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Switch to Forum Live View I am gay, but why i am only attracted to str8 man?
6 years ago  ::  Jan 22, 2009 - 10:10PM #1
Sajr1
Posts: 2
OK i know this is not right and me and my best friend, we are in our late 20's early 30's...Educated, have nice bodys, we go out and have ok job, but why we re attracted to str8 man? I work out, i have nice body, i have nice looks even used to work as a model, i have OK job ( i work).. i am happy but
Since i knew myself 10yo i always like man, then i thought OK here i am 21 yo i can go out and meet man, but then when i walked in to Gay bars i thought i am in my "Sisters party" all those mascle Marry's, they act just like girls
So what do we Gays do? Anytime i am with my str8 friends str8 place i feel so relaxed and so sensual and Just perfect. I am only attracted to str8 man
I wonder if anyone else have same problem? I had few very short romances with str8 or bisexual guys
I wonder if Brokeback Mountaines was only a movie? I truely believe it was a Big Love story between str8 guy and Gay guy.
Or maybe i am from NYC and i never met str8 acting Gay guys? Ok ok i am not that naive i met few but they need bodyguards everytime they walk in to the nightclub or bars, there is a big line people just talking to them, Gays go crazy for those str8 looking gay guys.. its impossible even talk to them. They are like big Celebritys in real world.
then you go to the srt8 bars and clubs or partys and you see 70% of str8 man you think WOW this is excactly what i Like this is what i LOVE. This is what i feel inside.
I wonder if anyone else have same problem?
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 22, 2009 - 10:10PM #2
Sajr1
Posts: 2
OK i know this is not right and me and my best friend, we are in our late 20's early 30's...Educated, have nice bodys, we go out and have ok job, but why we re attracted to str8 man? I work out, i have nice body, i have nice looks even used to work as a model, i have OK job ( i work).. i am happy but
Since i knew myself 10yo i always like man, then i thought OK here i am 21 yo i can go out and meet man, but then when i walked in to Gay bars i thought i am in my "Sisters party" all those mascle Marry's, they act just like girls
So what do we Gays do? Anytime i am with my str8 friends str8 place i feel so relaxed and so sensual and Just perfect. I am only attracted to str8 man
I wonder if anyone else have same problem? I had few very short romances with str8 or bisexual guys
I wonder if Brokeback Mountaines was only a movie? I truely believe it was a Big Love story between str8 guy and Gay guy.
Or maybe i am from NYC and i never met str8 acting Gay guys? Ok ok i am not that naive i met few but they need bodyguards everytime they walk in to the nightclub or bars, there is a big line people just talking to them, Gays go crazy for those str8 looking gay guys.. its impossible even talk to them. They are like big Celebritys in real world.
then you go to the srt8 bars and clubs or partys and you see 70% of str8 man you think WOW this is excactly what i Like this is what i LOVE. This is what i feel inside.
I wonder if anyone else have same problem?
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 23, 2009 - 6:44AM #3
nieciedo
Posts: 5,617
I'm willing to bet that internalized homophobia has led you to fetishize a certain socially-acceptable conception of "masculinity" and that this has been taken to a pathological level in that it is inhibiting your ability to relate to other men who do not fit into those parameters.

You're not attracted to straight men: you're attracted to a certain mode of masculine expression that society (and therefore you) have come to associate with straight men, the hypermasculine alpha male. This is a purely socially constructed phenomenon: all straight men do not conform to these parameters just as all gay men are not limp-wristed sissies. Gender expression is not a 1-to-1 correspondent with sexual orientation.

So, I would suggest you deconstruct your fixation with straight men and find out what it is that you are looking for. Once you remove the "straight" filter from your eyes are go out to meet other people in other venues, you will find those qualities in populations you had previously dismissed.

Or, you could be fixating on straight men because you are actually afraid of intimacy and therefore are attracted to partners who are unavailable.

There are many possible reasons here.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 23, 2009 - 8:37AM #4
REteach
Posts: 15,016
Of course there are people of all genders and orientations who are attracted to those who are unattainable, ie, safe.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 24, 2009 - 12:12AM #5
Sajr1
Posts: 2
What u said might make little sence --except when you think im affraid of intimacy "No i am not" actually i would love to find that One Special guy
Wheter its society or me, or whoever, i have no answer to that WHY am i attracted or always was attracted to str8 type of man. It was always with me since i was 10-12 yo...
I can fall in love with Gay man (Str8 acting) of course..I just haven't met them Yet..I have actually 1ce or 2ce didn't work out, they wanted someone else or they weren't available but it did happen to me when i was in to Gay man.
But generally i am attracted to str8 man, i just Love everything about how they act, and all.
I want to meet One day and i hope i will meet one day that gay guy who will catch my attention and my heart.
So far im already 31 and no one did..I am keep falling in love with st8 guys (Not all of course) Some.
i catch myself in the Trains or partys , looking at str8 man only..BUt do u think its wrong? There are Gay guys at the party or trains, i can look at them --I see them but i feel absolutly Nothing for them...
i dont' know, maybe sometime i think that i am transgender ? Maybe if i was i guess younger i would like to become a Girl aka "Transexual" in order to catch there attention?
ITs very confusing.
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6 years ago  ::  Jan 27, 2009 - 1:54PM #6
nieciedo
Posts: 5,617

Covenant of Grace wrote:

I understand the problem. I'm not remotely attracted to men who act effeminate, raise their voices, or want to dress up like Cher on the weekends (No offense neiceido, I love you man!).


I'll have you know that I've only done drag once, and that was for Halloween 2001 when I was Hitler in drag. That wasn't technically drag, because I wasn't dressed as a woman: I was dressed as Hitler dressed as a woman. I don't really have the body for it, and I like my chest hair too much to shave :)

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6 years ago  ::  Jan 27, 2009 - 10:06PM #7
nieciedo
Posts: 5,617
Aw, frakking hell. I guess my picture violated some arcane Rule of Conduct?
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6 years ago  ::  Apr 07, 2009 - 7:56AM #8
Norm_uk
Posts: 74

Jan 23, 2009 -- 8:37AM, REteach wrote:

Of course there are people of all genders and orientations who are attracted to those who are unattainable, ie, safe.



Indeed!


It's always been a case that forbidden and hard to get fruit often seems to be the most attractive.


N.

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 08, 2009 - 2:10AM #9
pugglesrule
Posts: 6

I have a possible answer to your question.  You don't mention whether or not you have ever had any relationships with these so called straight guys.  Be that as it may, you attraction to straight men may have to do with the idea of "forbidden fruit"  When you go after men who really are not or cannot be emotionally available to you maybe that is an attraction for you and your friends.  When you're ready to have a real relationship, you will want the emotional things that will bond you with another person.  Just my thoughts. 


 


Peace and Blessings


Pugglesrule

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6 years ago  ::  Apr 12, 2009 - 3:08AM #10
greling
Posts: 15

@OP:


 


There are many straight women who have your problem, only they are primarily attracted to just gay men.


 


Maybe it's all about getting next toward something you can't have.

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