After much deliberation, I have come to realize that my absolute hatred for all things pertaining to homosexuality is completely unfounded, by either ethics or reason. Yet this revelation has not help me be kinder or more accepting, it is almost like I hate homosexuals more afterwards. It is like I know on one level  I am making my self sick stewing in hate (can't be good for you, no matter how you slice it), and yet on another I don't even care, but practically enjoy being malicious.  So far, the problem is eating away at my relationships, and has begun to isolate me from my foster parents. Please help?

First and foremost, DW, I'd like to thank you for your honesty and your efforts. 

I don't claim to have a ton of sage advice, so I apologize for that...  I guess the only thing I can really offer up is to try looking more at the person.  I'm not saying it'll be easy, but try to look past the sexuality.  I think in many cases, you'll see that we gays are just people trying to make it through this crazy thing called life just like anyone else.  We go to work, we pay our taxes, we buy groceries, drive, et cetera just like everyone else.  I worry about the economy and global warming and crime and other issues just like a lot of other people.  I watch football and rally racing and "Cops" with my straight roommate. 

I had to laugh a couple of weeks ago...  One of my coworkers throws a big holiday bash every year at his house for the people from my department.  Most people that I work with know I'm gay, and I don't try to hide it from anyone else.  I was chatting it up with one of my coworkers.  He was confused when I had no interest in going to the ladies night at some bar, so I told him that I'm gay, and his reply was one of disbelief.  I finally had to show him the picture on my phone of my (now ex-) boyfriend and I together, to which he finally remarked that, "[He] never felt uncomfortable around me."  Basically, it was an instance where he knew me as a person first, then was surprised because I was also gay.  I suspect if he knew I was gay first, that he probably would have never talked to me at work.

David, I hope for the best for you on this journey, and not just for my own sake.  But, I think that, given that you've already set out, you'll make it.

[QUOTE=REteach;189495]Are you afraid you are hating yourself?[/QUOTE]

That would be my question. David, I don't want to freak you out or piss you off more, but it's a pretty common phenomenon that individuals who feel such strong hatred for homosexuals are internalizing homophobia due to fear of their own feelings.
In any case, alymer is right - figuring out where these feelings comes from would be a good start.

The fastest way to strip away stereotypes and prejudices is get to know people on a personal level.

I'm married, straight and attend church....a church that opens the doors to all and says, "Everyone is welcome to the table." We have a number of gay members.
These friends of mine have brains, creativity, talents and compassion...wow!....just like all others I know and care about.
The same folks are always involved in one charitable project or another.
We join in fellowship to administer to those in need...especially those marginalized by society.

Two very cold nights ago, a group of us were setting up beds at the homeless shelter and serving a great dinner of chicken, green beans, salad , bicuits& gravy and some wonderful desserts. I doubt any of the dozen homeless men there thought about whether a gay person or two was amongst us. If they did, I doubt any would give a rat's behind.

When we go about our lives living and loving abundantly, we pretty much don't have time to stew in hate.

peace,

sydney

[QUOTE=david_walker;188881]  After much deliberation, I have come to realize that my absolute hatred for all things pertaining to homosexuality is completely unfounded, by either ethics or reason. [/QUOTE]

you have made a GREAT first step.  I am part of the opposition, so you may believe that this is true.  But you need something that I don't quite have.  Let's continue.

[QUOTE=david_walker;188881]Yet this revelation has not help me be kinder or more accepting, it is almost like I hate homosexuals more afterwards. [/QUOTE]

You NEED to be kinder!  You have to be.  Even though your mind tells you one thing, you must STRIVE to maintain balance.  You can do this.

[QUOTE=david_walker;188881]It is like I know on one level  I am making my self sick stewing in hate (can't be good for you, no matter how you slice it), and yet on another I don't even care, but practically enjoy being malicious.  So far, the problem is eating away at my relationships, and has begun to isolate me from my foster parents. Please help?[/QUOTE]

Listen.  You seem to be a good person.  You can be a Christian and yet not be ON BOARD with this change.  I myself am struggling with this issue but I WILL listen!  I WILL strive!  I will constantly profess my Christian beliefs in the disagreement with homosexuality...BUT...not at the expense of being less than Christian to those whom do not meet my STANDARDS.  We are all of the same side and God help us if we fail in our Christian mission.

Good luck and God bless you in your difficult time.

Grace and peace, datinker