ex that did this.


The police are not helpful at this point:(

Can anyone give me any advice in the following areas: 

1. How do I get this video off the web? I tried joining this disgusting site so that I could contact their customer service- but that was a dead end. 

2. How can I legally get him to pay for this? I'm so angry and hurt by this.

3. Does anyone know of any organizations that help women in my situation? I feel totally exploited, harrassed and hurt by this and I don't know what to do. 

Thank you.



 




I'm sorry to hear of what this man did.  May he be disciplined for his ways.  May you learn from your poor decisions also.


In a place of whoremongers, and whores, you are not alone.


Is one that whores himself to a company, and oppresses the poor any less or greater than you?


Right is right.  Wrong is wrong.


Look to the intentions behind your sorrows.


1 anger for the video


1.1 Why am I angry?


1.1.1 I didn't give him permission to do that.  He shared intimate moments of my life with others that are strangers.  I feel violated.


1.1.1.1 Why do I feel violated?


1.1.1.1.1 I trusted that man, and he abused my trust.


1.1.1.1.1.1 Why did I trust him?


1.1.1.1.1.1.1 I wanted to feel close to him.  I wanted to love, and be loved.


1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1 Why did I want closeness, and love?


1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1.1 I enjoy love.  I want enjoyment!


What may be learned?  How can enjoyment and love be fulfilled?


If you say "I slept with him because A, and B."  Then A and B are your causes.  Your causes were unfulfilling to you, and others.  Repent your ways, and you may find peace.  You have good intentions for A and B, yet they are beneath what you have learned, and known.  Seek fulfilling actions that bring fruits from your labors that nourish others.  As you nourish others in wholesome ways, so too may you be nourished.


Forgive the man that hurt you.  What is done, is past and gone.  For all the anger, hate, and vegeance in the world will not restore the trust he took, and remove the sorrow he brought with his lying ways.  You are angry from trusting.  Yet, it is good to trust, and develop trust.  May this fall be a way for you to learn to walk.  May you see with humility that many women have sorrows, and they can change as you.  May none of your children, or your family follow in the ways of that man of iniquity, by learning from the hurt it caused you.  May you find happiness with truthful people, that give without an expectation to receive later.





That sounds like a bad episode of Kung Fu. I hate it when people try to spiritualize unspiritual things. The guy was scum. He doesn't need forgiveness, he needs to learn accountability for his actions so he'll stop hurting others.


Everything in its RIGHT place and time. And trying to heap 'shame on you' advice on this woman but advocating forgiveness for the poor little old guy is a completely unfair and unbalanced approach. He betrayed and violated a trust in the worst possible way, and he should be in jail.


All she did was trust the wrong person. It's hardly her fault she was born into a society that encourages women to do this and then blames them when they do. The post above is plain proof of that: Forgive the man that hurt you.  What is done, is past and gone.  For all the anger, hate, and vegeance in the world will not restore the trust he took, and remove the sorrow he brought with his lying ways.  You are angry from trusting.  Yet, it is good to trust, and develop trust. 


On the one hand she's told she needs to be trusting, on the other that she needs to forgive someone who plainly cannot be trusted and just let it go, and let HIM go on with no consequences for what he's done. In other words, "Go out and keep being a sap, you dumb loser. Let's see how long we can keep you running in circles while we take advantage of your confusion!"


And all phrased very 'spiritually' in order to create the greatest possible confusion. Too bad that false counselors can't be held accountable for THEIR actions in online communities.




She is the one that needs forgiveness, for her own self.  Holding on to the hurt caused by that man will not lead to more joy, or trust.  She may learn from what happened.  She had good intentions behind her actions.  The man needs discipline, as I said.  His ways are not good for him, or others.


I was beaten in a circle by people laughing.  Must I hate all people that form circles and laugh?  I forgive those people that hurt me, because I see that holding on to the hurt they gave me, does not lead to more joy and happiness for me, and others.


A hurt could be thought of like a knife.  One stabbed with a knife, and kept the knife in the wound.  It stopped the blood, and the knife could defend.  Yet, one comes along, and reminds of the attacker.  They had not attacked, and the knife was used for defense, for no just cause.  To forgive one may give away the knives, and harm done.  With understanding, by learning that the joy and happiness sought, will not be found with knives.  Who can love one with many wounds from others that have not healed?  Why live for those that hurt, when you can live for joy?


