Post Reply
Page 1 of 5  •  1 2 3 4 5 Next
Switch to Forum Live View Is It Okay To Hide Your Sexuallity?
7 years ago  ::  Feb 20, 2008 - 3:08PM #1
Mythik
Posts: 8
Just a quick question to all the guys out there who are still in the closet but have girlfriends and wives, when you discover you have the same feelings for a "man" as you do a "woman" but you are in a relationship with a "woman" is it really fair to her to keep your true sexuality a secret from her? Or visa versa for the females who may have had a "Lipstick Lesbian" affair but kept the secret from her husband for fear of his "reaction"?

How long must we continue to kid ourselves when we are in these relationships with these people who are "supposed" to be true to us, "supposed" to love us, and them "betray" us all in the same swoop. Is there ANYBODY OUT THERE who has been in this situation were they discovered that their partner was lying about their "true sexuality" and how did it make you feel when you found out? This is for "BOTH GENDERS" but statistically speaking, men have been known to "stray" more with other "men" while still married to their wives. I would just like to know out of curiosity how often this happens.........
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Feb 20, 2008 - 11:00PM #2
darcamani
Posts: 2,152
No it is not ok to hide your sexuality from potential partners.
Be up front right away.

If you feel you must hide, something is wrong.

If you are a consenting adult, and your potential partner is a consenting  adult and there is a "shhh!!" involved... think before you act.

Heck, think before you act any way.

Then own it.

lol,  it is easier said than done, I learned this the hard way..

Dar
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Feb 21, 2008 - 9:33AM #3
millefeori
Posts: 440
i posted last  night  but I never  got to  send   my post...
We had    Snow  argh !!  nasty  cold   bad weather  shut  down the Internet   .. 
BUT.. This morning   is  clear  & sunny..  BUT  Flipppin  FREEZIN.. Burrrrr
so  here i go  again.. 
  As for my own sexuality..... YEP   i did   hide it   from  my family  & my Husband..  i did  talk to  my husband.    just  because he deserved to  be told the truth....  he married a  straight woman  or  so he   thought..  was my  fault  for not expressing my  true  feelings..  once again  it was  FEAR  that  held me back.....  from childhood...  and  only now  at  age ( 50 )   can  i  talk  open  and  freely.. without shame or guilt.... 
  i am  the middle  child   ( 3 )  girls..  born  in a strict  Italian famly   living   in a house  of ignorant  people.. they  did not  understanding the  meaning of  homosexuality  nor  did they  want to  listen  or understand  .. UGH !!!
...   it was   not   a topic   for discussion  in our family.....    i lived  in  my own  private world  of  make believe .. 
& fantasy...  my  gay life was  on  hold ..  waiting  for the right  time  i guess , because  i  really wanted to  explore this other -side of me..
i don't   know what the word  normal  is  or  means... were my   parents  normal  for   striking us  for asking  to many questions..  were my  parents friends   normal   at   attempting to   touch   fondle  or  have sex ... ????

i did grow up.. &    i was   mom  & dad's good  little girl.. BUT..... a  young  lady hurting  and  abused ...  i had  so much  love & desires   compassion  for all  people   .....  hard to  express  these emotions...  when  a parent  is  Bull-headed.. or a mom  who  laughs  or  belittles     her young to  gain  power and  credit  over ones   little  mistakes...     i could not expose   this   side of  me to anyone  not even  my own sisters.. UGH !!! out  of FEAR  ..i stayed  quiet..
beatings were real in our  house.....   for my parents  had  no problem  using the   Belt on us  if we  mis-behaved ..    we never  did  anything  that  was  that   bad to get  a beating  we  were  reminded daily to  obey   so FEAR   was  one   emotion  we knew  well.. &   more   hurt on my skin  was not what i needed  ....    though i loved my parents..  they were all i had ..   a roof over  our heads   a warm  bed  at  night  food on  the table...  but   expressing our  thoughts  or  saying the word SEX... meant  beatings and ridicule.... 
much embarassment...    i was not  chicken  nor a coward..   i  wanted to live.......  PERIOD....
If You Really Want Enlightenment, then Just Lighten Up..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All That Is -Would Not Be All That Is..!!!
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Feb 27, 2008 - 2:12PM #4
Mythik
Posts: 8
Do you think it's harder for "Black Men" to come out or "White Men"? For me I think it would be difficult either way but that fact is that it needs to be done.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Feb 27, 2008 - 6:35PM #5
alleycat48195
Posts: 10
I believe that you need to tell your spouse what your sexuality is at the beginning or before you get married. Unfortunately, mine was a matter of being addicted to porn. Then I took it one step further and began having quickies at adult bookstores etc. This continued until I got married. I stopped for a while then started again, believing I could stop. It caused a lot of problems when she found out and almost ended my marriage. I went to counseling for a while. I am glad I found this forum where I can talk about these things.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Feb 29, 2008 - 11:45AM #6
Do_unto_others
Posts: 9,020
It is NOT okay to hide your sexuality. Nothing will kill a relationship faster than dishonesty.

