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7 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2008 - 9:46PM #41
MilesB
Posts: 4,304
I am a Feminist. And I am Male.

What do I think are properties of a Man?

Humble
Brave
Respectful
Loving
Hardworking
And always Striving to be better.

I think it's paramount that Men be addresses as wellas Women in a Spiritual way. This is another reason I could never become Christian.

I tip my hat to Mormons for atleast doing this.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2008 - 9:59PM #42
cultresearcher
Posts: 849
[QUOTE=MilesB;209561]I am a Feminist. And I am Male.

What do I think are properties of a Man?

Humble
Brave
Respectful
Loving
Hardworking
And always Striving to be better.

I think it's paramount that Men be addresses as wellas Women in a Spiritual way. This is another reason I could never become Christian.

I tip my hat to Mormons for atleast doing this.[/QUOTE]

I have one question for you. It is Do you know what success is?:)
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2008 - 10:15PM #43
Beautiful_Dreamer
Posts: 5,167

cultresearcher wrote:

First I will say this this doesn't apply to any of the girls here.:D) I am only going to ask this as a question. Why do women put their husbands behind their friends or their their parents ahead of their husbands? This is only a question no offense to anyone. I need a woman to explain this to me.:) I ask that no female to take offense at this question.



I wouldn't know, because I do not do this. I was taught that, when you get married, your spouse *is* family, and therefore should be your main priority, or that you should sort out everyone's positions in your life with that in mind. 

My family lives several hours away so I have never had a problem with this, but I did have an ex who was a complete 'mama's boy' who lived with his parents, so they treated both of us like teenagers. Whereas my husband lived at home as an adult and his parents don't treat him that way at all. Maybe the ladies you have been with didn't assert or create boundaries as they needed to?

I will say that when I was dating I did put certain friends in front of my boyfriends because they had been around longer and we had been through a lot together. But the degree depended on the individual situation. But in my defense I had an ex who deliberately tried to isolate me from my friends by treating them badly (mark of an abuser-but it didn't work).

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7 years ago  ::  Jan 12, 2008 - 10:35PM #44
cultresearcher
Posts: 849
[QUOTE=Beautiful_Dreamer;209638]I wouldn't know, because I do not do this. I was taught that, when you get married, your spouse *is* family, and therefore should be your main priority, or that you should sort out everyone's positions in your life with that in mind. 

My family lives several hours away so I have never had a problem with this, but I did have an ex who was a complete 'mama's boy' who lived with his parents, so they treated both of us like teenagers. Whereas my husband lived at home as an adult and his parents don't treat him that way at all. Maybe the ladies you have been with didn't assert or create boundaries as they needed to?

I will say that when I was dating I did put certain friends in front of my boyfriends because they had been around longer and we had been through a lot together. But the degree depended on the individual situation. But in my defense I had an ex who deliberately tried to isolate me from my friends by treating them badly (mark of an abuser-but it didn't work).[/QUOTE]

I hope you are not saying that you put your friends above the guy that you might marry.  That could lead to other more serious problems.  Like you put those same friends above your husband.  My ex did that to me.  to the guy this is how most of us think.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 13, 2008 - 12:28AM #45
Beautiful_Dreamer
Posts: 5,167

cultresearcher wrote:

I hope you are not saying that you put your friends above the guy that you might marry. That could lead to other more serious problems. Like you put those same friends above your husband. My ex did that to me. to the guy this is how most of us think.



No I wouldn't automatically put my friends above my guy, but as IHOP said, 'boyfriend' and 'husband' are different categories with different expectations. There is a big difference between someone you are married to and someone you have known for a few months. I would not expect to be the only person in my husband's life because his friends and family were there before me and will be there after me, and I have friends and family I would like to see too. But I would expect him to give my feelings the respect due our relationship. I am family, so I expect to be treated as such.

I am lucky that there has never been any sort of 'power struggle' with anyone in my relationship, but I have had those before and it gets really ugly. But expecting to be the *only* important person in your mate's life amounts to expecting them to change to suit you when you knew this about them going into it. I don't think it is fair to do that.

I would not put my friends above a boyfriend always but I also would not let him dictate how my friendships would go or drop my friends because I have a boyfriend (I have had men expect/try to get me to do this). I have seen girls do this a lot; stop doing things with their friends because they have a guy.

I can understand a man asking me not to spend so much time with a friend who is an ex-boyfriend if there is reason to believe our relationship could be harmed, for example. I have been hurt by a guy spending a lot of time with his ex and ending up cheating on me/dumping me for her. But I cannot assume all men are going to do the same things (hard as it is to remember that at times).

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7 years ago  ::  Jan 13, 2008 - 10:15AM #46
REteach
Posts: 15,016
[QUOTE=cultresearcher;209392]First I will say this this doesn't apply to any of the girls here.:D) I am only going to ask this as a question.  Why do women put their husbands behind their friends or their their parents ahead of their husbands?  This is only a question no offense to anyone.  I need a woman to explain this to me.:)  I ask that no female to take offense at this question.[/QUOTE]

If you didn't mean it to apply to all of us, why didn't you say "some women"?  Actually, if you read Dear Abby enough, you will find that "some men" do the same thing.  Their wives can't tear them away from their mothers or their bowling buddies.