Do my words make sense now?  I am not advocating harm or blame of this woman.  What is done is done.





No, your words don't make sense. They sound like the mix of bad pop psychology and pop theology you can hear out of the mouth of any drunk  in a bar. Forgiveness was never meant to replace justice. And no, she does not 'need it for her own self'. To assume that as a universal for people you don't even know is presumptuous and controlling. What she DOES need, what we ALL need, is JUSTICE, so that we can feel safe in the world. Even from people in circles.


Scripture actually teaches that, except in cases where the person who hurt us was ignorant of what he was doing, we are to forgive those who sincerely ASK our forgiveness, we are never told we have to forgive those who don't. God Himself does not forgive until we ask: the idea that He would set a higher standard for us than He holds Himself to is arrogance masquerading as humility--therefore false spirituality.


Forgiveness is meant to be a reparative step in the process of someone who is TRYING to make his life right, not someone who won't. For such people the only thing that may change them is reaping the consequences of their own actions. Even psychology teaches that those who deliberately hurt others with no remorse are budding psychopaths, and the only means to deal with such people is to make it painful for them to do the things they try to do.


Scripture agrees: "Because sentence on an evil deed is not executed speedily, it is FULLY SET IN THE HEART OF A MAN TO DO EVIL." Read ALL the verses pertaining to a subject, not  just those you like.


Attitudes like yours only add to the problem by letting people go on in a course that is harmful, thinking there are no consequences for what they do. I have dealt with many, many parents who have brought their kids up this way, only to wonder later on why the kid ends up in prison or dead. The reason they do is that the consequences of their actions have finally caught up with them.


And they WILL catch up, though it may take a while. And their lives will be completely destroyed, as will the lives of all those they meet.


But hey, at least they'll have been 'forgiven' by mommy and daddy, right? Maybe that can keep them warm in the jail cell or the grave, as they sit there and wonder why no one loved them enough to teach them there were consequences for what they did. Sounds like pretty poor comfort to me though. I believe I'd want to shoot a parent who 'forgave' me so well.

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8 years ago  ::  Feb 21, 2010 - 9:11PM #12
Ageo
Posts: 453

Feb 21, 2010 -- 8:41PM, Estime wrote:


No, your words don't make sense. They sound like the mix of bad pop psychology and pop theology you can hear out of the mouth of any drunk  in a bar. Forgiveness was never meant to replace justice. And no, she does not 'need it for her own self'. To assume that as a universal for people you don't even know is presumptuous and controlling. What she DOES need, what we ALL need, is JUSTICE, so that we can feel safe in the world. Even from people in circles.


Scripture actually teaches that, except in cases where the person who hurt us was ignorant of what he was doing, we are to forgive those who sincerely ASK our forgiveness, we are never told we have to forgive those who don't. God Himself does not forgive until we ask: the idea that He would set a higher standard for us than He holds Himself to is arrogance masquerading as humility--therefore false spirituality.




You say that my words don't make sense to you, and yet you chastise me as though you understand why I said what I did.


If you don't understand, and what I said does not make sense, why do you not ask questions?  I was not trying to be hurtful.  You assumed malice where there was none.


Here is why I say she should forgive:


3 paths:


A.


1. she is hurt by her boyfriend


2. her boyfriend repents, and asks for forgiveness.  He explains what he learned, and his sorrows when considering her ways.


3. she forgives her boyfriend.  This is a choice within her.  All of her thoughts, and actions that flow from forgiveness stem from her.


4. she is able to face similar situations that may lead to loss again, and find love that is truly fulfilling


 


B.


1. she is hurt by her boyfriend


2. her boyfriend dies


3. she wallows, in fear, angry, and hurt.  Every potential joy, is a potential loss.  Anger arises...


4. ?


 


C.


1. she his hurt by her boyfriend


2. she recognizes that he lied, and her intentions were good behind wanting a loving relationship.  She learns from the hurt so that she may avoid it, and forgives the man that hurt her.  As the son said "forgive them for they know not what they do."


3. she is open to situations that may lead to potential sorrow, as with the man that hurt her.  She faces this, because she knows that she wants joy.  She does not forget the harm done, and she seeks good ways, so that she may know a good relationship.  If a new man reminds her of the man that hurt her, she may not treat the new man with hate.  Why should a new man be treated as the one that hurt her?  He did nothing wrong to her.  Why should she live for the sorrow of a hurtful person?