Yes, unfortunately it is still difficult to come out, what with some 37 US States where you can still lose your job if you're 'found out', where you still can't serve your country if you are 'honest', where you are still treated like a 2nd class citizen, where you are still not afforded being treated equally under the law, where you can still ... oh jeez, now look what you've gone and made me do - rant ;{O)

If you cannot be honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with your partner. Therefor, any such 'partnership' is doomed from the beginning.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Feb 29, 2008 - 7:50PM #7
millefeori
Posts: 440
Reading  the posts  here....
I pray  you find  Peace within  during  difficult times.. may  the Divine love Shine all around you  & guide  you Always...
If You Really Want Enlightenment, then Just Lighten Up..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All That Is -Would Not Be All That Is..!!!
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2008 - 9:07AM #8
wifimom
Posts: 4
About six years ago my husband and I were out with some friends and he tells me he is going to the bathroom. After about 20 minutes I have a friend go to check on him and he is nowhere to be found. I called his cell phone and he did not answer but I knew he was on the phone because on the way it rang. He did not come back for about an hour and a half and would not let me see the call history on the phone.

The next day I went to the cell phone store and pulled the number that he had called because I thought he was having an affair. Much to my shock he had been calling the "900" numbers for gay sex. I was devastated. He assured me that this would never happen again but I felt like a slug. 

A few months later I had a very short tryst with his best friend for no other reason than I wanted another man to make me feel "loved". (What a disaster.) I stayed with my husband but did not tell him about his friend (although he did suspect it).

Then in February of 2006 I found out that he had again called the "900" numbers and yet he swears to me that he is not gay and then says he has always had these thoughts but now he knows he can control them.

We separated for a while but got back together about six months ago (at which time I told him about the friend). He says that he loves me and wants nothing more than to make things up to me.

After six months I still do not believe that this will not happen again and feel that he is suppressing his feelings. I also am no longer in love with him and want to end our 14 year marriage.

Any advice would be appreciated.
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2008 - 10:48PM #9
millefeori
Posts: 440
Oh  man Wifimom,,,
what a sad  situation....  though i am  not a   marriage councelor ,  i  recommend you both seek one
  before   making  such a  final end decision..  :(
Wifimom  if  i may...  other  then your Hubby  calling  *900*  numbers....  what other  hurtful act  has he   done... ?

i know  for myself & my own  marriage...   it's the   Freedom  &  just enough  space... .

whatever   it was that hubby  got himself into  there's a logical  answer   
sounds selfish  of him   to party  and leave you hanging  around   for one hour &  a half.... UGH !!!

please   have  a profesional  look into this,  i'm sure  you  loved  him  before the *900*  phone number   ...YES.. ?

I will  be praying  for the both  of you
May Divine healing light surround  you both....
Peace & Love
Mille
If You Really Want Enlightenment, then Just Lighten Up..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All That Is -Would Not Be All That Is..!!!
Quick Reply
Cancel
7 years ago  ::  Mar 11, 2008 - 10:48PM #10
millefeori
Posts: 440
Oh  man Wifimom,,,
what a sad  situation....  though i am  not a   marriage councelor ,  i  recommend you both seek one
  before   making  such a  final end decision..  :(
Wifimom  if  i may...  other  then your Hubby  calling  *900*  numbers....  what other  hurtful act  has he   done... ?

i know  for myself & my own  marriage...   it's the   Freedom  &  just enough  space... .

whatever   it was that hubby  got himself into  there's a logical  answer   
sounds selfish  of him   to party  and leave you hanging  around   for one hour &  a half.... UGH !!!

please   have  a profesional  look into this,  i'm sure  you  loved  him  before the *900*  phone number   ...YES.. ?

I will  be praying  for the both  of you
May Divine healing light surround  you both....
Peace & Love
Mille
If You Really Want Enlightenment, then Just Lighten Up..!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
All That Is -Would Not Be All That Is..!!!
Quick Reply
Cancel
Page 1 of 5  •  1 2 3 4 5 Next
 
    Viewing this thread :: 0 registered and 1 guest
    No registered users viewing
    Advertisement

    Beliefnet On Facebook