As a matter of fact, I'm 19.

My hair is a bit of a rat's nest, it grows very fast.

I use deodorant/cologne all the time and wear reasonably decent clothes.

And do political/social stuff occasionally.

Also, I have a cognitive-based disorder, which makes dating more difficult, along with open communication.

Fitness is done only twice a week, a yoga-for-beginners class at my school.

Nov 11, 2009 -- 5:50PM, AnonymousCatholic wrote:

As a matter of fact, I'm 19.

My hair is a bit of a rat's nest, it grows very fast.

I use deodorant/cologne all the time and wear reasonably decent clothes.

And do political/social stuff occasionally.

Also, I have a cognitive-based disorder, which makes dating more difficult, along with open communication.

Fitness is done only twice a week, a yoga-for-beginners class at my school.

Don't worry about it, you still got what three years left in college?  I went from whining on these boards on a daily basis about my dry spell to being a playa in less time than that.

And I stopped going to school 6 years ago.  Trust me, finding a woman willing to have sex with you is trivial if you are in college.

However, without posting a picture of yourself I can't offer any better advice regarding your clothes.

I had problems with my hair, and was even balding, then I decided to shave it all off, and it was one of the best decisions I made.

Cologne is a tricky issue, and like facial hair most men can't pull it off correctly.  Never, ever wear Axe!  It's not only girl repellent, but a homosexual attractant.  Take a platonic female friend you trust with you to the mall and pick out what she thinks smells good on you.  Never trust a sales person when shopping, and never trust the advice of someone you want to sleep with but aren't.

I also would suggest finding a good therapist for your cognitive disorder before seeking a relationship.  There is no shame in having a mental illness, but never volunteer this information to strangers or use it as an excuse for poor behavior like some have done with Autism.

As for fitness, you'll have to do better than yoga twice a week.  I'm on starting strength, and the things basic strength training has done for my appearance, overall health, and confidence has worked wonders in just 6 months.  Also, running is a wonderful exercise and is free.

And I have a notoriously bad diet, skip days at the gym, etc.  

But yeah, hit the gym and get swole, dress like everyone else, and get a haircut every month and you'll be a lady killer by the time you can buy alcohol!

Tell you a secret: you don't have to wear cologne to attract girls. All that matters is that you're reasonably clean and don't stink. If you wash on a regular basis and wear deodorant, that right there is enough.

Some of us are late bloomers. I don't like the dating game, and never played it much. When I was your age (I'm 34 now), I could count the guys I'd dated on one hand with fingers left over, and that was counting one I was "sort of seeing" for maybe a month or two and one I had only one date with. Now, it's still not that high a number, but I'm in a longterm relationship.

If you have a cognitive disability, I imagine that gives you a few quirks. Not necessarily bad ones, but enough to be an oddball. Oddballs need to date other oddballs, need someone who's eccentric in the right way. It takes time to find the right one.

But if and when you do (to bring this thread back on topic), you're right, no need to wait for marriage if you don't want to.

How one expreses ones sexuality takes responsibility, prep, mental, physical, emotional and ethical choices must be considered and discussed with possible partners.  Safer sex talks and stuff like how to use a condom and other safer  sex techniques  ought to be practiced BEFORE anything else.   

Think about it  if you can't talk about sex openly with your potential lover , why are you even considering actually DOING it?

So some of the waiting is foreplay and is worth every minute  when one finds a person one can be this vulneable with and share those sweet whispered nuthings over spaghittos...  Remember being  fully human requires a bit of sexuality expressed in one way or another. 

Sexuality knows no color, no gender and can not read!   Has her own agenda!

Pleasure and creation. 

 In no paticular order with no paticular human.  It is us humans that put meaning to everything. 

The greatest sex organ is right between the ears.  Just don't think so darn hard!

My opinions.

Dar

Jan 10, 2009 -- 5:31PM, REteach wrote:

"do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

I think it is a double edged sword.  My concern about extramarital sex is not the extramarital part (except for cheating) but knowing that people lie to each other and to themselves.  You are in a particularly tight corner since you kind of feel it is wrong, and I think you would end up feeling guilty.

In our culture, sex and love have been tightly woven together in the public consciousness.  The problem, as I see it, when one has sex with another, are they both on the same level of understanding as to the nature of the relationship.

Studies have shown that men will lie and say "I love you" to get sex.  Women will have sex in the hopes of snaring a man into a relationship.  Clearly, that is not healthy, and it is not loving one's neighbor as oneself.

However, I do think it is possible for two stable adults, using appropriate contraception, and being honest with themselves and each other, to share sex as others might kiss.  (Disclaimer--I was a virgin when I got married and my husband is my only partner, so I might be full of excreta on this.  Still I have met people who have enjoyed sex without entanglement)

I think you also need to be true to and love yourself. 

So, there, a nice nonanswer.  Good luck!

When it comes to maturity and realizing that you want more out of life than a body to lie next to, you realize that some adjustments in your behavior and the way you think needs to change. You also realize that you can’t do the same things and expect different results. For women seeking to be in committed relationships, the way you live your life must change. First you must change some things about yourself like for example: your communication skills, how well do you comprehend, listen and speak. Recognize where you need healing, and take necessary action to recreate yourself mentally, spiritually and emotionally because no man wants damaged goods. Second you must know who you are so you can better understand what you need. Establishing a sense of self weeds out unnecessary choices and wasted time spent with men who will keep you stagnant in being prepared for meeting someone worthy of your time. When you don’t know who you are, you will be looking for love to validate, and reassure you when God already says we are made in his image. God has given him everything you need to find answers to your questions.  Women must be very careful who they decide to give their bodies to.  Mark 10:8 says and the two shall become one. God says when we get married we are no longer 2 people we become one flesh. Have you ever notice how women get attached to their sexual partner in non-committed relationships at first, but changing their minds later wanted more? Check out Oxytocin, it’s a bonding gene that bonds us to our mate so If you continue sleeping with someone whom you’re not married to, he isn’t responsible to you or obligated to love you like God love the church. When you get married, the marriage bed is not defiled Hebrew 13:4.. God honors marriage and under Gods covenant of marriage lays his blessing, outside of marriage; it’s like playing Russian roulette. God give you free will to make a choice his way or the worlds way.. Either way, you reap the benefits of your choice..

That’s just my perspective and reasoning based on experience trial & error re-dedicating my life back to Christ..