Peace

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8 years ago  ::  Feb 22, 2010 - 4:46AM #13
Estime
Posts: 367

Feb 21, 2010 -- 9:11PM, Ageo wrote:


Feb 21, 2010 -- 8:41PM, Estime wrote:


No, your words don't make sense. They sound like the mix of bad pop psychology and pop theology you can hear out of the mouth of any drunk  in a bar. Forgiveness was never meant to replace justice. And no, she does not 'need it for her own self'. To assume that as a universal for people you don't even know is presumptuous and controlling. What she DOES need, what we ALL need, is JUSTICE, so that we can feel safe in the world. Even from people in circles.


Scripture actually teaches that, except in cases where the person who hurt us was ignorant of what he was doing, we are to forgive those who sincerely ASK our forgiveness, we are never told we have to forgive those who don't. God Himself does not forgive until we ask: the idea that He would set a higher standard for us than He holds Himself to is arrogance masquerading as humility--therefore false spirituality.




You say that my words don't make sense to you, and yet you chastise me as though you understand why I said what I did.


If you don't understand, and what I said does not make sense, why do you not ask questions?  I was not trying to be hurtful.  You assumed malice where there was none.


No, you're the one who is assuming. I KNOW why you said what you said: because like the rest of this society you have been brainwashed with a lot of high-sounding garbage that doesn't really work in real life. What it DOES do is allow people who really don't want the responsibility of taking a stand against evil to wimp out and make themselves look like they're heroes instead of the cowards they really are.


When we're kids, this is understandable: it's all we know because it's all we've been taught. But at some point, we should grow up enough to stop and think for ourselves for a change. Sadly, for some of us being lazy and cowardly is preferred.


Here is why I say she should forgive:


3 paths:


A.


1. she is hurt by her boyfriend


2. her boyfriend repents, and asks for forgiveness.  He explains what he learned, and his sorrows when considering her ways.


3. she forgives her boyfriend.  This is a choice within her.  All of her thoughts, and actions that flow from forgiveness stem from her.


4. she is able to face similar situations that may lead to loss again, and find love that is truly fulfilling


 Her boyfriend not only DIDN'T repent, he continued to harrass her long after they broke up. So why are you bringing this up as if it had any relevance at all when it's obvious to anyone living in the REAL WORLD that it doesn't?


B.


1. she is hurt by her boyfriend


2. her boyfriend dies


3. she wallows, in fear, angry, and hurt.  Every potential joy, is a potential loss.  Anger arises...


4. ?


 Who are YOU to declare that she has to 'wallow in fear, angry and hurt'? I don't know who gave you the idea that you personally speak for the emotions of the rest of the world, but you seriously need cluing in that you DON'T. Once again, this is not a real world answer, nor is it in any way applicable here.


C.


1. she his hurt by her boyfriend


2. she recognizes that he lied, and her intentions were good behind wanting a loving relationship.  She learns from the hurt so that she may avoid it, and forgives the man that hurt her.  As the son said "forgive them for they know not what they do."


And you honestly think a man who put revealing pictures he took of her without her knowledge or permission out on the web, then called her to let her know about it, doesn't know what he's doing? Here again you are only taking the part of scripture that YOU happen to like.


While Christ DID say this about the Romans who were manipulated by the religious leaders into crucifying Him, He did NOT say this about those same religious leaders. In fact, just a short time before His crucifixion, He stated that if the blind led the blind both would fall into a ditch and was asked by those religious leaders, "Are we blind also?"


His answer is telling: "You say 'We see' therefore YOUR SIN REMAINS." No, they did NOT get forgiven by Christ, and He made no bones about it. So, sorry, but the one-size-fits-all-Snuggie-of-forgiveness which you would LIKE us to believe Christ dropped over people simply DOES NOT EXIST outside the confines of your own mind and the minds of those who, like you, only show half the picture scripture actually paints on the subject of forgiveness and accountability/justice.


Evil flourishes when good men do nothing. Frankly, those who allow evil to flourish when they COULD do something can hardly be truthfully described as anywhere near being 'good'--or even decent impersonators of human beings. Once again you have nothing whatsoever realistic to say.


