Is he gay?  Very difficult to say...perhaps he is just curious i.e. the thought of sex with men is enticing to him, but maybe if he takes it outside the realm of fantasy, he will find he does not like it.  I had this experience, in that I started having thoughts of having sex with men, especially when aroused by porn or under the influence of a substance, and had no female to "play" with.  I found that I only actually enjoyed sex with men when I was severely intoxicated (which does not count!) and that when sober, while I was turned-on by the thought of sex with men, was pretty grossed out when it came to actually having it!  I guess I'm straight with "gay fantasies" that are strictly fantasies.  BTW, was your husband under the influence of anything when he did this, because a chemically-altered state can change people while they are under the influence. Also, he may be bisexual and is finally acknowledging his attraction to men as well. 

I hope that you are not in love with him for other reasons rather than simply the fact that he called the "900" numbers. 

Hope you find out the answer soon, for both of you.  Good luck.

This sounds a lot like my dad, minus the 900 numbers.

In my "expert" opinion, he is gay but either doesn't want to be, is ashamed/afraid of being, or is afraid of ruining the family you two have created in your 14 years together. (which isn't something to sneeze at!)

It really concerned me when you said that he said he can "control it." That is a very unhealthy mindset. If you feel a certain way, the worst thing you can possibly do is pretend it isn't there. It's unsafe physically, emotionally, and psychologically. He seems convinced something is horribly wrong with him, because his feelings seem natural, yet he screams to himself that it's wrong.

I recommend that he and you have a sit-down. Tell him you love him, and ask him to be open and honest with you. After all, this is the basis and foundation of every functional and thriving relationship - total honesty. Without honesty, the problems and issues hide in the shadows and get worse and worse, until they're too big to deal with. Sorry.. I got off track. Sit down with him, and ask him to be honest with you. Give him time, this may and probably is very difficult for him. Come to terms with the fact that if he truly is attracted to men, he may need to go. And that this may be what's best for both of you. You can still be friends and be fulfilled elsewhere. Comfort him, tell him it's ok. Be a friend. That's what he needs right now more than a wife. A friend.

It seems from what you wrote that both of you aren't happy with how things are. Above all, remember that you have to face the issue head-on, with total honesty - with him as well as yourself - in order to make things okay again.

Best wishes, and may everything turn out okay. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Love, Sage