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Switch to Forum Live View Things you want the other gender to know....
6 years ago  ::  Oct 07, 2008 - 9:36PM #1
Beautiful_Dreamer
Posts: 5,163
I am aware that I am probably opening up a can of worms here, but I want to mention that I would rather this thread not go into the gutter right away...or, not prematurely. :) I thought of this after hearing a radio show about the subject and having discussions with friends.

What are some things that you know, and you wish the other gender would know? I mean things you have noticed in relationships, or in just general conversation, or whatever.

I'll start.

I want men to know that just because I like something doesn't mean that I want it all the time. This can be applied to so many things, but my experience with this misunderstanding is mostly physical/sexual. For instance, I have had several boyfriends who thought that just because I like being touched in a certain way, that I *always* want to be touched in that way, and they say I am 'inconsistent' or 'confusing' (I have also heard 'a tease' or worse) when I say no.  In reality, I might like what they are proposing, but it may not be the right time or place.  Some things are private, and some things you sort of have to be in the mood for. My husband playing with my bra strap might not be something I would want when I am trying to sleep, for instance, or trying to get a report done that is due the next morning. Some things might work well in some places or around some people, but not others.  And sometimes you just want to do something else.

I guess a good analogy would be drinks; I love Irish coffee, but I wouldn't really think to ask for that at a dinner meeting for work. I am all for joking around and can actually have a sort of risque sense of humor, so it isn't that I don't know how to laugh or anything.  But I probably would not watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force* with my 2-year-old nephews in the room, since they are starting to pick up things they hear now and some of the language wouldn't be the best for them to learn.:)

In talking to other women I know, it seems that I am not alone in this. Men I have asked say that they assume that we want something we like all the time because *they* do. My husband might be the oddity in that way because he likes silly conversations, but would often rather not have one when he is deep in watching TV (the Presidential Debates in the background right now, for instance). But then, I heard the former response more often when I was younger, while my husband and I are 31 and 32, respectively. So that could mean something too.

Anyway, that's one thing for me. I wish that more men would understand that, just because a woman likes something, doesn't mean she wants it all the time.  She is not automatically being a 'tease' or manipulating or being inconsistent when she finds time and place to be an important consideration, or when she simply doesn't feel like it. It doesn't mean she doesn't like/love you, it doesn't mean she is not attracted to you or anything personal at all. Sometimes she just might want to do/talk about something else.

So, what are some things you would like the other sex to know? I am not talking about makeout-technique things so much as social-interaction things, or common misconceptions you see. For instance, when it comes to cologne there *can* be too much of a good thing! :) Stuff like that.

Your turn...



* Aqua Teen Hunger Force is on Adult Swim on Cartoon Network...very bizarre, and very much NOT for kids! :)
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 08, 2008 - 11:53AM #2
Lonesentinel
Posts: 2,423
Alright,

First off, I'd like to say as a man, I wish more women would explain themselves like you just did!  Most men appreciate straightforwardness from their partners in the way you just presented yourself.  That type of talk is worth gold to most of us.

I wish that women would be more assertive in bed.  I can realize that what worked last time might not work now, but it is a starting point for a man.  Men work from what has worked in the past first, and if it isn't working now, then they will try something different.  Having a woman who will 'guide' a man toward what 'works' and what doesn't EACH AND EVERY TIME is a gem!  That does not mean telling me play by play, but if something is not working, then make a 'well-phrased' suggestion, one that is encouraging, not condescending.  Dont worry about how tired I am getting trying to get you there, just 'bathe' in the pleasure I am helping to create!  By doing so, you show your appreciation in my efforts which makes me want to please you that much more!  Assertiveness in the bedroom is a wonderful thing.

In the bedroom, nothing turns me on and strokes my ego more than being able to satisfy my wife.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 08, 2008 - 11:06PM #3
Beautiful_Dreamer
Posts: 5,163
Thank you. I am not always as blunt as I was above, and I might sometimes be afraid to say anything for fear of repercussion, but I will *never* expect a man (or anyone else) to read my mind. Hell, half  the time *I* don't even know what I am thinking..there is no way I can expect someone else to if I haven't given them something to work with!  Beyond some of the more obvious things, I don't see how a person can expect someone else to know something they have never been told.