3. she is open to situations that may lead to potential sorrow, as with the man that hurt her.  She faces this, because she knows that she wants joy.  She does not forget the harm done, and she seeks good ways, so that she may know a good relationship.  If a new man reminds her of the man that hurt her, she may not treat the new man with hate.  Why should a new man be treated as the one that hurt her?  He did nothing wrong to her.  Why should she live for the sorrow of a hurtful person?


EVERY situation we face may lead to potential sorrow: you don't have to be a sap in order to bring that about--although it can't be denied that it helps. And sorry, the assumption always painted by people who try to sell this religious tripe that one can never know joy unless he lets himself BE a sap or a doormat is nothing but a lie. I've dealt with people enough to know this to be true.


People who live this way are miserable and desperately trying to tell themselves and convince those around them that all is right with their world because they mouth these pietist chants like some incantation God must make come true if they chant it long enough. They need to read scripture's words that we will NOT be heard by God because of our long speeches. Certainly not our chants, since He is the God of His promise, not the God of our incantations. And such people either eventually fall away from the pseudo-god they have created or succumb to the basic dishonesty of it and begin just playing the game--and playing those around them.


Of course, there are a few different kinds of 'counselors' out there:


1. Those who are ignorant about life, never having really examined what they've been TAUGHT to see if it was true--this person cannot live under God's blessing, simply because HIS WORD tells us to 'prove (or test) ALL THINGS and hold fast what is good'. A lot of things man says are good are not good. There is a way that SEEMS right to a man, but the end thereof is death.


Peter spoke to Christ about the highest thing a MAN could perceive of in saying of Christ's suffering and death, "Lord, far be this from You!" What greater desire could a man have for a friend than that he not suffer? Yet Christ told him "Get behind me, Satan!" And then He went on to define how we can speak the words of Satan and not even know it: "For you speak the things that BE OF MEN and not the THINGS THAT BE OF GOD."


You don't have to speak in demonic tongues to talk like the devil. All you have to do is talk like everyone around you talks: 'the things that be of men'. And as Peter was told by Christ to strengthen his brethren after he was FULLY CONVERTED--implying he was NOT--so these types have to wake up if they are ever to walk truly and faithfully with God and their fellowman. If they don't, they will eventually slip into the next category:


2. Those who know full well what they are saying is hogwash and still put it out anyway for their own gain. These are called by scripture 'false shepherds'. And they sell more books than any other source in this country, they have more TV shows, more pulpits and more hot air in online forums. They have ruined countless lives so that they might have just one moment of pleasure themselves. They are punks. But there is another kind of shepherd--though he seems to be almost extinct:


3. True shepherds. These are those who will tell people the truth because they know the truth may hurt for the moment, but it will save us enormous pain in the long run if we listen to it. And being liked or 'thought well of' is never first on their personal agenda. In fact their Leader once said, "Woe to you when all men speak well of you." They know this and accept it as part of the cost of walking in truth WITH that Leader.


And THAT man is a man who will be persecuted, gainsaid, lied to and about, but he would not give up the peace CHRIST gives him one moment to escape a whole lifetime of suffering for the truth. I've dealt with hundreds who think like you express yourself here, and helped them pick up the pieces of their lives when the lies they'd been taught as 'truth' shattered around them. I knew what you'd say before you said it, because I have heard it too many times.


Sadly, most of them are so proud of their pseudo-spirituality, and so sure that the misled majority HAS to be right about what they've been told all thier lives, that they will never listen until it is too late and their lives are already destroyed. And in the meantime they help destroy the lives of others around them as they go on speaking what SOUNDS GOOD but ISN'T, rather than getting off their spiritual keisters and PROVING ALL THINGS.


Peace


What do you know of peace? TRUE peace cannot be found outside the TRUTH.





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8 years ago  ::  Feb 22, 2010 - 7:17PM #14
Estime
Posts: 367

Ageo, I see your email, but since some people in online forums can't take criticism--even if they are flat out rude and deceptive themselves--past experience has taught me not to open emails from even people in them I think I know well.


There is nothing you have to say to me which cannot be said here.

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7 years ago  ::  Nov 02, 2010 - 7:56AM #15
Mahadiesh
Posts: 1

really i can feel your pain ,, my big brother have a real computer skills so i can tell him if there is way to pick out this record ,,,, 


respect & love 


mahadi1917@hotmail.com 

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