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Switch to Forum Live View Ihe is the victim, or so he says
7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 9:52PM #1
shiloh43
Posts: 423
Oh this is a new one , now all of a sudden its  all my fault that we dont have sex, he  found out that isaid we hadnt had sex for 15 months and got mad and said that it was my falt, I mean really from what all i have told yall does it sound like it, narurally he has to mae it look like it is my fault cause he cant be made to be blamed for anything. I have used all the linegrie andeverything i could for years, to get nothing at out of him at all but excuses  I am tired, mainly, I mean how much humilation does he think I can take and being tio feel like a nun orthat something is wrong with me or my body, and then he s like you will never get it from me again until the day i die. Whats that supposed to be saying,  I am already used to it. I am paranoid as you can probably tell about being with a another man for fear that he will find something wrong with me, All day today i have been called all kinds of names and everything really and a simpleton and that i have a brain but dont use it. Well he liked it last year when i had the money, still no sex though. I have did everything that i know to do and  I am tired of the excuses, i gues i might as well look to ahving a sexless life cause i am scared to death of another man seeing me like that as if my brain could ever go that far anymore. That part iof me is about gone and i guess i best get used to it. Then he says  Go get sex from some else if you can do that, which i doubt. just another put down. so how i ask yall after hearing all these things all the time could i ever get in the mood. why would i want to. is this feeling normal that i am having. what woman would want to have sex with a man that did all this and be scared to death that he is going to find something wrong with her again.I am already self conscience enough as it is and feeling low so why would i put myself through it again.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 9:55PM #2
shiloh43
Posts: 423
its been 22 months, by the way.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:01PM #3
IHOP
Posts: 2,179
Honey,

you know it's not your fault.

you know it is his fault.

call his bluff... next time he says that, say "take me now" and strip.  get on all fours if you need to.

otherwise, you know what you need to do (I've lurked enough to know this is a repeated topic) .  find your strength, and do it.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:14PM #4
cultresearcher
Posts: 849
He is using his wand to control you.  Even though I am against divorce,divorce him and find some one who will care for you.  While you are at it, find one for me as well.  But if you said or did anything to hurt him, saying I am sorry, usually goes a long way.  One thing you never do to men is insult their ability to provide.  Another thing is that don't talk about your bedroom life with your friends, fyi we guys allways find out.  IF you have never did any of these things then ask him calmly what Did I do to upset you.  If  he has no answer, he is using it to control you.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:40PM #5
shiloh43
Posts: 423
it came from his trouble making friends. I mean i have no one to talk to and it just slipped out one day months, ago of course he only brings up anything when he is drunk like he is now and we are getting evicted cause he didnt have the rent money by someone that i didnt even know owned this house, cause i was told the other person owned it that rented it to me, have just met this new person, and any way it all doesnt matter anyway, when something goes worng and hes the blame for it then he puts it off on me. After all he cant be seen as being bad in anything, I tried so hard to do everything i knew to do and he forgets last year and everything i did for us getting us out of debt and he got us back into it. i tried starting him a business he wouldnt even put effort into making it go, still no sex. after all this time, I only hear excuses and everything all the time after so long it gets old. It really does. I mean after my dad died yall, I had to do all the legal stuff and i had no time to grieve at all, not until a year later. then all this started happening and all the stress he put s me under doesnt help. I am a sumple person I am not extragvagant at all, I shop at walmart and the cheapest grocery store possible he thinks that you can still buy groceries on 25.00 a week and get everything you need, and I ahve been made to do that. Its not like I go shopping and buy expensixe things and do things, I just ask what i call for a very sinple leave it to beaver life style, just a roof over my head and a car tio drive which is mine anyway, and lights and things that you have to have and affection of which i get none at all, i get the mental abuse and all that kind of abuse. Thats the only attention and he thinks that i can just keep taking it and I cant, I dont say anything at all cause then i get called names. so why say anything but all this is building up, inside of me and then to tonight he says your mom would take my side if she was here. My mom would not take his side, at all, cause my mom told me to leave him before she died in a horrific car accident that i still havent gotten over. But for him to use that to make me feel bad i feel like is uncalled for at all. My mom did whatever she had to do work two jobs to make sure that i ahd a place to live that i went to the doctor and dentist and had what i needed and evidently he hasnt gotten that point yet that she expected that from him.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:51PM #6
IHOP
Posts: 2,179
[QUOTE]after all this time, I only hear excuses and everything all the time after so long it gets old. It really does.
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]you have to have and affection of which i get none at all, i get the mental abuse and all that kind of abuse. Thats the only attention and he thinks that i can just keep taking it
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE] I dont say anything at all cause then i get called names. so why say anything but all this is building up, inside of me and then
[/QUOTE]

[QUOTE]my mom told me to leave him before she died in a horrific car accident
[/QUOTE]

Listen to yourself.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:51PM #7
shiloh43
Posts: 423
I mean is this normal for me to feel this way. I just feel so lost and now this, i have no where to go cause i am disowned. because once again of him. he says i will go live with one of my friends, and you cant come. where am I suppose to go and my cat, i have no family like i said and no job. I am looking though. I am left in debt now with my truck not being paid off cause of him, and i am just supposed to go soemwhere, cause he no longer wants the responsibilty that my mom and dad handed over to him. I think thats a cowards way out. myself, hes still got to pay that guy 100.00 a week he only ahs to pay 140.00 a week here and have a whole house to himself. I guess being with drinking buddies is more imporant than having a life with your wife. so you can imagine how much stress i am under with all this, i had enough tow orry about before now i have to worry about being homeless ,a dn all he has to do is go get a loan from his boss and pay the 140.00. and be done with it. I swear the only time i feel comfortable is when i am with my friend that doesnt make me feel like i am some kind of dog that can just be kicked around. Hes always treated me with respect. the only one that does. I guess maybe i am going through a midlife crisis.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:53PM #8
shiloh43
Posts: 423
are you saying that i have enough reasons to feel this way and its normal for me to feel like this.
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:53PM #9
IHOP
Posts: 2,179
you just need to get out
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7 years ago  ::  Jan 04, 2008 - 10:57PM #10
shiloh43
Posts: 423
i am so scared that you would not believe, if you read the above you know why. i have no place to go.
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