I really hate the way some people will say one thing when they really mean another.  Or will 'test' their partner by saying they 'can' do something, expecting the other person to 'know' that they don't want them to do it.  If my boyfriend told me I can get a cat, I am going to get a cat. And he has no right to get mad at me for getting a cat, because he told me I 'could', and I believed him. So if he didn't want me to get the cat, then it is his own damned fault.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 09, 2008 - 9:39AM #4
Lonesentinel
Posts: 2,423
*bleh*...repercussion.  In a loving relationship, that word should not exist.  Other than that, I agree with you.  One should avoid the 'passive-aggressive' types of people.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 12, 2008 - 4:01AM #5
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
gentlemen, if you want the woman to make the first move, get on top, etc. - you have to respond, kiss back, etc. not freeze like deer in the headlights.

i'm just saying, "laying there" actually takes some work.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 14, 2008 - 2:17AM #6
Hatman
Posts: 9,634
What I'd like women to know about men, in general, is that we thrive on being appreciated/thanked, and despise being ordered about as if we were nothing but wallets and muscles with legs...except for the masochistic types, perhaps, and these are more often gay than straight(from my observation, NOT experience). 

Also, if you are mad about something, SAY WTF IT IS!  Don't play that "If you loved me, you'd know" bullcrap. WE AIN'T MIND-READERS!  Got something on yer mind?  Spit it out, don't play stupid little games with it, and BE CONCISE, not drag-it-out drama queens who need to relate every inconsequential detail, then complain that "I told you that WEEKS ago when I went on and on for 3 hours about stuff that holds no interest whatsoever for you."

And quit with the "you've gotta let me in" crap, too---for most of us, what you see is what you get.  There IS no " emotional depth" for you to plumb, so knock that prying nosiness off.  And stop trying to change us; if you didn't like what you saw in the beginning, move on; if you did, leave it the hell alone.  "Tinker-itis" is what my old dad used to call it---something's working fine, you mess with it 'til it's broke...then complain that it was defective to begin with.

Ugh.

Oh, and one more thing; if you've screwed up, accept responsibility rather than trying to assign/shift blame and thereby escape being responsible, which(to me anyway) is to escape reality and live in a fantasy-world where the female is always right---IOW, lie to yourselves.

Warmest regards-

Hatman
"History records that the moneychangers have used every form of abuse, deceit, intrigue, and violent means possible to maintain their control over governments by controlling money and it's issuance."
-- James Madison(1751-1836), Father of the Constitution for the USA, 4th US President
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 14, 2008 - 8:09AM #7
REteach
Posts: 14,833
Guys, cleaning the toilet without being asked is an aphrodesiac.  It is no good being kissed and cuddled only when you are horny.  My husband and I have been happily married for 30 years (well, 29, one year was rather tense).  We hug and kiss now more than we did as newlyweds.  And I know he loves me because he does clean the toilet without asking. 

I recently read a letter in something like Dear Abby.  The guy was kind of a he-man type, strong, silent, just provide for the family, and his wife died and he regretted he didn't say more often that he loved her.  Say it now while you can.  It doesn't matter that I know it because I see it in everything my husband does--I still like to hear it.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 14, 2008 - 8:18AM #8
IreneAdler
Posts: 2,849
Fellas- if’n us women do ‘fess up to making a mistake, please, go easy on us.

Instead of getting into our face, hollerin’, or makin’ snide remarks ‘bout how dumb we are or chastise/belittle at great length, please offer gentle suggestions on what to do differently next time. Or just listen.  Then help work on a solution.  It’ll make things go easier when there is a next time.

And yeah, there will be a next time. And I’ll apologize right now for that being the case.

Thank you.

Irene.
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 14, 2008 - 1:04PM #9
REteach
Posts: 14,833
Yeah, why is when he does it, is an accident, but when I do it, it becomes a gross stupidity.  Consistency would be nice.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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6 years ago  ::  Oct 15, 2008 - 8:10AM #10
lil_lamb
Posts: 2,898
REteach - have you seen the "porn for women" book? it's full of pics of men doing housework.

hatman - that's good advice. it's funny you know, we women really do (in my experience) underestimate the simplicity and verbal conciseness  of men. it's very very hard for us to believe or figure out how it works. i'd also add that i think we expect men to respond verbally faster than they do. i.
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