I realize it's been a while since anyone has responded to your post. I certainly hope you haven't been waiting to have sex all this time.
I want to say first of all ... you don't need a therapist. What you need to do is look into heart and do what feels right for you. I believe it is absolutely essential to have a good sexual relationship with the person you plan on spending your life with. I also believe that you cannot truly know someone until you live with them for at least a year.
In the book “The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho he describes sex as a physical manifestation of God and not a sin. It is a blessing, with the exception of rape, incest and pedophilia; it is one of the most spiritual things a human can do.
Sex will always be surrounded by “taboos”. I believe that sex is first and foremost the way God chose for us to be here on earth and a way to enjoy the energy of love in a physical act. So enjoy self, be safe and choose your partners wisely.
How one expreses ones sexuality takes responsibility, prep, mental, physical, emotional and ethical choices must be considered and discussed with possible partners. Safer sex talks and stuff like how to use a condom and other safer sex techniques ought to be practiced BEFORE anything else.
Think about it if you can't talk about sex openly with your potential lover , why are you even considering actually DOING it?
So some of the waiting is foreplay and is worth every minute when one finds a person one can be this vulneable with and share those sweet whispered nuthings over spaghittos... Remember being fully human requires a bit of sexuality expressed in one way or another.
Sexuality knows no color, no gender and can not read! Has her own agenda!
Pleasure and creation.
In no paticular order with no paticular human. It is us humans that put meaning to everything.
The greatest sex organ is right between the ears. Just don't think so darn hard!
Tell you a secret: you don't have to wear cologne to attract girls. All that matters is that you're reasonably clean and don't stink. If you wash on a regular basis and wear deodorant, that right there is enough.
Some of us are late bloomers. I don't like the dating game, and never played it much. When I was your age (I'm 34 now), I could count the guys I'd dated on one hand with fingers left over, and that was counting one I was "sort of seeing" for maybe a month or two and one I had only one date with. Now, it's still not that high a number, but I'm in a longterm relationship.
If you have a cognitive disability, I imagine that gives you a few quirks. Not necessarily bad ones, but enough to be an oddball. Oddballs need to date other oddballs, need someone who's eccentric in the right way. It takes time to find the right one.
But if and when you do (to bring this thread back on topic), you're right, no need to wait for marriage if you don't want to.
My hair is a bit of a rat's nest, it grows very fast.
I use deodorant/cologne all the time and wear reasonably decent clothes.
And do political/social stuff occasionally.
Also, I have a cognitive-based disorder, which makes dating more difficult, along with open communication.
Fitness is done only twice a week, a yoga-for-beginners class at my school.
Don't worry about it, you still got what three years left in college? I went from whining on these boards on a daily basis about my dry spell to being a playa in less time than that.
And I stopped going to school 6 years ago. Trust me, finding a woman willing to have sex with you is trivial if you are in college.
However, without posting a picture of yourself I can't offer any better advice regarding your clothes.
I had problems with my hair, and was even balding, then I decided to shave it all off, and it was one of the best decisions I made.
Cologne is a tricky issue, and like facial hair most men can't pull it off correctly. Never, ever wear Axe! It's not only girl repellent, but a homosexual attractant. Take a platonic female friend you trust with you to the mall and pick out what she thinks smells good on you. Never trust a sales person when shopping, and never trust the advice of someone you want to sleep with but aren't.
I also would suggest finding a good therapist for your cognitive disorder before seeking a relationship. There is no shame in having a mental illness, but never volunteer this information to strangers or use it as an excuse for poor behavior like some have done with Autism.
As for fitness, you'll have to do better than yoga twice a week. I'm on starting strength, and the things basic strength training has done for my appearance, overall health, and confidence has worked wonders in just 6 months. Also, running is a wonderful exercise and is free.
And I have a notoriously bad diet, skip days at the gym, etc.
But yeah, hit the gym and get swole, dress like everyone else, and get a haircut every month and you'll be a lady killer by the time you can buy alcohol!
I'm a virgin and am eager to have my "cherry popped."
Personally, I find the "waiting-until-marriage" to have sex nonsensical.
Why wait? All you need is a girlfriend and the right precautions.
I understand your feelings, and had them myself from age 14 till 25, when I finally had those things, and a few others I hadn't know were necessary.
they included: Being relaxed enough with myself to be who I was
Being accepting enough of others to accept who THEY were.
Understanding that opportunity wasn't going to knock on MY door, I had to knock on it's door
And learning to listen to people well enough to know when I was being invited
Now I have no idea how old you are, but if you're anywhere less than 18, the following advice may help, (maybe even if you're older) :
"While you can't hurry the process along, you can prepare. Here's how: Worry less about getting your 15-year-old self laid, and start thinking about getting your 18- or 20-year-old self laid. Join a gym and build yourself a body that girls will find irresistible; read a lot so you'll have something to say to the girls you do attract; and get out of the house and do shit--political shit, social shit, low-stakes shit--so that you'll meet different kinds of girls in different kinds of settings and you'll get comfortable talking to them.
More assignments: Get a decent haircut and use deodorant and floss your teeth and take regular showers and wear clean clothes. Go online and learn about birth control and STDs, and learn enough about the clitoris that you'll be able to find it in the dark. "
That's from a Dan Savage Column that has many more things to say in language that won't print on this forum so follow this link for the complete text www.thestranger.com/seattle/SavageLove?o...