Ask those men why they can't put their wives first, and you will probably have an answer as to why some women can't put their husbands first.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 13, 2008 - 10:18AM #47
REteach
Posts: 15,016
I would add a cautionary note--abusive men (and women) often try to isolate their spouses so that no friends or family are really there for support.  It provides for more control.
I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize what you heard was not what I meant...
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 14, 2008 - 11:52AM #48
divalicious
Posts: 363
Firstly, I took the time to read the entire thread, as I usually do, before posting. So, I'm caught up.

Secondly, knowing where I come from considering an issue involving sexuality and sexual dynamics might be a more respectful approach for me to take. So, I'm taking it.

Thirdly, I have been known to be harsh with the males.
Just for this moment I will try, to express myself, without lighting anyone on fire...

I am Pagan (Pita Wita-Wiccan) I am a mother. I have one child, a daughter, whom I would gladly sacrifice my life for to keep safe. I am a lesbian, I have been brutalized by men in my past. I have male friends-both gay and straight. I have female friends -both gay and straight. They respect me, all of me, from my quiet softness, to my fits of rage, and everything about me that's in between.
I have held many managerial positions that required me to be in charge of both men and woman. I have stood up in the defense of another womans honor -to the point of it costing me one of these jobs. I have never regretted my decision to do so. I have stood up for some of my male and female friends who've been mistreated in school, and I've been punished by the principle/dean for having the nerve to interfere. I have never regretted my decision to do so.
I am a feminist, a human, a woman, a lover, a mother, a friend, an activist, a rebel, a trouble maker, a rule breaker/ rule maker, I am a child of the Goddess, a singer, a writer, a massage therapist. I am successful. And, I have failed more times then I care to remember. I am an animal rights activist who eats meat. I am a tree hugger who cries openly when viewing land thats being cleared.
I have stopped traffic to allow ducks to cross the road. I have stopped traffic to pick up a turtle and 
move it to safety. I have tended wounded animals without thought of rabies or fear of attack. I am often enraged--at men, for the harm, for the damage, for the sick abuse of their mothers, lovers, sisters, wives, aunts, daughters. I have no patience for the under educated. I have very little patience, period.
That is who I am. That is how I come to this discussion.

What I require in a partner is-

Patience (don't you just love irony?)
Honesty
Respect
No abuse
No Drugs
Good intentions
Loving
Gentle
Kind
Real
Intelligent
Trustworthy
Honorable
Go ahead, have a temper, just use it to help others.
Tenderness- is an absolute
On purpose, man this is a biggie, be on purpose, or- don't come to me at all.

I've seen, in my youth, the pain thats been caused in my own life when flying off the handle, for no good reason. I see it's effect and collateral damage now, and have no further interest in it.
I usually only use my considerable amounts of rage when and where needed, as much as is humanly  possible. And, that rage is necessary when a woman's been brutalized, a child is brutalized. I will always do everything in my power... I will always risk looking 'the fool' to help someone being abused. It is the way I walk through this world. I can't be any other way.

Feminism, is not the enemy of any man. Feminism seeks balance not an overthrow. I personally have called for an overthrow because of the harm that been done... The truth is, a rebellion was necessary, at first, so that women could have a say, a seat, a place, at the table of our own human story.

Mans fear of womens 'natural power' is the enemy of every man, of every society.
You think on that and get back to me.

Divalicious
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 14, 2008 - 11:18PM #49
Beautiful_Dreamer
Posts: 5,167
It's been said before, but it bears repeating. If someone is so threatened by the idea of someone else having power of their own that they need to try to hold that down, then that person is apparently very insecure. It's like the bully who picks on other kids to make himself feel better. They may hide behind the banner of their faith or 'traditional values' or whatever, but what I see behind all that is panic. You can hold traditional values (whatever those are) without putting other people down.

I admit I have been harsh on men before, and sometimes I still have ideas about them that aren't very nice or fair.  I struggle with not assuming they are going to be like the men who hurt me or my friends, or the jerks I see in men's magazines or on the internet.  This has particularly become an issue in my relationship now because of some trials we have gone through and some things that I am told are so important to men that I just can't provide. But my husband assures me that he is not like the stereotype and that he still thinks I am a good wife in the ways that really count.

I know that it is not fair for me to assume things about men when I don't want them to do that to me. As I said, this is something I struggle with. There have been some times when something I have seen online or in life has 'triggered' me and brought back all these negative thoughts I thought I had banished. But then, I don't know anyone who hasn't had this.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 16, 2008 - 2:32AM #50
singspraise
Posts: 157
[QUOTE=cultresearcher;207770]Here is my list.
When women believe that they can punish men.
dishonesty
Pushy women
pre-marital sex
Women who browbeat males.
women who dehumanize males in public.
women who manipulate men to get what they want.
Feminists (my definition)
women who want special treatment.
Homosexuals (especially the one A$$ who went after and killed a kid for resisting him.  This was back in 2000 in Gibson City ILLINOIS.)  This is the crap That really trips my trigger with the women.  The guy that did that, should have gotten the death penalty, not life in prision.
adultery
someone who puts her side of the family ahead of her husband or boyfriend.[/QUOTE]

pre-marital sex?
and what do you think about men who put their mothers before their wives?
"first they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win"
-Mahatma Ghandi
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